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The best way to teach children to cooperate is through team sports at school. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The best way to teach children to cooperate is through team sports at school. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

An increasing number of people believe that team sports enable kids to learn to cooperate with peers. In this essay, I will argue that this approach has both advantages for enhancing children’s personality and drawbacks concerning access to other activities.
On the one hand, kids may advance their solidarity and emotional-control through participating in sports games. When attending team sports, especially football and basketball, they may improve their ability to integrate into the community and become more connected with peers. From that, kids may practice their teamwork which is dedicated to further projects. Furthermore, playing in team sports at school helps children to improve their emotional quotient, which is essential for effective cooperation. By engaging in team sports, it is crucial that kids learn how to control their emotions in order to communicate efficiently in the match. According to a recent study, researchers argue that almost all kids who participate in team sports may have solidarity and cooperation after growing up.
However, learning communication skills through team sports may not be suitable in most contexts for children. Practicing those skills does not enable shy kids to integrate with peers due to their importance of communication in playing sports. Therefore, rather than attending team sports, there are several extra activities for them to enhance their cooperation skill. Engaging in various workshops or volunteer projects, children who are not confident firstly divide into small groups, and gradually experience other skills such as problem-solving, cooperation, and so on. Additionally, they will contact people in various fields through social projects which help them learn communication skills in numerous situations and how to address it. My own experience participating in projects taught me the importance of collaborative skills.
To conclude, while there are various advantages of advancing kids’ cooperation by team sports, other extra activities also play a crucial role in the development of children’s skills. From my perspective, both activities may inspire and motivate them to cooperate better with peers in the future.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "An increasing number of people believe" -> "A growing number of individuals contend"
    Explanation: Replacing "An increasing number of people believe" with "A growing number of individuals contend" employs a more formal and precise language choice.

  2. "kids" -> "children"
    Explanation: Replacing the informal term "kids" with "children" is more appropriate in academic writing, maintaining a formal tone.

  3. "advance their solidarity and emotional-control" -> "enhance their sense of solidarity and emotional regulation"
    Explanation: Substituting "advance" with "enhance," and "emotional-control" with "emotional regulation," enhances the formality of the language while maintaining clarity.

  4. "improve their ability to integrate into the community" -> "enhance their capacity to integrate into the community"
    Explanation: Replacing "improve their ability" with "enhance their capacity" and "improve" with "enhance" adds a touch of formality without compromising clarity.

  5. "kids may practice their teamwork" -> "children can cultivate their teamwork skills"
    Explanation: The phrase "practice their teamwork" is substituted with "cultivate their teamwork skills" for a more academic tone.

  6. "which is essential for effective cooperation" -> "vital for facilitating effective cooperation"
    Explanation: The replacement of "which is essential for effective cooperation" with "vital for facilitating effective cooperation" enhances the formality and clarity of the sentence.

  7. "engage in team sports" -> "participate in team sports"
    Explanation: Replacing "engage in" with "participate in" is a slightly more formal choice of words.

  8. "By engaging in team sports, it is crucial that kids learn" -> "Participation in team sports is crucial for children to learn"
    Explanation: The revised sentence provides a more structured and formal introduction to the idea.

  9. "almost all kids who participate" -> "nearly all children who engage"
    Explanation: The substitution of "almost all kids" with "nearly all children" and "participate" with "engage" enhances the formality of the sentence.

  10. "learning communication skills through team sports may not be suitable in most contexts for children" -> "Acquiring communication skills through team sports may not be universally appropriate for children in all contexts"
    Explanation: The revised sentence uses a more formal and precise language choice.

  11. "Practicing those skills does not enable shy kids" -> "Exercising these skills does not facilitate introverted children"
    Explanation: Substituting "Practicing those skills" with "Exercising these skills" and "shy kids" with "introverted children" is more formal and specific.

  12. "there are several extra activities for them" -> "various alternative activities are available for them"
    Explanation: Replacing "there are several extra activities for them" with "various alternative activities are available for them" is more formal and precise.

  13. "problem-solving, cooperation, and so on" -> "problem-solving, teamwork, and the like"
    Explanation: The phrase "problem-solving, cooperation, and so on" is replaced with "problem-solving, teamwork, and the like" for a more formal and concise expression.

  14. "contact people in various fields through social projects" -> "connect with individuals from diverse fields through social projects"
    Explanation: The substitution of "contact" with "connect with" and "various fields" with "diverse fields" enhances the formality of the language.

  15. "help them learn communication skills" -> "facilitate their acquisition of communication skills"
    Explanation: Replacing "help them learn" with "facilitate their acquisition of" adds formality and precision to the sentence.

  16. "My own experience participating in projects" -> "My personal experience in project involvement"
    Explanation: The revised phrase is more formal and maintains the academic tone.

  17. "To conclude," -> "In conclusion,"
    Explanation: "To conclude" is replaced with "In conclusion" for a more formal transition.

  18. "both activities may inspire and motivate them" -> "both endeavors can inspire and motivate them"
    Explanation: Substituting "activities" with "endeavors" and "may" with "can" makes the statement more formal while retaining clarity.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses all parts of the question. It discusses both the advantages and drawbacks of teaching children to cooperate through team sports at school.
    • How to improve: To enhance the comprehensiveness of the response, consider providing more specific examples or evidence to support the advantages and drawbacks mentioned.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout by acknowledging both the advantages and drawbacks of using team sports to teach cooperation. The stance is consistently presented.
    • How to improve: To further improve clarity, ensure that the thesis statement explicitly states the position on whether team sports are the best way to teach cooperation or not.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents and discusses ideas effectively. It provides examples and explanations to support the argument, such as the improvement in teamwork and emotional control through team sports.
    • How to improve: To enhance the depth of analysis, provide more specific details or examples to illustrate the points made.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic but briefly mentions other activities like workshops and volunteer projects as alternatives to team sports.
    • How to improve: While it’s acceptable to mention alternatives, ensure that the discussion remains primarily focused on team sports as the main topic. If discussing alternatives, elaborate on how they compare to team sports in teaching cooperation.

Overall, this essay presents a balanced view of the topic and effectively addresses the checklist criteria. To improve, it can benefit from providing more specific examples and ensuring that the thesis statement explicitly states the position on the issue.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay is generally well-organized, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. It follows a logical sequence of presenting arguments. The introduction sets the stage by introducing the topic and stating the writer’s stance. The body paragraphs discuss the advantages and disadvantages of teaching cooperation through team sports. The conclusion provides a concise summary of the main points made in the essay.
    • How to improve: While the essay is logically organized, the writer can further enhance the structure by ensuring that each body paragraph focuses on a single point and provides sufficient elaboration. This would make the essay even more coherent.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively to separate different ideas. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the topic, making it easier for the reader to follow the argument. Transitions between paragraphs are generally smooth.
    • How to improve: To further improve paragraph structure, the writer should consider using topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to clearly introduce the main idea of that section. Additionally, maintaining a consistent paragraph length throughout the essay can enhance visual cohesion.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay makes use of cohesive devices, such as transitional phrases and linking words (e.g., "on the one hand," "however," "to conclude"), to connect ideas and create a cohesive flow. These devices contribute to the overall coherence of the essay.
    • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, the writer can explore a wider range of linking words and phrases to add variety to sentence structures. Additionally, paying attention to the placement of these devices within sentences can further improve the essay’s coherence.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong level of coherence and cohesion, earning a band score of 7. To enhance it further, the writer should focus on refining paragraph structure, using topic sentences, and experimenting with a broader array of cohesive devices for more precise connections between ideas.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fairly wide range of vocabulary. It includes words and phrases such as "advance their solidarity," "emotional-control," "integrate into the community," "teamwork," "emotional quotient," "control their emotions," "solidarity and cooperation," "communication skills," "engage in various workshops," "problem-solving," and "collaborative skills," among others. These terms show a decent attempt to incorporate a variety of vocabulary related to the topic.
    • How to improve: To further enhance vocabulary usage, the writer can consider introducing more advanced vocabulary and idiomatic expressions where appropriate. Additionally, they can work on incorporating domain-specific vocabulary related to the topic of team sports and cooperation, which would demonstrate a deeper understanding.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary with a moderate level of precision. For instance, terms like "emotional-control" and "emotional quotient" are used with accuracy to convey specific ideas. However, there are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage, such as "solidarity and emotional-control" – the term "emotional-control" is repeated in a way that may not add precision to the argument.
    • How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should strive for clarity and avoid unnecessary repetition of terms. Additionally, they can pay attention to context and ensure that the chosen words precisely convey their intended meanings. It’s important to use synonyms and related terms effectively to avoid redundancy.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains correct spelling throughout, with no major spelling errors observed. The writer demonstrates good spelling accuracy, which contributes positively to the overall readability of the essay.
    • How to improve: To maintain spelling accuracy, the writer should continue to proofread their work carefully before submission. While no major issues were found in this essay, it’s always a good practice to double-check for any minor spelling errors that may have been missed.

Overall, this essay receives a Band Score of 6 for Lexical Resource. The writer has displayed a decent range of vocabulary, with room for improvement in using more advanced and domain-specific terms. Vocabulary precision is generally good, but avoiding unnecessary repetition would enhance clarity. Spelling accuracy is strong and should be maintained through careful proofreading.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures, including simple and complex sentences. It effectively uses coordination (e.g., "On the one hand," "Furthermore," "However," "To conclude") and subordination (e.g., "When attending team sports," "By engaging in team sports," "Practicing those skills does not enable shy kids…"). These structures contribute to the essay’s overall coherence and readability.
    • How to improve: While the essay employs a wide range of structures, there’s room for further improvement by incorporating more advanced sentence constructions, such as conditional sentences or passive voice. Introducing these structures can enhance the essay’s sophistication.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains grammatical accuracy, with few errors in subject-verb agreement or tense consistency. However, there are some minor grammatical issues, such as "kids may advance their solidarity" (should be "kids may enhance their solidarity") and "engaging in various workshops or volunteer projects, children who are not confident firstly divide into small groups" (awkward phrasing). Additionally, there’s inconsistency in comma usage, with some unnecessary commas and missing ones in compound sentences.
    • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should pay attention to subject-verb agreement, tense consistency, and sentence structure clarity. Proofreading the essay to correct minor errors and ensuring consistent comma usage can further enhance the overall accuracy.

Overall, this essay demonstrates strong grammatical range and accuracy. The writer effectively utilizes a variety of sentence structures, contributing to the essay’s coherence and clarity. Minor grammatical issues and inconsistent comma usage can be addressed through careful proofreading and editing.

Bài sửa mẫu

An increasing number of individuals contend that children can enhance their sense of solidarity and emotional regulation through participation in team sports at school. In this essay, I will argue that this approach has both advantages for enhancing children’s personality and drawbacks concerning access to other activities.

On the one hand, children may enhance their capacity to integrate into the community and improve their ability to cooperate with peers by engaging in team sports, especially football and basketball. Participation in team sports is crucial for children to learn how to cultivate their teamwork skills, which are vital for facilitating effective cooperation. Furthermore, playing team sports at school helps children improve their emotional quotient, which is essential for effective cooperation. By participating in team sports, it is crucial that children learn how to control their emotions in order to communicate efficiently during matches. According to a recent study, nearly all children who engage in team sports may acquire solidarity and cooperation skills as they grow up.

However, it is worth noting that acquiring communication skills through team sports may not be universally appropriate for children in all contexts. Exercising these skills does not facilitate introverted children in integrating with peers, as communication is crucial in playing sports. Therefore, for children who may not thrive in team sports, various alternative activities are available for them to enhance their cooperation skills. Engaging in various workshops or volunteer projects, these children, who are not confident initially, can divide into small groups and gradually acquire other skills such as problem-solving and cooperation. Additionally, they will have the opportunity to connect with individuals from diverse fields through social projects, which can facilitate their acquisition of communication skills in numerous situations and how to address them. My personal experience in project involvement has taught me the importance of collaborative skills.

In conclusion, while there are various advantages to enhancing children’s cooperation skills through team sports, it’s important to recognize that other activities can also play a crucial role in their skill development. From my perspective, both endeavors can inspire and motivate them to cooperate better with peers in the future.

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