The chart and table below give information about tourists at a particular holiday resort in Australia. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
The chart and table below give information about tourists at a particular holiday resort in Australia. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
The provided pie graph compares the proportion of visitors by regions of their origin at an Australian resort, while the data table provides further information of such groups in three aspects: average length of stay, most popular accommodation choice and main activity.
Overall, European travellers take up the biggest percentage, then followed by the American counterparts in the group of guests visiting this holiday resort. Another noteworthy observation is that Asian and American tourists share the same main activity, which is sightseeing, during their holiday.
As can be seen from the data, tourists from Europe and America account for 37% and 35% respectively, ranking first and second in the percentage of guests coming to this resort. Moreover, these two groups also have the longest duration of their average stay, which is 16 days for European tourists and 14 days for American ones.
Regarding the most popular accommodation choice, despite amounting to the lowest proportion, Asian tourists prefer the most luxurious option, which is a 5-star hotel. On the other hand, European tourists and those from other regions opt for more modest options, which are camping or caravan. Considering what to do during holiday, visitors from Asia and America tend to choose sightseeing, while their counterparts from Europe and other regions prefer activities related to water, such as swimming, sunbathing or surfing.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"the proportion of visitors by regions of their origin" -> "the proportion of visitors by their region of origin"
Explanation: The phrase "by regions of their origin" is slightly awkward. "By their region of origin" is more concise and flows better in formal writing. -
"the data table provides further information of such groups in three aspects" -> "the data table provides further information about these groups in three aspects"
Explanation: "About" is more appropriate than "of" in this context, as it indicates the relationship between the information and the groups. Additionally, "these" is more precise than "such." -
"take up the biggest percentage" -> "constitute the largest percentage"
Explanation: "Constitute" is a more formal and precise term than "take up," and "largest" is a more appropriate term than "biggest" in academic writing. -
"American counterparts in the group of guests visiting this holiday resort" -> "American counterparts among the guests visiting this holiday resort"
Explanation: "Among" is more suitable than "in the group of," which sounds overly verbose. This change enhances clarity and conciseness. -
"Another noteworthy observation is that Asian and American tourists share the same main activity, which is sightseeing, during their holiday." -> "Another notable observation is that Asian and American tourists share the same primary activity: sightseeing."
Explanation: "Notable" is a more formal synonym for "noteworthy," and "primary activity" is more precise than "main activity." The use of a colon improves the sentence structure. -
"account for 37% and 35% respectively" -> "account for 37% and 35%, respectively"
Explanation: The placement of the comma before "respectively" is necessary for proper punctuation in formal writing. -
"which is 16 days for European tourists and 14 days for American ones" -> "with an average duration of 16 days for European tourists and 14 days for American tourists"
Explanation: This revision clarifies that the numbers refer to the average duration of stay, improving the precision of the statement. -
"despite amounting to the lowest proportion" -> "despite representing the smallest proportion"
Explanation: "Representing" is a more formal and precise term than "amounting to," and "smallest" is more appropriate than "lowest" in this context. -
"those from other regions opt for more modest options, which are camping or caravan" -> "those from other regions opt for more modest accommodations, such as camping or caravanning"
Explanation: "Accommodations" is a more precise term than "options," and "such as" is a more formal way to introduce examples than "which are." -
"Considering what to do during holiday" -> "In terms of activities during the holiday"
Explanation: "In terms of activities" is a more formal and precise phrase than "Considering what to do," enhancing the academic tone. -
"while their counterparts from Europe and other regions prefer activities related to water" -> "whereas their counterparts from Europe and other regions prefer water-related activities"
Explanation: "Whereas" is more formal than "while," and "water-related activities" is a more precise phrasing than "activities related to water."
Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7
Band Score: 7
Explanation: The essay provides a clear overview of the main features of the data, including the proportion of visitors from different regions, their average length of stay, most popular accommodation choice, and main activity. The essay also makes comparisons where relevant, such as between the average length of stay for European and American tourists. However, the essay could be more fully extended by providing more detailed analysis of the data. For example, the essay could discuss the reasons why Asian tourists prefer 5-star hotels or why European tourists prefer swimming and sunbathing.
How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more detailed analysis of the data. For example, the essay could discuss the reasons why Asian tourists prefer 5-star hotels or why European tourists prefer swimming and sunbathing. The essay could also be improved by using more precise language. For example, instead of saying "European tourists and those from other regions opt for more modest options," the essay could say "European tourists and tourists from other regions prefer camping or caravan accommodation."
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay logically organizes information and ideas, presenting a clear progression throughout. Each paragraph addresses distinct aspects of the data, such as visitor proportions, average length of stay, accommodation choices, and main activities. The use of cohesive devices is appropriate, though there are moments where the connections between sentences could be more fluid. The central topic is clear within each paragraph, but there is some minor repetition and occasional lack of clarity in referencing.
How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the essay could enhance its cohesion by varying the use of cohesive devices and ensuring that transitions between sentences and ideas are smoother. Additionally, improving the clarity of referencing (for example, by explicitly stating which group is being referred to) would strengthen the overall coherence. Finally, ensuring that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence could further improve the organization and clarity of the essay.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7
Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary that allows for flexibility and precision in conveying the main features of the data. The use of less common lexical items, such as "counterparts," "noteworthy observation," and "proportion," shows awareness of style and collocation. However, there are occasional inaccuracies in word choice, such as "amounting to the lowest proportion," which could be better expressed as "having the lowest proportion." Additionally, there are minor errors in spelling and word formation, but these do not impede communication.
How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should aim to use a wider range of sophisticated vocabulary with greater precision. This includes avoiding inaccuracies in word choice and ensuring that collocations are used correctly. Additionally, minimizing spelling errors and enhancing the overall fluency of vocabulary usage would contribute to a stronger performance in the Lexical Resource criteria.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7
Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a variety of complex sentence structures and produces frequent error-free sentences. The writer shows good control of grammar and punctuation, though there are a few minor errors and awkward phrasings that slightly detract from overall clarity. For example, phrases like "the biggest percentage" could be more precisely stated as "the largest proportion." Overall, the grammatical range is sufficient to convey the intended meaning effectively.
How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on enhancing the accuracy of complex structures and reducing minor errors. This can be accomplished by proofreading for grammatical mistakes and refining awkward phrases for clarity. Additionally, incorporating a wider range of grammatical forms, such as conditional sentences or passive voice, could further demonstrate flexibility and sophistication in language use.
Bài sửa mẫu
The provided pie chart compares the proportion of visitors by their regions of origin at an Australian resort, while the accompanying data table offers further insights into these groups across three aspects: average length of stay, most popular accommodation choice, and main activity.
Overall, European travellers constitute the largest percentage of visitors, followed closely by their American counterparts. Another noteworthy observation is that both Asian and American tourists share the same primary activity, which is sightseeing, during their holidays.
As can be seen from the data, tourists from Europe and America account for 37% and 35% respectively, ranking first and second in terms of the percentage of guests visiting this resort. Furthermore, these two groups also enjoy the longest average stays, with European tourists averaging 16 days and American tourists averaging 14 days.
Regarding the most popular accommodation choice, despite representing the smallest proportion, Asian tourists prefer the most luxurious option, which is a 5-star hotel. In contrast, European tourists and those from other regions tend to opt for more modest accommodations, such as camping or caravans. When it comes to holiday activities, visitors from Asia and America predominantly choose sightseeing, while their counterparts from Europe and other regions prefer water-related activities, including swimming, sunbathing, or surfing.
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