The best way to solve the world’s environmental problems is to increase the cost of fuel. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.
The best way to solve the world’s environmental problems is to increase the cost of fuel. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Write at least 250 words.
In contemporary society, there is a widespread belief that the most efficient approach to tackle global environmental issues is raising the price of fuel. From my perspective, I strongly disagree with this view and this below essay will delve into reasons the former view and highlight other alternative approaches to bolster my stance.
Firstly, there are numerous rationales why people consider higher cost of fuel is the best solution to deal with environmental concerns. Predominantly, this trend can be a useful method to address air pollution. Due to the higher cost of fuel, people may find it challenging to afford the fuel, which is the key factor in powering up vehicles. As a result, individuals may diminish their frequency of utilizing their private vehicles, resulting in a decline of emissions, which is the main cause for air pollution. Additionally, increasing price of fuel can facilitate other environmental protection. Owing to the greater revenue from fuel taxation, the government can allocate more money for other environmental campaigns, such as applying renewable resources in daily life. Consequently, environmental organizations can have enough resources to conduct high-quality and then come up with productive solutions for mental concerns.
Nevertheless, I firmly hold the view that the aforementioned way to solve severe enviromental problems is not the best option. Primarily, this phenomenon can pose a threat to the global economy. Due to the higher cost of fuel, the majority of businesses may confront a costly spending on delivery. As a consequence, they may have to increase goods and services to ensure their profit, which can foster the possibility of worldwide inflation and dissatisfaction of people since they have to face harder finance burden to meet their basic needs. Moreover, other efficient way can be used to deal with environmental problems. For instance, imposing alternative measures on a large scale can be more beneficial and productive. When the authority strict laws to protect the environment, they can raise people's awareness of preserving the habitat and can do tical actions to tackle the issues.
In conclusion, although it is undeniable that raising the price of fuel can bring certain benefits in protecting the habitat, I advocate that this is not the most optimal solution to address ecological troubles.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
Errors and Improvements:
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"From my perspective, I strongly disagree with this view and this below essay will delve into reasons the former view and highlight other alternative approaches to bolster my stance."
-> "From my perspective, I strongly disagree with this view, and the essay below will delve into the reasons behind my disagreement. It will also highlight alternative approaches to bolster my stance."
Explanation: The original sentence is a bit convoluted and informal. The suggested revision clarifies the structure and uses a more formal tone. -
"Firstly, there are numerous rationales why people consider higher cost of fuel is the best solution to deal with environmental concerns."
-> "Firstly, there are numerous reasons why people believe that a higher cost of fuel is the best solution to address environmental concerns."
Explanation: The original sentence lacks precision and uses informal language. The suggested revision provides a more formal expression of the idea. -
"Predominantly, this trend can be a useful method to address air pollution."
-> "Primarily, this trend can be a useful approach to mitigating air pollution."
Explanation: "Primarily" is a more formal term than "Predominantly," and "approach" is a more suitable word than "method" in an academic context. -
"Due to the higher cost of fuel, people may find it challenging to afford the fuel, which is the key factor in powering up vehicles."
-> "Owing to the increased cost of fuel, individuals may find it challenging to afford the primary fuel source for their vehicles."
Explanation: The revision uses more formal language and specifies that fuel is the primary source for vehicles, avoiding redundancy. -
"Consequently, environmental organizations can have enough resources to conduct high-quality and then come up with productive solutions for mental concerns."
-> "Consequently, environmental organizations can secure sufficient resources to conduct high-quality research and develop productive solutions for environmental issues."
Explanation: The original sentence is unclear and uses informal language. The suggested revision clarifies the meaning and employs more formal terminology. -
"Nevertheless, I firmly hold the view that the aforementioned way to solve severe enviromental problems is not the best option."
-> "Nevertheless, I firmly contend that the aforementioned approach to solving severe environmental problems is not the optimal choice."
Explanation: The revision replaces colloquial language with more formal alternatives, enhancing the academic tone. -
"Primarily, this phenomenon can pose a threat to the global economy."
-> "Firstly, this phenomenon can pose a threat to the global economy."
Explanation: "Primarily" is replaced with "Firstly" for better alignment with academic style, offering a clearer structure. -
"As a consequence, they may have to increase goods and services to ensure their profit, which can foster the possibility of worldwide inflation and dissatisfaction of people since they have to face harder finance burden to meet their basic needs."
-> "Consequently, businesses may need to raise the prices of goods and services to maintain profitability, potentially leading to global inflation and dissatisfaction among consumers who face a heavier financial burden to meet their basic needs."
Explanation: The revision streamlines the sentence, uses more precise terms, and maintains a formal tone. -
"Moreover, other efficient way can be used to deal with environmental problems."
-> "Moreover, other efficient approaches can be employed to address environmental problems."
Explanation: The suggested revision uses a more formal term ("approaches") and improves sentence structure. -
"For instance, imposing alternative measures on a large scale can be more beneficial and productive."
-> "For instance, implementing alternative measures on a large scale can be more beneficial and productive."
Explanation: "Imposing" is replaced with "implementing" for a more formal and appropriate term in the context of environmental measures.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Task Response: 6
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Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses all parts of the question by presenting both the viewpoint against raising fuel prices and offering alternative solutions. Relevant examples and reasoning are provided to support the position.
- How to improve: Ensure that each point is thoroughly developed, providing specific examples and elaborating on ideas to enhance the depth of the response.
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Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position against raising the price of fuel. The stance is consistently presented throughout the essay, making it easy for the reader to understand the writer’s perspective.
- How to improve: Continue to reinforce and restate the main position throughout the essay to enhance clarity and strengthen the overall argument.
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Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas and arguments, supporting them with examples. However, some points could benefit from further development and elaboration to provide a more comprehensive and detailed argument.
- How to improve: Extend the discussion on each point by providing additional examples, evidence, or explanations to enhance the overall depth and impact of the arguments.
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Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic but tends to deviate slightly at times. For instance, there’s a brief mention of mental concerns without clear linkage to the environmental problems raised in the prompt.
- How to improve: Ensure that all points directly relate to the prompt. Avoid introducing tangential ideas that may distract from the main argument, maintaining a laser focus on the environmental problems posed in the prompt.
Overall Feedback:
The essay demonstrates a strong ability to present a coherent argument against the proposed solution while suggesting alternative approaches. To improve, focus on providing more detailed and nuanced support for each point, reinforcing the main position consistently throughout the essay. Additionally, ensure all content directly relates to the environmental problems presented in the prompt to maintain a cohesive and focused response.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6
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Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays a clear overall organization, with a discernible introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph is focused on a specific aspect of the argument. However, there is room for improvement in the logical flow within paragraphs. For instance, the transition between the reasons why people support higher fuel costs and the counterargument could be smoother. The progression of ideas within paragraphs could be enhanced for a more seamless reading experience.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases between sentences and paragraphs to guide the reader through the progression of ideas. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main point and that supporting details contribute cohesively to that point.
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Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs, but their structure and effectiveness vary. While the introduction and conclusion are appropriately distinct, some body paragraphs lack clarity in terms of topic sentences and supporting details. For instance, the paragraph discussing the negative economic impact lacks a clear topic sentence. The effectiveness of paragraphing can be improved for a more organized and reader-friendly essay.
- How to improve: Begin each paragraph with a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea. Follow this with supporting details and examples to strengthen the paragraph’s coherence. Consider breaking down longer paragraphs into smaller ones to improve readability and maintain focus.
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Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay incorporates some cohesive devices, such as transitional phrases ("firstly," "nevertheless," "in conclusion"), but there is room for diversification. The use of cohesive devices could be more varied and sophisticated to enhance the overall coherence. Additionally, some sentences lack smooth connections between ideas, affecting the overall flow.
- How to improve: Introduce a broader range of cohesive devices, including synonyms, pronouns, and parallel structures, to create smoother transitions between sentences and paragraphs. Ensure that the logical connections between ideas are clearly articulated to improve overall coherence and cohesion.
Overall, while the essay demonstrates a reasonable level of coherence and cohesion, refining the logical organization, paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices can elevate the essay to a higher band score.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
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Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. There is an attempt to use diverse words and expressions, such as "rationales," "predominantly," "diminish," "allocate," and "confront." However, some repetition occurs, and a more extensive vocabulary could be employed to enhance the depth and variety of language. For example, the frequent use of "higher cost of fuel" could be diversified.
- How to improve: To improve, try incorporating more varied synonyms and explore nuanced vocabulary choices. Use synonyms for commonly repeated phrases and aim for a greater diversity of expressions to elevate the overall lexical resource.
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Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits imprecise vocabulary usage in several instances. For example, the phrase "come up with productive solutions for mental concerns" seems confused and might not convey the intended meaning. Also, the term "mental concerns" is not directly related to environmental issues. There is room for improvement in selecting words that precisely convey the intended message.
- How to improve: Focus on selecting words that accurately convey your intended meaning. Be mindful of the context and ensure that the chosen vocabulary aligns with the topic. Consider seeking alternative words that better express your ideas, avoiding vague or ambiguous terms.
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Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays several spelling errors, such as "enviromental" instead of "environmental" and "tical" instead of "practical." While these errors do not significantly impede understanding, they impact the overall impression of language proficiency.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, proofread the essay carefully or use spelling and grammar-checking tools. Pay special attention to common spelling mistakes, and consider developing a list of words that often pose challenges. Regular practice and conscious effort will contribute to improved spelling skills.
In summary, while the essay demonstrates a reasonable lexical range, there is room for improvement in both precision and spelling accuracy. To enhance lexical resource, focus on diversifying vocabulary, using words more precisely, and consistently ensuring correct spelling throughout the essay.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6
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Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures. Simple and compound sentences are used throughout the essay, with some attempts at complex structures. For example, "Predominantly, this trend can be a useful method to address air pollution" showcases a more complex structure. However, the variety is limited, and there is room for improvement in incorporating more complex sentence structures, such as compound-complex sentences or varied introductory phrases.
- How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range, consider incorporating a wider variety of sentence structures. Experiment with compound-complex sentences to convey more complex ideas. Additionally, use diverse introductory phrases and clauses to add sophistication to your writing.
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Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that affect its overall accuracy. For instance, there are instances of subject-verb agreement errors ("this below essay"), preposition misuse ("reasons the former view"), and word choice issues ("and then come up with productive solutions for mental concerns"). Punctuation errors, such as missing commas or incorrect usage of conjunctions, are also present.
- How to improve: Carefully proofread your essay to identify and correct grammatical errors. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement, proper preposition use, and accurate word choices. Additionally, focus on punctuation rules, ensuring correct comma placement and proper usage of conjunctions. Consider seeking feedback from peers or using grammar-check tools to improve accuracy.
This essay demonstrates a reasonable level of grammatical range and accuracy but has room for improvement in terms of sentence structure variety and error correction. Incorporating a more diverse range of sentence structures and refining grammatical accuracy will contribute to an enhanced overall writing quality.
Bài sửa mẫu
In contemporary society, there is a widespread belief that the most efficient approach to tackle global environmental issues is raising the price of fuel. From my perspective, I strongly disagree with this view, and the essay below will delve into the reasons for my disagreement. It will also highlight alternative approaches to bolster my stance.
Firstly, there are numerous reasons why people consider a higher cost of fuel to be the best solution to deal with environmental concerns. Predominantly, this trend can be a useful method to address air pollution. Due to the higher cost of fuel, people may find it challenging to afford the fuel, which is the key factor in powering up vehicles. As a result, individuals may diminish their frequency of utilizing their private vehicles, resulting in a decline in emissions, which is the main cause of air pollution. Additionally, increasing the price of fuel can facilitate other environmental protection. Owing to the greater revenue from fuel taxation, the government can allocate more money for other environmental campaigns, such as applying renewable resources in daily life. Consequently, environmental organizations can have enough resources to conduct high-quality research and then come up with productive solutions for environmental concerns.
Nevertheless, I firmly hold the view that the aforementioned way to solve severe environmental problems is not the best option. Primarily, this phenomenon can pose a threat to the global economy. Due to the higher cost of fuel, the majority of businesses may confront costly spending on delivery. As a consequence, they may have to increase the prices of goods and services to ensure their profit, which can foster the possibility of worldwide inflation and dissatisfaction among people since they have to face a heavier financial burden to meet their basic needs. Moreover, other efficient ways can be used to deal with environmental problems. For instance, imposing alternative measures on a large scale can be more beneficial and productive. When authorities implement strict laws to protect the environment, they can raise people’s awareness of preserving the habitat and can drive practical actions to tackle the issues.
In conclusion, although it is undeniable that raising the price of fuel can bring certain benefits in protecting the habitat, I advocate that this is not the most optimal solution to address ecological troubles.
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