The chart below shows the percentage of people who use the Internet at home.

The chart presents how many people are using the Internet at home in five particular countries.
Overall, the number of people using broadband in the USA and Japan outnumbers dial up, while the opposite pattern could be seen in UK and India and that of Australia is comparatively equal. Additionally, the USA is the country with the most broadband users, but the UK surpasses all the countries in the dial up sector.
In terms of the percentage of people using broadband, the USA emerges as the most broadband-used country, with approximately 70%, being 5% higher than that of Japan. Substantially fewer is Australia, reaching 40%, which is four times and 5% higher than the broadband users in India and UK respectively.
Regarding the remaining factors, the percentage of people in the UK using the Internet at home via dial up is the largest compared to other countries, which was three times higher than that of USA and India. This trend is also evident in Australia but less pronounced, which is 20% lower than the UK. Finally, Internet users in Japan do not welcome dial up options like other countries, ending up at only 15%.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"how many people are using the Internet at home" -> "the number of individuals utilizing the Internet at home"
Explanation: "How many people" is informal and vague; "the number of individuals" is more precise and formal. "Utilizing" is a more academic choice than "using."
"outnumbers dial up" -> "exceeds that of dial-up"
Explanation: "Outnumbers" is informal; "exceeds" is more precise and fits the academic tone. "That of dial-up" clarifies the comparison being made.
"the opposite pattern could be seen" -> "a contrasting pattern is observed"
Explanation: "Could be seen" is vague and passive; "is observed" is more direct and assertive, enhancing clarity.
"comparatively equal" -> "relatively equal"
Explanation: "Comparatively" implies a comparison that is unnecessary here; "relatively" is more appropriate for indicating similarity without suggesting a comparison.
"the most broadband users" -> "the highest number of broadband users"
Explanation: "Most" is informal; "highest number" is more precise and formal, aligning with academic standards.
"surpasses all the countries in the dial up sector" -> "surpasses all other countries in the dial-up sector"
Explanation: "All the countries" is vague; "all other countries" provides clarity and specificity.
"the percentage of people using broadband" -> "the proportion of individuals utilizing broadband"
Explanation: "Percentage" is less formal; "proportion" is more precise in an academic context. "Individuals utilizing" maintains the formal tone.
"Substantially fewer is Australia" -> "Australia has significantly fewer users"
Explanation: "Substantially fewer is" is awkward; "Australia has significantly fewer users" is clearer and more grammatically correct.
"which is four times and 5% higher than the broadband users in India and UK respectively" -> "which is four times and 5% greater than the number of broadband users in India and the UK, respectively"
Explanation: "Higher" is less precise than "greater" in this context. Adding "the number of" clarifies what is being compared.
"the largest compared to other countries" -> "the largest in comparison to other countries"
Explanation: "Compared to" is informal; "in comparison to" is more formal and appropriate for academic writing.
"which was three times higher than that of USA and India" -> "which was three times greater than that of the USA and India"
Explanation: "Higher" is less precise; "greater" is more appropriate when discussing numerical comparisons.
"less pronounced, which is 20% lower than the UK" -> "less pronounced, being 20% lower than that of the UK"
Explanation: "Which is" is vague; "being" provides clarity and connects the comparison more directly.
"do not welcome dial up options like other countries" -> "are less receptive to dial-up options compared to other countries"
Explanation: "Do not welcome" is informal; "are less receptive to" is more precise and formal. "Compared to" is clearer than "like."
"ending up at only 15%" -> "resulting in only 15%"
Explanation: "Ending up at" is informal and vague; "resulting in" is more precise and maintains a formal tone.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay addresses the requirements of the task and presents an overview with information appropriately selected. The essay presents and adequately highlights key features/bullet points, but some details are irrelevant, inappropriate, or inaccurate. For example, the essay states that the percentage of people in the UK using the Internet at home via dial up is three times higher than that of the USA and India. However, the chart shows that the percentage of people in the UK using dial up is only slightly higher than that of the USA and India.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more accurate and relevant details. The writer should also avoid making subjective statements, such as "Internet users in Japan do not welcome dial up options like other countries." Instead, the writer should focus on presenting the data objectively.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay arranges information and ideas coherently, presenting a clear overall progression. However, while cohesive devices are used effectively, there are instances where cohesion within and between sentences is somewhat mechanical or unclear. For example, phrases like "the opposite pattern could be seen" and "this trend is also evident" could be better clarified to enhance understanding. The paragraphing is present but not always logically structured, as the flow between ideas could be improved for smoother transitions.

How to improve: To elevate the score, the writer should focus on enhancing the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs. This can be achieved by using a wider range of cohesive devices and ensuring that each paragraph clearly builds on the previous one. Additionally, providing clearer references and avoiding repetitive phrases will help improve coherence. Lastly, ensuring that each paragraph has a distinct central topic will strengthen the overall organization of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary appropriate for the task. It attempts to use some less common vocabulary, such as "outnumbers," "surpasses," and "substantially," but there are instances of inaccuracy and awkward phrasing, such as "the most broadband-used country." There are also some errors in word formation and collocation, such as "the percentage of people in the UK using the Internet at home via dial up is the largest compared to other countries," which could be more clearly expressed. While these errors do not impede overall communication, they do detract from the sophistication expected at higher band levels.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should aim to use a wider range of vocabulary with more precision and accuracy. This includes avoiding awkward phrasing and ensuring that less common lexical items are used correctly. Additionally, focusing on spelling and word formation will help reduce errors and improve clarity. Expanding vocabulary through reading and practice can also aid in achieving a more sophisticated and varied lexical range.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of a Band 6. While there are some attempts at using more complex structures, the overall control of grammar and punctuation is inconsistent. There are noticeable errors, such as awkward phrasing ("the most broadband-used country") and issues with subject-verb agreement ("the percentage of people in the UK using the Internet at home via dial up is the largest compared to other countries"), which can lead to some confusion for the reader. However, these errors do not significantly impede communication.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on enhancing grammatical accuracy and the variety of sentence structures. This can be done by practicing complex sentence constructions and ensuring that subject-verb agreements are correct. Additionally, proofreading for clarity and coherence would help eliminate awkward phrases and improve overall readability.

Bài sửa mẫu

The chart presents the percentage of people using the Internet at home in five specific countries. Overall, the number of individuals using broadband in the USA and Japan exceeds that of dial-up users, while the opposite trend is observed in the UK and India; Australia shows a relatively equal distribution. Additionally, the USA has the highest number of broadband users, whereas the UK surpasses all other countries in the dial-up sector.

In terms of the percentage of people using broadband, the USA stands out as the leading country, with approximately 70%, which is 5% higher than that of Japan. Australia follows at a significantly lower rate of 40%, which is four times and 5% higher than the broadband usage in India and the UK, respectively.

Regarding the remaining factors, the percentage of people in the UK using the Internet at home via dial-up is the largest compared to other countries, being three times higher than that of the USA and India. This trend is also evident in Australia, though to a lesser extent, as it is 20% lower than that of the UK. Finally, Internet users in Japan show a marked preference against dial-up options, with only 15% opting for this service.