the chart below shows global sales of the top five mobile phone brands between 2009 and 2013. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisions where relevant

Given is bar chart demonstrating the number of products being sold by five top-selling cell phone brand names in three years of 2009, 2011 and 2013. Overall, it is clear that the number of products used by purchasers of Samsung and Nokia were on the all-time list throughout the period. Notably, all categories followed an upward trend with the exception of the figures for Nokia and LG.

Regarding the most dominant cell phone brand names, over 200 million products sold of Samsung was doubled by the data of Nokia in 2009. Over the next four years, the number of Samsung’s users surpassed that of Nokia with a similar number, at over 400 million products were purchased. Nokia witnessed a significant drop in handsets sales of approximately 200 million phones and lost its first ranking for Nokia in 2011.

Turning to the other popular phone manufacturers which were LG, ZTE, and Apple. With a much lower extent compared to above-mentioned categories, the number of LG’s cell phones bought was around 100 million, however, it was still higher two times than that of ZTE, which hovered around 50 million in the whole period. Meanwhile, at the beginning, Apple constituted for a very small number of mobile phones used of all five brands, at only roughly 20 million, however, it made a considerable leap to nearly 100 million products sold until reaching its peak of 150 million and surpassed the other retailers in 2011.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"Given is bar chart demonstrating" -> "Presented is a bar chart illustrating"
Explanation: "Given" is less formal and direct. "Presented" is more appropriate for academic or formal contexts. "Illustrating" is a more precise term for describing the function of a bar chart.
"the number of products being sold" -> "the volume of products sold"
Explanation: "Being sold" is passive and less dynamic. "Volume" is a more sophisticated term for quantity, enhancing the precision of the description.
"the number of products used by purchasers" -> "the number of products purchased"
Explanation: "Used by purchasers" is redundant as "purchased" implies acquisition by buyers. "Purchased" is a more direct and concise term for acquisition.
"were on the all-time list" -> "remained consistently high"
Explanation: "On the all-time list" is unclear and awkward. "Remained consistently high" conveys the idea that the number of products for Samsung and Nokia maintained a high level throughout the period.
"Regarding the most dominant cell phone brand names" -> "Concerning the predominant cell phone manufacturers"
Explanation: "Regarding" is less formal. "Predominant" is a more precise term for describing the leading cell phone manufacturers.
"With a much lower extent compared to above-mentioned categories" -> "With significantly fewer sales compared to the aforementioned brands"
Explanation: "Lower extent" is vague and imprecise. "Fewer sales" is a clearer and more precise description of the comparison.
"at the beginning" -> "Initially"
Explanation: "At the beginning" is less formal. "Initially" is a more concise and sophisticated term for indicating the start of a period.
"it made a considerable leap" -> "it experienced a substantial increase"
Explanation: "Made a leap" is colloquial. "Experienced a substantial increase" is a more formal and precise expression for describing significant growth.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay adequately covers the requirements of the task by summarizing the information presented in the chart. It provides a clear overview of the main trends in global sales of the top five mobile phone brands between 2009 and 2013. Key features such as the dominance of Samsung and Nokia, the decline of Nokia, and the rise of Apple are appropriately highlighted and illustrated. However, the explanation could be more fully extended, especially in discussing the trends of LG and ZTE, and providing more precise comparisons between the brands.

How to improve:
To improve, the essay could provide more detailed comparisons between the sales figures of each brand, particularly for LG and ZTE. Additionally, expanding on the reasons behind the trends observed, such as the factors contributing to the decline of Nokia and the rise of Apple, would enhance the depth of analysis and improve the overall clarity of the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation:
The essay arranges information and ideas coherently and there is a clear overall progression. It effectively uses cohesive devices, though there are instances of mechanical cohesion within and between sentences. The essay presents a clear central topic within each paragraph. However, the paragraphing is not always logical, as some transitions between paragraphs could be smoother and more cohesive. Additionally, there are minor issues with referencing, as clarity and appropriateness in referencing could be improved.
How to improve:
To enhance coherence and cohesion, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs by using cohesive devices effectively. Also, pay close attention to referencing and paragraphing logic to maintain clarity and progression throughout the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary for the task. It effectively describes the data trends and makes comparisons between the different mobile phone brands. There is an attempt to use less common vocabulary, but some inaccuracies are present, such as "Notably, all categories followed an upward trend with the exception of the figures for Nokia and LG," where "categories" might not be the most suitable term. Additionally, there are occasional errors in word choice and word formation, such as "Nokia witnessed a significant drop in handsets sales" where "handsets sales" should be "handset sales." Despite these minor inaccuracies, the vocabulary is diverse enough to convey the information clearly.

How to improve: To enhance lexical resource, focus on using more precise and appropriate vocabulary throughout the essay. Ensure consistency in word choice and collocation. Proofreading for spelling and word formation errors would also help improve accuracy and coherence.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, as evident in phrases like "Given is bar chart demonstrating…" and "Notably, all categories followed an upward trend…". There are attempts to vary sentence structures and use complex forms, though some sentences could be more concise and clear. The essay communicates the main features of the chart and makes relevant comparisons, such as the comparison between Samsung and Nokia sales over the years. However, there are several grammatical errors and inaccuracies throughout the essay, such as "the number of products used by purchasers of Samsung and Nokia were on the all-time list throughout the period" and "over 200 million products sold of Samsung was doubled by the data of Nokia". These errors occasionally affect the clarity of communication but do not significantly hinder understanding.

How to improve:

Focus on sentence clarity and precision. Avoid convoluted sentence structures and aim for clear and concise expression of ideas.
Pay closer attention to subject-verb agreement and tense consistency to eliminate grammatical errors.
Review the use of articles (e.g., "the" or "a") and prepositions to ensure accuracy in sentence construction.
Proofread the essay thoroughly to identify and correct errors in grammar and punctuation before submission.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided bar chart illustrates the global sales figures for the top five mobile phone brands from 2009 to 2013. Overall, Samsung and Nokia maintained their dominance in the market, while other brands experienced varying degrees of success.

In 2009, Nokia led the market with over 200 million units sold, doubling Samsung’s sales. However, Samsung steadily increased its sales over the following years, surpassing Nokia by 2013 with over 400 million units sold, while Nokia experienced a significant decline in sales, dropping by approximately 200 million units in 2011.

Among the other prominent brands, LG consistently sold around 100 million units throughout the period, outperforming ZTE, which hovered around 50 million units. Apple, initially with a modest market share of approximately 20 million units in 2009, experienced remarkable growth, reaching nearly 100 million units by 2011 and peaking at 150 million units by 2013, surpassing its competitors.

Overall, Samsung emerged as the leading mobile phone brand by 2013, followed by Nokia, with Apple showing significant growth and LG maintaining a stable market share.