The chart below shows the changes in the percentage of households with cars in one European country between 1971 and 2001. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart presents data on the change in the proportion of families with cars in one European country during thirty-year period from 1971 to 2001.

Overall, it can be seen that the category of one car users exhibited upward trend, while no car group showed a gradual declined during a whole period.

Starting with one car users, it demonstrated just over 30% in 1971, which gradually decreased to just under 20% in 1991. However, it followed with a sharp decline in 2001, accounting for approximately 44%, representing the highest proportion among others in that year. Meanwhile, households with two cars showed the lowest percentage with roughly 20% in 1971, which experienced fluctuations during the period, demonstrating about 31% in 2001.

Conversely, households showed the highest points at about 50% in 1971, after there was a steady decline until 1991 with exactly 30%. This figure remains unchanged last 10 years until 2001, becoming the least common category.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The bar chart presents" -> "The bar chart illustrates"
Explanation: "Illustrates" is a more precise term in academic writing, emphasizing the visual representation of data rather than simply presenting it, which enhances the formal tone of the introduction.
"one European country" -> "a European country"
Explanation: Using "a" instead of "one" avoids the implication of specificity, which is more appropriate for general discussions about data trends.
"upward trend" -> "increasing trend"
Explanation: "Increasing trend" is a more formal and precise term, commonly used in academic and analytical contexts to describe changes in data over time.
"no car group showed a gradual declined" -> "the no-car group exhibited a gradual decline"
Explanation: "Exhibited" is more formal and appropriate for academic writing, and "decline" should be used as a singular noun to match the singular subject "group."
"it demonstrated just over 30%" -> "it represented approximately 30%"
Explanation: "Represented" is more precise and formal than "demonstrated" in this context, and "approximately" is more academically appropriate than "just over."
"which gradually decreased to just under 20%" -> "which decreased to approximately 20%"
Explanation: "Decreased to approximately 20%" is more precise and avoids the informal "just under."
"followed with a sharp decline" -> "experienced a significant decline"
Explanation: "Experienced a significant decline" is more formal and avoids the colloquial "followed with."
"accounting for approximately 44%" -> "accounting for approximately 44%"
Explanation: This is a typographical error correction, ensuring the correct punctuation.
"households with two cars" -> "households owning two cars"
Explanation: "Owning" is more specific and formal than "with" in this context, enhancing the clarity and formality of the description.
"showed the highest points" -> "registered the highest proportion"
Explanation: "Registered the highest proportion" is more precise and formal, suitable for academic writing, compared to the vague "showed the highest points."
"after there was a steady decline" -> "following a steady decline"
Explanation: "Following" is more formal and academically appropriate than "after," which is somewhat informal in this context.
"last 10 years" -> "the subsequent 10 years"
Explanation: "The subsequent 10 years" is more formal and precise, indicating a clear temporal relationship.

These changes enhance the formal tone and precision of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay addresses the requirements of the task by providing an overview of the main trends in car ownership. It also presents and adequately highlights key features/bullet points, such as the increase in one-car households and the decrease in no-car households. However, the essay does not provide a clear comparison of the trends across the different categories. For example, it states that "households with two cars showed the lowest percentage with roughly 20% in 1971, which experienced fluctuations during the period, demonstrating about 31% in 2001." However, it does not compare this trend to the trends in other categories.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a more detailed comparison of the trends across the different categories. For example, the essay could state that "the percentage of households with two cars increased from 20% in 1971 to 31% in 2001, while the percentage of households with no cars decreased from 50% to 28% over the same period." This would provide a clearer picture of the changes in car ownership over time.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, but there is a noticeable lack of overall progression. While it attempts to summarize the data, the connections between ideas are not always clear, leading to confusion. There are instances of inadequate use of cohesive devices, such as "however" and "meanwhile," which do not effectively link the ideas. Additionally, the paragraphing is inconsistent, and some sentences are repetitive, which detracts from the overall coherence of the response.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on clearly structuring paragraphs, ensuring each one presents a distinct idea or comparison. Using a wider range of cohesive devices appropriately can help clarify relationships between ideas. Additionally, improving the logical flow of information and avoiding repetition will contribute to a more coherent essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While it attempts to convey the main features of the chart, the use of vocabulary is repetitive and lacks sophistication. There are noticeable errors in word choice, such as "demonstrated just over 30%" instead of "was just over 30%," and inaccuracies in collocation, such as "exhibited upward trend"instead of "exhibited an upward trend." Additionally, there are spelling and grammatical errors (e.g., "showed a gradual declined" should be "showed a gradual decline"). These issues may cause some difficulty for the reader, affecting overall clarity.

How to improve: To enhance lexical resource, the writer should aim to use a wider range of vocabulary, including more precise terms and varied expressions. Reducing repetitive phrases and improving collocation will also strengthen the essay. Furthermore, careful proofreading to correct spelling and grammatical errors will contribute to clearer communication. Engaging with more complex sentence structures and integrating less common lexical items can elevate the overall quality of the writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures and attempts to use complex sentences; however, these attempts are often inaccurate. There are frequent grammatical errors, such as "exhibited upward trend" (should be "an upward trend") and "showed the highest points" (should be "had the highest percentage"). These errors can cause some difficulty for the reader in understanding the intended meaning. Additionally, punctuation issues are present, such as missing commas and incorrect sentence structures, which further detract from clarity.

How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on the following areas:

Sentence Structure: Practice using a wider variety of sentence structures, ensuring that complex sentences are grammatically correct.
Grammar and Punctuation: Review and correct common grammatical errors, paying attention to subject-verb agreement and article usage. Regular practice with punctuation rules can also help improve clarity.
Proofreading: After writing, take time to proofread the essay for any grammatical or punctuation errors, which can help catch mistakes before submission.
Feedback: Seek feedback from peers or instructors to identify specific areas of weakness and work on them systematically.

Bài sửa mẫu

The bar chart presents data on the changes in the proportion of households with cars in one European country over a thirty-year period from 1971 to 2001.

Overall, it can be observed that the category of one-car users exhibited an upward trend, while the no-car group showed a gradual decline throughout the entire period.

Starting with one-car users, this category demonstrated just over 30% in 1971, which gradually decreased to just under 20% in 1991. However, it experienced a sharp increase in 2001, accounting for approximately 44%, representing the highest proportion among the categories in that year. Meanwhile, households with two cars had the lowest percentage, with roughly 20% in 1971. This group experienced fluctuations during the period, reaching about 31% in 2001.

Conversely, households without cars peaked at about 50% in 1971, followed by a steady decline until 1991, when it reached exactly 30%. This figure remained unchanged over the last ten years until 2001, making it the least common category by that time.