The chart below shows the number of international applicants to the universities of one European country. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relavant.
The chart below shows the number of international applicants to the universities of one European country. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relavant.
The bar chart illustrates how many internation applicants to the universities of 4 nations in Europe, including China, Japan, the USA and Russia from 2004 to 2008.
What stands out from the graph is that while Japan, the USA saw a rising trend throughout 4 years, China showed a downward trend. The data of Russian was always the lowest and had some fluctuations.
In 2004, China had the most applicants of all, at around 27000. However, the data of this country declined slightly to 18000 in 2006 and then remained stable between 2006 and 2007 before seeing a fall by 2000 in 2008. In contrast, the USA witnessed an opposite trend, with the figure experienced a dramatic rise from nearly 14000 in 2004 to 27000 in 2008.
There was a steady drop in Russian application from 3500 to 3000 in the first 2-year period. In this period, the number of people applying to Japanese universities remained stable, at about 7000. From 2005 to 2008, both Russia and Japan showed an upward trend in applicants, which growing up gradually and finally reaching a peak at over 4000 and 10000 respectively.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"The bar chart illustrates" -> "The bar chart depicts"
Explanation: "Depicts" is a more precise and formal term than "illustrates" in academic contexts, particularly when referring to visual representations like bar charts. -
"internation applicants" -> "international applicants"
Explanation: "Internation" is a typographical error; the correct term is "international," which refers to individuals from different countries. -
"the universities of 4 nations" -> "the universities of four nations"
Explanation: "Four" should be written as a numeral to maintain formal academic style, as "four" is typically used in formal writing. -
"saw a rising trend" -> "experienced a rising trend"
Explanation: "Experienced" is more precise and formal than "saw," which is somewhat informal for academic writing. -
"showed a downward trend" -> "displayed a downward trend"
Explanation: "Displayed" is more formal and appropriate for academic writing than "showed," which can be too conversational. -
"The data of Russian was always the lowest" -> "The data for Russia was consistently the lowest"
Explanation: "The data of Russian" is grammatically incorrect; "The data for Russia" is grammatically correct and more formal. "Consistently" is also more precise than "always." -
"had some fluctuations" -> "experienced fluctuations"
Explanation: "Experienced" is more formal and specific than "had," which is somewhat vague in this context. -
"the most applicants of all" -> "the highest number of applicants"
Explanation: "The highest number of applicants" is more precise and formal than "the most applicants of all," which is colloquial. -
"declined slightly to 18000" -> "decreased to approximately 18,000"
Explanation: "Decreased" is more specific and formal than "declined," and "approximately" is used to indicate the closeness of the number to the actual value, which is preferred in academic writing. -
"the figure experienced a dramatic rise" -> "the number of applicants experienced a significant increase"
Explanation: "The number of applicants" is more specific than "the figure," and "significant increase" is more formal and less dramatic than "dramatic rise." -
"which growing up gradually" -> "which gradually increased"
Explanation: "Which growing up" is grammatically incorrect and informal; "which gradually increased" is grammatically correct and formal. -
"finally reaching a peak at over 4000 and 10000 respectively" -> "ultimately reaching peaks of over 4,000 and 10,000 respectively"
Explanation: "Peaks" should be plural to match the plural "ultimately," and using numbers with commas is more formal in academic writing.
Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6
Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the main features of the chart, including the overall trends for each country. It also makes some comparisons between the countries. However, the essay does not fully extend the key features and some details are irrelevant or inaccurate. For example, the essay states that "the data of Russian was always the lowest" but this is not true, as the number of Russian applicants was higher than the number of Japanese applicants in 2004.
How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more specific details about the trends and comparisons. For example, the essay could state that the number of Chinese applicants decreased by approximately 9,000 between 2004 and 2008, while the number of US applicants increased by approximately 13,000. The essay could also provide more accurate information about the fluctuations in the number of Russian applicants. For example, the essay could state that the number of Russian applicants decreased by 500 between 2004 and 2005, but then increased by 1,000 between 2005 and 2006.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5
Band Score: 5.0
Explanation:
The essay presents information with some organization, but lacks overall progression. The introduction attempts to summarize the chart but lacks clarity and coherence. There are issues with cohesion as some sentences are awkwardly phrased or unclear, affecting the overall flow. Paragraphing is attempted but lacks consistency and logical progression between paragraphs. Cohesive devices are used, but often inaccurately or repetitively, which hinders the clarity and coherence of ideas.
How to improve:
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Organizational Structure: Ensure a clear and logical progression of ideas throughout the essay. Use introductory sentences to clearly outline the main trends or features presented in the data.
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Cohesion and Sentence Structure: Pay attention to sentence structure and coherence. Use cohesive devices (such as linking words and pronouns) more accurately and appropriately to connect ideas and improve readability.
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Paragraphing: Ensure each paragraph focuses on a clear central topic related to the data presented. Use topic sentences to introduce each paragraph and maintain a logical flow of information between paragraphs.
Improving these areas will help to elevate the coherence and cohesion of your essay, potentially achieving a higher band score.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5
Band Score: 5.0
Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a basic level of lexical resource suitable for the task. It uses a limited range of vocabulary, which is minimally adequate for conveying the main trends and features of the data presented in the chart. There are noticeable errors in word choice, spelling, and word formation throughout the essay, such as "internation applicants," "relavant," "Russian was always the lowest," and inconsistent verb forms ("witnessed an opposite trend"). These errors occasionally hinder clarity and may cause some difficulty for the reader.
How to improve:
To improve the Lexical Resource score:
- Expand Vocabulary: Incorporate a wider variety of vocabulary relevant to describing trends and comparisons in data, such as "fluctuations," "peaked," "steady drop," etc.
- Accuracy in Word Choice: Pay closer attention to word choice and ensure accurate spelling and word forms to avoid errors that affect communication.
- Sentence Structure: Maintain consistency in verb forms and sentence structures to enhance clarity and coherence.
By addressing these points, the essay could achieve a higher band score by demonstrating a more varied and accurate use of vocabulary suitable for academic writing tasks.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5
Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates an attempt to use a variety of sentence structures, including simple and some complex sentences. There are attempts at comparisons and detailed descriptions, but the accuracy and clarity are sometimes compromised by grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. Some sentences lack clarity and coherence due to grammatical issues.
How to improve: To improve the score, focus on increasing the range of sentence structures used, ensuring accuracy in grammar and punctuation. Practice forming more complex sentences accurately. Pay attention to sentence clarity and coherence, ensuring that ideas are communicated effectively without grammatical errors that can cause confusion.
Bài sửa mẫu
The bar chart illustrates the number of international applicants to universities in four European countries (China, Japan, the USA, and Russia) from 2004 to 2008.
Overall, the data reveals varied trends among these nations over the specified period. China began with the highest number of applicants in 2004, totaling approximately 27,000. However, this figure gradually decreased to 18,000 by 2006, stabilizing until a notable drop to around 12,000 by 2008. In contrast, the USA saw a significant increase in applicants, starting at nearly 14,000 in 2004 and steadily rising to 27,000 by 2008.
Meanwhile, Japan maintained a steady applicant count of approximately 7,000 from 2004 to 2006, before experiencing a gradual increase to over 10,000 by 2008. Conversely, Russia started with about 3,500 applicants in 2004, dropping slightly to 3,000 by 2006. Subsequently, Russia experienced an upward trend, reaching over 4,000 applicants by 2008.
In summary, while China observed a declining trend in international applicants, the USA and Japan experienced notable increases over the four-year period, with Russia also showing a modest rise after an initial decline.
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