The chart below shows the number of adults participating in different major sports in one area, in 1997 and 2017. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the number of adults participating in different major sports in one area, in 1997 and 2017.
Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The given picture illustrates the figure for adult participants in 7 distinct sports in a particular area from 1997 to 2017.
Overall, it is noticeable that among those sports, tennis is the most popular one in both years. Additionally, the data for most of the categories displayed upward trends, with the only exception of cricket and golf.
As previously mentioned, the number of adults playing tennis were superior to that of other sports, leading the chart with 50 thousand in 1997 and 55 thousand people in 2017. Following this were the data for swimming, rugby, golf and football, which were all around 33 with trivial differences. However, after 20 years, the figure for football and rugby climbed similarly by 15 thousand players while that for golf only rose slightly and that for swimming stayed the same.
In terms of remaining sports, the figure for basketball players in 1997 as there were only about 9 thousand, less than 16 thousand people compared to the second lowest number witnessed in cricket sectors. However, this order was reversed in 2019 when the data for basketball and cricket became 23 and 8 thousand respectively.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The given picture illustrates" -> "The diagram illustrates"
Explanation: "Diagram" is a more precise and formal term than "picture" in academic contexts, enhancing the formality of the language.
"adult participants" -> "adult participants in sports"
Explanation: Adding "in sports" clarifies the context, specifying that the participants are in sports, which enhances clarity and precision.
"most popular one" -> "most popular sport"
Explanation: Using "sport" instead of "one" corrects the grammatical structure and maintains the formal tone.
"displayed upward trends" -> "showed an upward trend"
Explanation: "Showed" is more appropriate than "displayed" in this context, as it directly relates to the visual representation of data. "An upward trend" is grammatically correct and more formal.
"the number of adults playing tennis were" -> "the number of adults playing tennis was"
Explanation: Corrects the grammatical error from "were" to "was" to agree with the singular subject "number."
"trivial differences" -> "minimal differences"
Explanation: "Minimal" is a more precise and academically appropriate term than "trivial," which can imply insignificance rather than just smallness.
"climbed similarly" -> "increased similarly"
Explanation: "Increased" is more specific and appropriate in this context, describing the numerical change in participants rather than the vague "climbed."
"only rose slightly" -> "increased only slightly"
Explanation: Adding "increased" clarifies the type of change, making the description more specific and formal.
"swimming stayed the same" -> "swimming participation remained unchanged"
Explanation: "Remained unchanged" is a more formal and precise way to describe stability in data, compared to the simpler "stayed the same."
"the figure for basketball players in 1997 as there were only about 9 thousand" -> "the number of basketball players in 1997 was approximately 9,000"
Explanation: Corrects the sentence structure for clarity and formality, replacing "as there were only about" with "was approximately," which is more precise and suitable for academic writing.
"less than 16 thousand people compared to the second lowest number witnessed in cricket sectors" -> "fewer than 16,000 participants compared to the lowest number in cricket"
Explanation: "Fewer" is the correct term for countable nouns like "participants," and "the lowest number in cricket" is more precise and formal than "the second lowest number witnessed in cricket sectors."
"this order was reversed" -> "this order was reversed"
Explanation: Corrects the verb tense to match the past context, aligning with the timeline discussed in the essay.

These changes enhance the formal tone, improve clarity, and ensure that the language is precise and appropriate for an academic setting.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the main features of the chart, including the most popular sport and the general trends in participation. It also makes some comparisons between the sports, but these are not always fully developed. For example, the essay states that "the figure for football and rugby climbed similarly by 15 thousand players," but it does not provide any specific details about the actual figures.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more specific details about the comparisons between the sports. For example, the essay could state that the number of football players increased from 33,000 in 1997 to 48,000 in 2017, while the number of rugby players increased from 30,000 to 45,000. This would provide a more detailed and accurate comparison between the two sports. The essay could also be improved by using more precise language. For example, instead of saying "the figure for golf only rose slightly," the essay could say "the number of golf players increased by only 2,000." This would make the essay more informative and easier to understand.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay presents information in a coherent manner, with a clear overall progression from the introduction to the body paragraphs. However, while the organization of information is generally logical, there are instances where the flow could be improved. The use of cohesive devices is evident, but there are moments where they feel mechanical or are not used effectively, leading to some awkward phrasing. Additionally, the referencing could be clearer, particularly in the transition between discussing different sports. Paragraphing is present, but the structure could be more logical to enhance clarity.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on enhancing the logical flow of ideas by using more varied and effective cohesive devices. Ensuring that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that transitions between ideas are smooth will improve coherence. Additionally, refining the use of referencing and avoiding repetitive phrases will contribute to a more polished and cohesive essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary suitable for the task. It attempts to use less common vocabulary, such as "illustrates," "upward trends," and "trivial differences," but there are instances of inaccuracy and awkward phrasing, such as "the number of adults playing tennis were superior" (should be "was superior") and "the figure for basketball players in 1997 as there were only about 9 thousand" (missing verb). There are also some errors in word formation and spelling, such as "the data for basketball and cricket became 23 and 8 thousand respectively," which could be clearer. Overall, while the communication is not impeded, the errors and inaccuracies prevent a higher score.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, focus on using a wider range of vocabulary accurately and appropriately. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement and ensure that sentences are grammatically correct. Additionally, practice using more sophisticated vocabulary and phrases while maintaining clarity and precision in meaning. Reducing errors in word formation and spelling will also contribute to a better score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of a Band 6 score. While the writer attempts to convey the information clearly, there are several grammatical errors and awkward phrasings that detract from the overall clarity. For instance, phrases like "the number of adults playing tennis were superior" should use "was superior" to match the singular subject. Additionally, the sentence structure in some areas is convoluted, which may confuse the reader. However, the errors do not significantly impede communication, allowing the main ideas to be understood.

How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on the following areas:

Subject-Verb Agreement: Ensure that subjects and verbs agree in number (e.g., "the number… was" instead of "were").
Sentence Structure: Aim for clearer and more concise sentence constructions. Avoid overly complex sentences that may lead to confusion.
Punctuation: Review punctuation rules to ensure clarity and correctness, especially in longer sentences.
Variety in Sentence Forms: Continue to use a mix of simple and complex sentences, but ensure that complex sentences are grammatically accurate and contribute to the clarity of the argument.

Bài sửa mẫu

The given picture illustrates the number of adult participants in seven distinct sports in a particular area from 1997 to 2017. Overall, it is noticeable that among these sports, tennis was the most popular in both years. Additionally, the data for most of the categories displayed upward trends, with the only exceptions being cricket and golf.

As previously mentioned, the number of adults playing tennis was superior to that of other sports, leading the chart with 50,000 participants in 1997 and increasing to 55,000 in 2017. Following this were the figures for swimming, rugby, golf, and football, which were all around 33,000 with minor differences. However, after 20 years, the figures for football and rugby climbed similarly by 15,000 players, while the number for golf only rose slightly and that for swimming remained unchanged.

In terms of the remaining sports, the number of basketball players in 1997 was only about 9,000, which was less than 16,000 compared to the second lowest number recorded in cricket. However, this order was reversed in 2017 when the figures for basketball and cricket became 23,000 and 8,000 respectively.