The chart below show the number of trips made by children in one country in 1990 and 2020 to travel to and from school using different modes of transport

The infographic provides a breakdown of data upon several means of transport used by the 5-12 demographics in order to commute to and from school in a nation from 1990 a to 2020.
Overall, it is evident that a most of researched transports witnessed an upward trend, while Car experienced the reverse pattern. Another focal point is that in former yeas, walking acted as the most prevalent means of transport, with whereas Ha 2020 observed automobiles served as the most-favored option amongst such children.
To commence with, when it comes to Walking, it took the leading position which registered at above 12 million was almost 3 times more than the figure for Car in 1990. After 30 years, the statistics of using cars for daily commutes descended significantly by 2 times to about 6 million which subsequently ceded its top spot to that of Car, at nearly 11 million
Moving on to the remainder, regardless of decline from 7 to 5 million over 30 years, taking the bus the second and third most popular means of transport in 1990 and 2020 respectively. Conversely, the least utilized modes were cycling and a combination of walking and bus, standing at the same level of 6 million in 1990 before undergoing a drop of 4 million and 3 million trips, respectively in 2020

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"a most of researched transports" -> "most of the researched modes of transport"
Explanation: "A most of researched transports" is grammatically incorrect. The correct phrase should be "most of the researched modes of transport" to maintain grammatical accuracy and clarity.
"former yeas" -> "former years"
Explanation: "Yeas" is a typographical error and should be corrected to "years" for proper spelling and clarity.
"with whereas" -> "whereas"
Explanation: "With whereas" is incorrect. "Whereas" should be used to introduce a contrast, which is the intended meaning here.
"most-favored option amongst such children" -> "most popular option among children"
Explanation: "Most-favored" is not a standard term in academic writing. "Most popular" is more commonly used and appropriate for formal texts.
"it took the leading position which registered at above 12 million was almost 3 times more than the figure for Car" -> "it held the leading position, with a figure of over 12 million, nearly three times that of Car"
Explanation: The original sentence is awkwardly constructed and unclear. The revised version clarifies the comparison and improves readability.
"descended significantly by 2 times" -> "decreased significantly by half"
Explanation: "Descended significantly by 2 times" is unclear and informal. "Decreased significantly by half" is more precise and formal.
"ceded its top spot" -> "lost its top position"
Explanation: "Ceded its top spot" is informal and colloquial. "Lost its top position" is more formal and suitable for academic writing.
"taking the bus the second and third most popular means of transport" -> "buses ranked second and third in popularity"
Explanation: The original phrase is awkwardly constructed. The suggested revision simplifies and clarifies the statement.
"the least utilized modes" -> "the least used modes"
Explanation: "Utilized" is slightly formal but not typically used in this context. "Used" is more direct and appropriate for academic writing.
"standing at the same level of 6 million" -> "equalling 6 million"
Explanation: "Standing at the same level of" is verbose and less precise. "Equalling" is more concise and academically appropriate.
"undergoing a drop of 4 million and 3 million trips, respectively" -> "experiencing a decline of 4 million and 3 million trips, respectively"
Explanation: "Undergoing a drop" is less formal and slightly vague. "Experiencing a decline" is more precise and formal, fitting the academic style better.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5

Explanation: The essay generally addresses the task, but the format is inappropriate in places. The essay does not provide a clear overview of the main trends, and the data is recounted mechanically with no clear overview. The essay presents some key features, but it inadequately covers them. There is a tendency to focus on details.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clear overview of the main trends in the data. The essay should also focus on presenting the key features of the data, rather than recounting details mechanically. The essay should also be more concise and avoid unnecessary repetition.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, but there is a noticeable lack of overall progression. While it attempts to discuss the trends in transport modes, the ideas are not always logically sequenced, which can confuse the reader. The use of cohesive devices is inadequate and at times inaccurate, leading to a mechanical feel in some sentences. Additionally, there are instances of repetition and unclear referencing, particularly in the transitions between ideas. The paragraphing is present but lacks clarity and logical flow, which detracts from the overall coherence of the essay.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on logically structuring the essay by clearly defining the main points and ensuring that each paragraph has a central topic. Improving the use of cohesive devices, such as conjunctions and referencing, will help create smoother transitions between ideas. Additionally, ensuring that the paragraphing is appropriate and contributes to the overall flow of the essay will improve clarity. Finally, proofreading for grammatical accuracy and clarity will help eliminate mechanical errors that disrupt the reading experience.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While it attempts to use some less common vocabulary, such as "demographics" and "infographic," there are noticeable errors in word choice and collocation, such as "a most of researched transports" and "ceded its top spot to that of Car." Additionally, there are issues with spelling and word formation, such as "Ha 2020" and "in former yeas," which may cause some difficulty for the reader. Overall, the lexical resource is sufficient to convey the main ideas, but the errors and limitations in vocabulary usage prevent a higher score.

How to improve: To enhance lexical resource, the writer should focus on expanding their vocabulary and practicing the use of less common lexical items accurately. They should also pay attention to collocation and ensure that word choices are appropriate for the context. Additionally, proofreading for spelling and grammatical errors can help improve clarity and coherence in their writing. Engaging with a variety of texts can also aid in developing a more sophisticated vocabulary.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, primarily relying on simple sentences with some attempts at complex structures. However, there are frequent grammatical errors, such as incorrect verb forms ("a most of researched transports"), awkward phrasing ("with whereas Ha 2020"), and punctuation issues that can cause confusion for the reader. These errors detract from the overall clarity and coherence of the essay, making it difficult to fully understand the intended message.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on expanding their range of grammatical structures by incorporating more complex sentences and ensuring that they are used accurately. Additionally, careful proofreading to eliminate grammatical errors and improve punctuation would enhance clarity. Practicing the use of varied sentence structures and ensuring that each sentence conveys a clear and precise meaning will also contribute to a better score.

Bài sửa mẫu

The infographic provides a breakdown of data on several means of transport used by the 5-12 age demographic to commute to and from school in a nation from 1990 to 2020. Overall, it is evident that most of the researched transport modes experienced an upward trend, while car usage experienced the opposite pattern. Another focal point is that in the earlier years, walking was the most prevalent means of transport, whereas in 2020, automobiles became the most favored option among these children.

To commence with, when it comes to walking, it held the leading position, registering at over 12 million trips, which was almost three times more than the figure for cars in 1990. After 30 years, the statistics for using cars for daily commutes significantly declined by half to about 6 million, which subsequently ceded its top spot to walking, at nearly 11 million trips.

Moving on to the remainder, despite a decline from 7 million to 5 million over the 30 years, taking the bus remained the second most popular means of transport in 1990 and the third in 2020, respectively. Conversely, the least utilized modes were cycling and a combination of walking and bus, both standing at the same level of 6 million in 1990 before undergoing drops of 4 million and 3 million trips, respectively, in 2020.