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The chart below gives information about computer ownership in the US from 1997 to 2012. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below gives information about computer ownership in the US from 1997 to 2012. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The line graph illustrates the percentages of computer ownership in the United States (US) during the 15-year-period (1997-2012) in four different categories: those with no computer, one computer, two computers and 3 or more computers.

Overall, the percentages of Americans own one or more computers increased significantly while those without a computer decreased sharply to the third highest percentage. Since 2002, the figures for those having one computer had surpassed those of having none of the devices to become the highest figures utill the end of the surveyed period.

In 1997, nearly 70% people in the US didn't own a computer; however, the figure reduced dramatically to just under 20% in 2012. By contrast, starting with only above 25% of Americans owning one computer, the figure for this category rose sharply and became the most popular group with 50% in 2003, despite some fluctuations, and remained nearly the same to the last examined year.

The proportions for both "2 computers" and "3 or more computers" categories were relatively low, with just above 5% and nearly 0% respectively. Almost no Americans owned 3 or more computers until 2000 but afterwards the figure grew constantly to nearly 9% in 2012. Similarly, the percentage of those having 2 computer witnessed a constant rise and surpassed that of those without a computer in 2011 with 20% and ended with about 23% in the end of the period shown.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "the percentages of Americans own one or more computers" -> "the percentages of Americans who own one or more computers"
    Explanation: The original phrase lacks the necessary relative pronoun "who," which is required to connect the subject "Americans" with the verb "own," ensuring grammatical correctness.

  2. "decreased sharply to the third highest percentage" -> "decreased sharply, resulting in the third highest percentage"
    Explanation: The revised phrase clarifies the relationship between the decrease and the resulting percentage, enhancing the logical flow of the sentence.

  3. "the figures for those having one computer had surpassed those of having none of the devices" -> "the figures for individuals owning one computer surpassed those of individuals without any devices"
    Explanation: The term "individuals" is more precise and formal than "those," and "without any devices" is clearer than "having none of the devices," improving clarity and academic tone.

  4. "the figure reduced dramatically" -> "the figure decreased dramatically"
    Explanation: "Decreased" is a more formal and precise term than "reduced," which is often considered less formal in academic writing.

  5. "starting with only above 25% of Americans owning one computer" -> "beginning with just over 25% of Americans owning one computer"
    Explanation: "Beginning with" is a more formal alternative to "starting with," and "just over" is a more precise expression than "only above."

  6. "the most popular group with 50% in 2003" -> "the most prevalent category at 50% in 2003"
    Explanation: "Prevalent" is a more formal and precise term than "popular," which can imply subjective preference rather than statistical prevalence.

  7. "the proportions for both ‘2 computers’ and ‘3 or more computers’ categories were relatively low" -> "the proportions for both the ‘two computers’ and ‘three or more computers’ categories were relatively low"
    Explanation: Writing out "two" and "three" instead of using numerals is more appropriate in formal writing, and adding "the" before the categories improves clarity.

  8. "but afterwards the figure grew constantly" -> "but subsequently, the figure exhibited a consistent increase"
    Explanation: "Subsequently" is a more formal transition than "afterwards," and "exhibited a consistent increase" is more precise than "grew constantly," enhancing the academic tone.

  9. "the percentage of those having 2 computer witnessed a constant rise" -> "the percentage of individuals owning two computers experienced a consistent increase"
    Explanation: "Individuals owning" is more formal than "those having," and "experienced a consistent increase" is clearer and more precise than "witnessed a constant rise."

  10. "in 2011 with 20% and ended with about 23% in the end of the period shown" -> "in 2011, reaching 20%, and concluded with approximately 23% by the end of the observed period"
    Explanation: "Reaching" and "concluded" provide a more formal tone, while "approximately" is more precise than "about," and "by the end of the observed period" clarifies the timeframe.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the main features of the chart, but it does not fully satisfy all the requirements of the task. The essay presents an overview with information appropriately selected, but the details are not always accurate. For example, the essay states that "almost no Americans owned 3 or more computers until 2000," but the chart shows that this was not the case. The essay also states that "the figure for those having one computer had surpassed those of having none of the devices to become the highest figures utill the end of the surveyed period," but this is not entirely accurate. The essay does not fully extend the key features of the chart, and it could be more fully developed.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more accurate details and by extending the key features of the chart. The essay could also be improved by using more precise language and by avoiding unnecessary repetition. For example, the essay could be improved by stating that "the percentage of Americans owning one computer surpassed the percentage of Americans owning no computers in 2003," rather than saying that "the figure for those having one computer had surpassed those of having none of the devices to become the highest figures utill the end of the surveyed period."

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay presents information in a coherent manner, with a clear overall progression from the introduction to the conclusion. The main features of the data are summarized, and comparisons are made where relevant. However, there are instances where cohesion is not effectively maintained, such as the use of cohesive devices that may feel mechanical or slightly forced. Additionally, the paragraphing is present but not always logically structured, particularly in the way information is grouped and presented.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on using a wider variety of cohesive devices appropriately, ensuring that transitions between sentences and paragraphs are smooth and logical. Improving the clarity of referencing and substitution would also help to avoid repetition. Furthermore, organizing the information into more distinct paragraphs that each focus on a single main idea would strengthen the overall structure of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary suitable for the task, with some attempts to use less common lexical items. However, there are noticeable inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, such as "the third highest percentage" and "the most popular group," which could lead to confusion. Additionally, there are errors in spelling and word formation, such as "utill" instead of "until" and "2 computer" instead of "2 computers." These errors do not completely impede communication but do detract from the overall clarity and precision of the writing.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on expanding their vocabulary range and ensuring precise word choice. They should also pay attention to spelling and grammatical accuracy. Using varied sentence structures and more sophisticated vocabulary would enhance the fluency and flexibility of the writing. Furthermore, avoiding repetitive phrases and ensuring that all lexical items are used correctly in context would improve the overall quality of the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of a Band 6 score. While there are some attempts at complex structures, the overall grammatical accuracy is inconsistent. There are several grammatical errors, such as "the third highest percentage" which is unclear in context, and "utill" instead of "until." Additionally, phrases like "the figure reduced dramatically" could be better expressed as "the figure decreased dramatically." These errors do not significantly hinder communication, but they do indicate a lack of control over grammar and punctuation.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on increasing the accuracy of their grammatical structures and reducing errors. This can be accomplished by practicing more complex sentence forms and ensuring that all sentences are grammatically correct. Additionally, improving clarity in expression and using a wider range of vocabulary will enhance the overall quality of the writing. Regular proofreading and seeking feedback can also help identify and correct recurring mistakes.

Bài sửa mẫu

The line graph illustrates the percentages of computer ownership in the United States (US) during the 15-year period from 1997 to 2012 across four different categories: those with no computer, one computer, two computers, and three or more computers.

Overall, the percentages of Americans owning one or more computers increased significantly, while those without a computer decreased sharply, reaching the third highest percentage. Since 2002, the figures for individuals having one computer surpassed those of individuals having none, becoming the highest figures until the end of the surveyed period.

In 1997, nearly 70% of people in the US did not own a computer; however, this figure dramatically reduced to just under 20% by 2012. In contrast, starting with just above 25% of Americans owning one computer, this category rose sharply to become the most popular group, reaching 50% in 2003, despite some fluctuations, and remained nearly the same until the last examined year.

The proportions for both the "two computers" and "three or more computers" categories were relatively low, at just above 5% and nearly 0% respectively. Almost no Americans owned three or more computers until 2000, but afterwards, the figure grew steadily to nearly 9% in 2012. Similarly, the percentage of those owning two computers witnessed a consistent rise, surpassing that of those without a computer in 2011, reaching 20%, and ending at about 23% by the end of the period shown.

Bài viết liên quan

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more accessible. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more…

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