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The chart below shows the foreign visitors numbers in 3 Vietnamese resorts from 2000 to 2006.

The chart below shows the foreign visitors numbers in 3 Vietnamese resorts from 2000 to 2006.

Introduced for examination is a bar chart illutrating the foreigners traveling to different resorts in Vietnam through a 6-year timeframe started from 2000. Tha statistics are presented in thousands.

Overall, Mui Ne and Phu Quoc exhibited an upward trend whereas Da Nang witnessed a decrease. Additionally, Da Nang went from the highest amount of travelers to the one with the lowest.

Beginning with the upper trend, Mui Ne started with 300,000 of people then rose slightly to approximately 400,000 in the next 2 years. After that, it climbed nearly double in 2004 before reaching the highest at over 900,000 at the end of the timeframe. Simultaneously, Phu Quoc stood at 500,000 initially then fluctuated at roughly 600,000 through the period shown.

Turning to the statistic witnessed a decline, Da Nang observed a biggest figure at precisely 900,000 in 2000, then it dropped to just over a half at 500,000 over 4 years. Subsequently, the data recovered about 250,000 by 2006 but still now the figure with the lowest record.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "Introduced for examination is a bar chart illutrating" -> "The bar chart presented for analysis illustrates"
    Explanation: "Introduced for examination" is awkward and overly formal. "The bar chart presented for analysis" is clearer and maintains an academic tone. Additionally, "illutrating" is a misspelling of "illustrating."

  2. "the foreigners traveling to different resorts" -> "foreign tourists visiting various resorts"
    Explanation: "The foreigners" is vague and informal; "foreign tourists" is more precise. "Traveling to" is replaced with "visiting," which is more appropriate in this context.

  3. "through a 6-year timeframe started from 2000" -> "over a six-year period beginning in 2000"
    Explanation: "Through a 6-year timeframe" is awkward; "over a six-year period" is more natural. "Started from" is replaced with "beginning in," which is clearer and more formal.

  4. "Tha statistics are presented in thousands" -> "The statistics are presented in thousands."
    Explanation: "Tha" is a typographical error; correcting it to "The" ensures grammatical accuracy.

  5. "exhibited an upward trend whereas Da Nang witnessed a decrease" -> "exhibited an upward trend, while Da Nang experienced a decline."
    Explanation: "Whereas" can be replaced with "while" for smoother flow. "Witnessed a decrease" is less formal than "experienced a decline," which is more precise.

  6. "went from the highest amount of travelers to the one with the lowest" -> "declined from the highest number of travelers to the lowest."
    Explanation: "Went from" is informal; "declined from" is more precise. "Amount" is typically used for uncountable nouns, while "number" is appropriate for countable nouns like "travelers."

  7. "the upper trend" -> "the upward trend"
    Explanation: "Upper trend" is not a standard phrase; "upward trend" is the correct term in this context.

  8. "300,000 of people" -> "300,000 people"
    Explanation: "Of people" is unnecessary and awkward; simply stating "300,000 people" is clearer and more concise.

  9. "then rose slightly to approximately 400,000 in the next 2 years" -> "then increased slightly to approximately 400,000 over the next two years."
    Explanation: "Increased" is a more formal term than "rose." "Over" is more appropriate than "in" for indicating duration.

  10. "climbed nearly double in 2004" -> "nearly doubled in 2004"
    Explanation: "Climbed nearly double" is awkward; "nearly doubled" is a more natural expression.

  11. "the statistic witnessed a decline" -> "the statistics indicate a decline"
    Explanation: "Witnessed" is informal; "indicate" is more appropriate in an academic context.

  12. "observed a biggest figure" -> "recorded the highest figure"
    Explanation: "Observed a biggest figure" is grammatically incorrect; "recorded the highest figure" is more precise and formal.

  13. "dropped to just over a half" -> "declined to just over half"
    Explanation: "Dropped" is informal; "declined" is more appropriate in an academic context.

  14. "the data recovered about 250,000 by 2006 but still now the figure with the lowest record" -> "the data recovered to approximately 250,000 by 2006, but it still represented the lowest figure."
    Explanation: "Recovered about" is vague; "recovered to approximately" is clearer. "Still now the figure with the lowest record" is awkward; "but it still represented the lowest figure" is more precise and grammatically correct.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the main trends in the chart, which is sufficient for Band 6. The essay also presents and adequately highlights key features/bullet points, but some details are irrelevant or inaccurate. For example, the essay states that Mui Ne "climbed nearly double in 2004," but the chart shows that the number of visitors increased by approximately 500,000, not double.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more accurate and relevant details. For example, instead of saying that Mui Ne "climbed nearly double in 2004," the essay could state that the number of visitors increased by approximately 500,000 from 2003 to 2004. The essay could also be improved by using more precise language. For example, instead of saying that Phu Quoc "fluctuated at roughly 600,000," the essay could state that the number of visitors remained relatively stable at around 600,000.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay arranges information and ideas coherently, presenting a clear overall progression from the introduction to the analysis of the data. However, while cohesive devices are used effectively, there are instances where the cohesion between sentences could be improved, leading to some mechanical flow. The paragraphing is present but not always logical, as some ideas could be better grouped to enhance clarity.

How to improve: To achieve a higher score, the writer should focus on enhancing the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs. This can be done by using a wider range of cohesive devices more effectively, ensuring that each paragraph clearly develops a single central topic. Additionally, refining the introduction and conclusion to better summarize the main trends and findings would strengthen the overall coherence of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary relevant to the task, with attempts to use less common terms such as "upward trend," "exhibited," and "fluctuated." However, there are noticeable inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, such as "upper trend" instead of "upward trend," and "the one with the lowest" which could be more clearly expressed. Additionally, there are some spelling errors (e.g., "illutrating" instead of "illustrating," "Tha" instead of "The") that detract from the overall quality. While the errors do not impede communication, they do indicate a need for improvement in lexical accuracy and control.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should focus on expanding their vocabulary range and ensuring precise word choice. Practicing synonyms and collocations, as well as proofreading for spelling errors, will also help. Additionally, using more sophisticated vocabulary and varying sentence structures can contribute to a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which aligns with the characteristics of Band 6. While there are some attempts at complex structures, they are not consistently accurate. The essay contains several grammatical errors and awkward phrasing that may hinder clarity, such as "the statistic witnessed a decline" and "the one with the lowest." However, the errors do not significantly impede overall communication.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on enhancing grammatical accuracy and increasing the variety of sentence structures. This can be accomplished by practicing more complex sentence forms and ensuring that all sentences are error-free. Additionally, refining word choice and phrasing will improve clarity and coherence, making the essay more effective in conveying information.

Bài sửa mẫu

The bar chart presented illustrates the number of foreign visitors traveling to different resorts in Vietnam over a six-year period from 2000 to 2006. The statistics are expressed in thousands.

Overall, Mui Ne and Phu Quoc exhibited an upward trend, whereas Da Nang experienced a decline. Notably, Da Nang transitioned from having the highest number of travelers to the lowest.

Focusing on the upward trends, Mui Ne began with 300,000 visitors and then rose slightly to approximately 400,000 over the next two years. Following this, it nearly doubled in 2004, ultimately reaching a peak of over 900,000 by the end of the period. Simultaneously, Phu Quoc started at 500,000 and fluctuated around 600,000 throughout the timeframe.

In contrast, Da Nang experienced a decline, starting with the highest figure of precisely 900,000 in 2000. This number then dropped to just over half, at 500,000, over the next four years. Subsequently, the data showed a recovery to about 250,000 by 2006, but it remained the lowest figure recorded.

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