The chart below shows the annual pay (thousands of US dollars) for doctors and other workers in seven countries in 2004.

The chart illustrates the average salary of doctors per year compared with other jobs in seven different countries in 2004. Overall, it can be easily observed that the payment for doctors was higher than that of other professions in every country, with the biggest gap coming from the US and the smallest difference coming from Finland.

To be more detailed, the highest-paid doctors were from the US, receiving 120 thousand on an annual average, which made the greatest gap with other careers by almost 80 thousand. The second biggest gap between medical practitioners and other professions was in the Czech Republic, with a 42-thousand difference, which was closely followed by Germany with a 1,000 gap. In addition, the money paid to doctors in France and Italy was $40,000 more than that for other jobs. A similar trend was witnessed in the difference between doctors' and other careers' payments in Switzerland, as the doctors received $70,000 a year while other employees were paid $40,000. Last but not least, the smallest gap came from Finland, which was just $20,000.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"illustrates" -> "depicts"
Explanation: Replacing "illustrates" with "depicts" offers a more sophisticated and precise term commonly used in academic and formal contexts to describe visual representations like charts.
"payment" -> "remuneration"
Explanation: "Remuneration" is a more formal and precise term for describing salaries or payments, often used in professional or academic writing to convey a higher level of sophistication.
"careers" -> "occupations" or "professions"
Explanation: While "careers" is not incorrect, using "occupations" or "professions" adds variety and elevates the language, providing a more nuanced and precise description of different types of work.
"the biggest gap" -> "the largest disparity"
Explanation: "Disparity" is a more precise and formal term to describe differences, especially in the context of salaries or payments, and "largest" adds emphasis and clarity to the statement.
"a 42-thousand difference" -> "a difference of 42 thousand"
Explanation: This change maintains clarity while adhering to standard grammatical structure, making the phrase more concise and formal.
"the money paid to doctors" -> "the compensation for doctors"
Explanation: "Compensation" is a more formal and professional term for describing payment or remuneration, commonly used in discussions about salaries and wages.
"A similar trend was witnessed" -> "A comparable trend was observed"
Explanation: "Comparable" and "observed" are more formal and precise alternatives to "similar" and "witnessed," respectively, enhancing the sophistication of the sentence.
"while other employees were paid" -> "whereas other employees received"
Explanation: "Whereas" is a more formal conjunction than "while," and "received" is a more precise and formal verb choice to describe payment or remuneration.
"Last but not least" -> "Finally"
Explanation: "Finally" is a more concise and standard transition phrase, commonly used in formal writing, that maintains the flow of the sentence without resorting to clichés.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

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Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay adequately covers the requirements of the task by providing a clear overview of the main trends in the data. It effectively highlights the key features, such as the salary gaps between doctors and other professions in each country. The response is generally well-developed and presents the information in a coherent manner.
How to improve: To improve, consider providing more detailed explanations or comparisons of the data. Additionally, ensure that all key points are fully extended and relevant to the task. Consider structuring the essay with clearer paragraph transitions for smoother flow.
]

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay logically organizes information and ideas with clear progression throughout. It effectively uses a range of cohesive devices, although there are minor instances of over-/under-use. Each paragraph presents a clear central topic, and overall, the essay is well-structured and cohesive.
How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion further, ensure consistent use of cohesive devices throughout the essay without overloading or underusing them. Additionally, aim for even smoother transitions between sentences and paragraphs for seamless progression of ideas.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary to convey information about the chart. There is appropriate use of vocabulary related to the topic, such as "average salary," "medical practitioners," "annual average," and "profession," showing some flexibility and precision. Additionally, less common lexical items like "practitioners" and "professions" are appropriately used. The essay attempts to convey precise meanings through vocabulary choice. While there are occasional minor errors in word choice (e.g., "payment" instead of "pay"), they do not significantly detract from understanding. Some awareness of style and collocation is evident, contributing to the coherence of the essay.

How to improve:
To improve, strive for even greater precision and fluency in vocabulary usage. Pay closer attention to word choice to minimize occasional errors and ensure consistency throughout the essay. Additionally, continue expanding your range of less common lexical items to enhance the richness of expression. Finally, aim for more variety in sentence structures to further demonstrate lexical flexibility and control.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a good level of grammatical range and accuracy. The writer utilizes a variety of sentence structures effectively, including simple and complex sentences. There is evidence of control over grammar and punctuation, with the majority of sentences being error-free. The essay effectively communicates the information without significant hindrance due to grammatical errors.

How to improve: To further enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer could incorporate a wider variety of complex structures and sentence patterns. Additionally, paying closer attention to punctuation consistency and accuracy could help elevate the essay to a higher band score. Continuing to practice writing and editing for grammatical precision will aid in achieving even greater fluency and accuracy in future compositions.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided chart delineates the annual remuneration (in thousands of US dollars) for medical practitioners juxtaposed with other occupations across seven nations in the year 2004. In general, it is evident that doctors commanded a higher salary compared to other professions in each country, with the most significant disparity observed in the United States and the least disparity in Finland.

Delving into specifics, physicians in the United States garnered the highest compensation, averaging $120,000 annually, showcasing the most substantial discrepancy of nearly $80,000 compared to other vocations. The Czech Republic followed suit with a $42,000 margin between medical practitioners and other occupations, closely pursued by Germany with a $1,000 differential. Moreover, doctors in France and Italy earned $40,000 more annually than their counterparts in alternative careers. A similar pattern emerged in Switzerland, where doctors received $70,000 annually while other professionals received $40,000. Lastly, Finland exhibited the smallest wage gap, amounting to a mere $20,000.