The chart below shows the percentage of difference in income between men and women from 1978 to 2008

The provided chart gives information about the proportion of revenue disparity between two genders over 50 years.
Overall, it is evident that men and women in Japan showed the biggest gap in income among five countries. In addition, the difference in returns in almost nations witnessed a downward trend in the supplied period.
At the beginning of period, the proportion of disparity between ladies and gentlemen based on income was highest, at around 48%. The figures for the US and UK were lower, at approximately 33% and a little under 30%, respectively. Australia, however, accounted for the lowest percentage, at roughly 18%,and it was about 1% lower than that of France.
The period between 1978 to 2008 saw a significant fall in the proportion of the difference between two genders in terms of the income in Japan to nearly 41%. Meanwhile, the United State and the UK had a similar pattern that the figures for them rapidly decreased to somewhere in the vicinity of 37%. At the same time, there was also a steady drop in that of France to nearly 18%. By contrast, from 1998 to2008, the data on the difference in income of Australia suddenly climbed reached at approximately 24% in the final year.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The provided chart gives information about the proportion of revenue disparity between two genders over 50 years." -> "The chart provided presents data on the gender-based revenue disparities over a 50-year period."
Explanation: Replacing "gives information about" with "presents data on" refines the language to be more specific and academically appropriate, focusing on the type of information presented rather than the manner in which it is given.
"men and women in Japan showed the biggest gap in income" -> "Japanese men and women exhibited the largest income disparity"
Explanation: "Exhibited the largest income disparity" is more precise and formal than "showed the biggest gap in income," aligning better with academic style by using more technical vocabulary.
"the difference in returns in almost nations witnessed a downward trend" -> "the income disparities in nearly all countries exhibited a downward trend"
Explanation: "Income disparities" is a more specific term than "difference in returns," and "nearly all countries" is more precise than "almost nations," enhancing the formal tone and clarity.
"At the beginning of period" -> "At the outset of the period"
Explanation: "At the outset of the period" is a more formal and precise expression than "At the beginning of period," which is grammatically incorrect and too informal.
"ladies and gentlemen" -> "women and men"
Explanation: "Women and men" is a more neutral and formal way to refer to both genders in academic writing, avoiding the slightly archaic and less formal "ladies and gentlemen."
"it was about 1% lower than that of France" -> "it was approximately 1% lower than that in France"
Explanation: "Approximately" is more precise and formal than "about," and "that in France" clarifies the reference to the country more clearly.
"The period between 1978 to 2008" -> "The period from 1978 to 2008"
Explanation: "From" is the correct preposition to use when indicating a range of dates, making the phrase more grammatically correct and formal.
"the figures for them rapidly decreased to somewhere in the vicinity of 37%" -> "the figures for these countries rapidly decreased to approximately 37%"
Explanation: "Approximately" is more precise and formal than "somewhere in the vicinity of," and "these countries" is more specific than "them," enhancing clarity and formality.
"there was also a steady drop in that of France" -> "there was also a steady decline in French income disparities"
Explanation: "A steady decline in French income disparities" is more specific and formal than "a steady drop in that of France," which is vague and awkwardly phrased.
"the data on the difference in income of Australia suddenly climbed reached at approximately 24%" -> "the data on Australian income disparities suddenly increased to approximately 24%"
Explanation: "Increased to" is more accurate than "climbed reached at," which is incorrect and informal. "Australian income disparities" is also more precise than "the difference in income of Australia."

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay addresses the requirements of the task by providing an overview of the main trends in the chart. It also presents and highlights key features, such as the highest and lowest income disparities, and the general trend of decreasing income disparities. However, the essay does not fully extend the key features, and some details are irrelevant or inaccurate. For example, the essay states that the income disparity in Australia "suddenly climbed" from 1998 to 2008, but the chart shows a gradual increase.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more detailed and accurate information about the key features of the chart. For example, the essay could provide specific figures for the income disparities in each country at different points in time. The essay could also be improved by using more precise language to describe the trends in the chart. For example, instead of saying that the income disparity in Japan "decreased to nearly 41%," the essay could say that the income disparity in Japan decreased from 48% to 41%.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay presents information and ideas in a coherent manner, demonstrating a clear overall progression. The main points are logically organized, and there is a recognizable structure. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat mechanical, with instances of awkward phrasing and unclear referencing. Paragraphing is present but not always logical, as some ideas could be better grouped or separated for clarity.
How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on using a wider range of cohesive devices more naturally. This includes varying sentence structures and ensuring that references are clear and accurate. Additionally, improving the logical flow of paragraphs by grouping related ideas together and ensuring smooth transitions between them would strengthen the overall organization of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary for the task, with some attempts to use less common lexical items. However, there are noticeable inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, such as "proportion of revenue disparity" and "the difference in returns," which may not convey precise meanings. Additionally, there are errors in spelling and word formation, such as "the period between 1978 to 2008" (should be "from 1978 to 2008") and "suddenly climbed reached at approximately 24%," which disrupt the flow of the text but do not completely impede communication. Overall, while the vocabulary used is sufficient for the task, it lacks the sophistication and precision required for a higher band score.

How to improve: To enhance the Lexical Resource score, the writer should focus on expanding their vocabulary range and using more precise terms related to the topic. They should also work on improving collocation and ensuring that word choices accurately reflect the intended meaning. Additionally, proofreading for spelling and grammatical errors will help to eliminate minor mistakes that detract from the overall quality of the essay. Engaging with a wider variety of texts and practicing paraphrasing can also aid in developing a more sophisticated vocabulary.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of a Band 6 performance. While there are some grammatical errors and punctuation issues present, they do not significantly impede communication. The writer attempts to convey information clearly, but there are instances of awkward phrasing and minor inaccuracies that detract from the overall quality. The use of vocabulary is adequate, but the range of grammatical structures could be improved for higher band scores.

How to improve:

Enhance Sentence Variety: Incorporate a wider range of complex sentence structures to demonstrate greater grammatical flexibility. This could involve using more subordinate clauses and varied sentence beginnings.
Proofread for Errors: Review the essay for grammatical errors and punctuation mistakes. For instance, ensure proper spacing after commas and periods (e.g., "at roughly 18%,and" should be "at roughly 18%, and").
Clarify Phrasing: Some phrases could be reworded for clarity and precision. For example, "the difference in returns in almost nations witnessed a downward trend" could be revised to "the income disparity in most countries showed a downward trend."
Use More Accurate Vocabulary: Instead of "disparity between ladies and gentlemen," consider using "gender income gap" for a more formal and precise expression.
Expand on Ideas: Provide more detailed explanations or analyses of the trends observed in the data to enhance the depth of the essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided chart gives information about the proportion of revenue disparity between two genders over a 50-year period. Overall, it is evident that men and women in Japan exhibited the largest income gap among the five countries. In addition, the difference in earnings in almost all nations experienced a downward trend during the specified period.

At the beginning of the period, the proportion of disparity between women and men based on income was highest, at around 48%. The figures for the US and UK were lower, at approximately 33% and just under 30%, respectively. Australia, however, accounted for the lowest percentage, at roughly 18%, which was about 1% lower than that of France.

The period from 1978 to 2008 saw a significant decline in the proportion of the difference between the two genders in terms of income in Japan, dropping to nearly 41%. Meanwhile, the United States and the UK followed a similar pattern, with their figures rapidly decreasing to somewhere in the vicinity of 37%. At the same time, there was also a steady drop in the disparity in France to nearly 18%. By contrast, from 1998 to 2008, the data on the difference in income in Australia suddenly climbed, reaching approximately 24% in the final year.