The chart below shows the changes that took place in three different areas of crime in Newport city center from 2003-2012.

The line graph illustrates the figures for three categories of crime rates including burglary, car theft, and robbery in Newport city center over a period of nine years, between 2003 and 2012.
Overall, the number of burglary incidents witnessed a downward trend, while the figures for the two remaining categories experienced considerable fluctuation. Additionally, the data on robbery incidents was the lowest over the examined period.
In 2003, burglary was the most common crime, standing at approximately 3400 cases. Car theft followed with nearly 2800, while robberies trailed behind over 500 incidents. Over the next 5 years, robberies fluctuated in the range of 500 to nearly 800 incidents, while a downward trend was seen for the remaining types of crime. The figure for car theft remained stable until 2005, followed by a significant decrease to over 2000 incidents. Quite similarly, burglaries peaked at around 3700 cases by 2004 before witnessing a dramatic decrease at over 1000 incidents by 2008.
From 2008 to 2012, the data on robbery and burglary fluctuated at around 1400 and 700 reported cases, respectively. Over the same period, the number of car theft incidents saw an upward trend, reaching to nearly 2700 by 2012, being the highest compared to robbery and burglary.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The line graph illustrates" -> "The line graph depicts"
Explanation: "Depicts" is a more precise and formal term than "illustrates" in the context of presenting data in a graph, enhancing the academic tone of the introduction.
"figures for three categories of crime rates" -> "data for three categories of crime rates"
Explanation: "Data" is more specific and appropriate when referring to numerical information, aligning better with academic style than "figures."
"witnessed a downward trend" -> "experienced a decline"
Explanation: "Experienced a decline" is more precise and formal, fitting the academic context better than "witnessed a downward trend."
"considerable fluctuation" -> "significant fluctuations"
Explanation: "Significant" is more specific and academically appropriate than "considerable" when describing changes in data, and using the plural form "fluctuations" matches the plural nature of the data.
"the data on robbery incidents was the lowest" -> "the data on robbery incidents showed the lowest"
Explanation: "Showed" is more accurate in this context, as it correctly describes the presentation of data, rather than the more vague "was."
"standing at approximately 3400 cases" -> "approximately 3400 cases"
Explanation: Removing "standing at" simplifies the sentence and maintains a more formal tone by avoiding unnecessary words.
"car theft followed with nearly 2800" -> "car theft followed closely with approximately 2800"
Explanation: Adding "closely" clarifies the proximity of the values, and "approximately" is more precise than "nearly" in academic writing.
"robberies trailed behind over 500 incidents" -> "robberies lagged behind with fewer than 500 incidents"
Explanation: "Lagged behind" is more precise and formal than "trailed behind," and specifying "fewer than 500" is clearer than "over 500."
"a downward trend was seen" -> "a downward trend emerged"
Explanation: "Emerged" is more specific and academically appropriate than "was seen," which is somewhat vague.
"quite similarly" -> "similarly"
Explanation: "Quite" is redundant with "similarly," so removing it streamlines the sentence and maintains formality.
"dramatic decrease at over 1000 incidents" -> "significant decline to fewer than 1000 incidents"
Explanation: "Significant decline" is more precise and formal than "dramatic decrease," and "fewer than 1000" is more specific than "over 1000."
"the data on robbery and burglary fluctuated at around 1400 and 700 reported cases" -> "the data on robbery and burglary fluctuated at approximately 1400 and 700 reported cases"
Explanation: Adding "approximately" provides precision and aligns with academic standards for presenting data.
"the number of car theft incidents saw an upward trend, reaching to nearly 2700" -> "the number of car theft incidents exhibited an upward trend, reaching nearly 2700"
Explanation: "Exhibited" is more formal than "saw," and removing "to" before "nearly 2700" corrects the grammatical structure.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7

Explanation: The essay provides a clear overview of the main trends in the data. It accurately describes the overall trends for each type of crime, highlighting the key features of the data. However, the essay could be more fully extended by providing more specific details about the fluctuations in the data. For example, the essay could mention the specific years in which the crime rates peaked and troughed.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more specific details about the fluctuations in the data. For example, the essay could mention the specific years in which the crime rates peaked and troughed. The essay could also be improved by using more precise language to describe the trends in the data. For example, instead of saying that the crime rate "fluctuated," the essay could say that the crime rate "increased" or "decreased."

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay logically organizes information and ideas, demonstrating clear progression throughout. The introduction effectively sets the context, and the overview summarizes the main trends succinctly. Each paragraph presents a clear central topic, particularly in detailing the changes in crime rates. However, while cohesive devices are used appropriately, there are instances of slight overuse, particularly in transitions between sentences that could be more varied. Overall, the essay meets the criteria for Band 7, as it demonstrates a good level of coherence and cohesion, but there is room for improvement in the variety and precision of cohesive devices.

How to improve: To enhance the score, the writer could focus on using a wider range of cohesive devices to connect ideas more fluidly. Additionally, ensuring that paragraphing is not only clear but also enhances the logical flow of information would strengthen the overall coherence. More varied sentence structures and transitions could also improve the essay’s cohesion, making it more engaging and easier to follow.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary that allows for some flexibility and precision in conveying the information presented in the graph. The use of terms such as "downward trend," "considerable fluctuation," and "dramatic decrease" indicates an awareness of less common lexical items. However, there are occasional inaccuracies in word choice, such as "witnessed" which could be more appropriately replaced with "experienced" in this context. Additionally, there are minor errors in phrasing, such as "reaching to nearly 2700" which should be "reaching nearly 2700." Overall, while the vocabulary is adequate and mostly effective, the presence of these errors prevents a higher score.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the essay could benefit from a more sophisticated use of vocabulary and improved accuracy in word choice and collocation. Incorporating a wider range of less common lexical items and ensuring precise usage would enhance the overall quality. Additionally, proofreading for minor errors in phrasing and word formation would help in achieving greater lexical control.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a variety of complex sentence structures and includes a good number of error-free sentences. The writer shows good control of grammar and punctuation, with only a few minor errors present. For example, phrases like "the figures for the two remaining categories experienced considerable fluctuation" and "the data on robbery incidents was the lowest" illustrate the use of complex structures. However, there are some grammatical inaccuracies, such as "reaching to nearly 2700" which should be "reaching nearly 2700." These errors do not significantly impede understanding but indicate that the essay does not fully meet the criteria for a higher band.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on reducing grammatical errors and ensuring that all sentences are error-free. This could involve careful proofreading and practice with complex sentence structures to enhance accuracy. Additionally, varying sentence beginnings and incorporating more sophisticated vocabulary could further improve the overall grammatical range and accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

The line graph illustrates the figures for three categories of crime rates, including burglary, car theft, and robbery, in Newport city center over a period of nine years, from 2003 to 2012. Overall, the number of burglary incidents exhibited a downward trend, while the figures for the two remaining categories experienced considerable fluctuations. Additionally, the data on robbery incidents was the lowest throughout the examined period.

In 2003, burglary was the most prevalent crime, with approximately 3,400 cases reported. Car theft followed closely with nearly 2,800 incidents, while robberies lagged behind with just over 500 cases. Over the next five years, robbery figures fluctuated within the range of 500 to nearly 800 incidents, whereas a downward trend was observed for the other types of crime. The figure for car theft remained stable until 2005, after which it experienced a significant decline to just over 2,000 incidents. Similarly, burglaries peaked at around 3,700 cases in 2004 before undergoing a dramatic decrease to over 1,000 incidents by 2008.

From 2008 to 2012, the data on robbery and burglary fluctuated around 1,400 and 700 reported cases, respectively. Over the same period, the number of car theft incidents showed an upward trend, reaching nearly 2,700 by 2012, which was the highest figure compared to robbery and burglary.