The chart below shows the places visited by different people living in Canada. Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.

The chart below shows the places visited by different people living in Canada.

Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.

The bar graph illustrates the proportion of four places visited by three different groups of people in Canada.
Overall, it is clear that who are either from English-speaking countries or born in Canada prefer going cinema while migrants in other countries tend to visit the library and the least favourite place is the theatre
Regarding cinema, the highest number of visitors are those who are born in Canada is 70% followed by new migrants from English-speaking countries which is slightly lower around 65%, and the lowest quantity of new migrants born in other countries is 50%. Furthermore, 50% of people born in countries that speaks english and 42% of people born in Canada also often visits zoo, while theatre is not the top choice for all kind of people that lives in Canada with 25% of resident born in english-speaking countries.
On the other hand, library started New migrants born in other countries is the bigest at about 55 per cent. followed by New migrants born in English-speaking countries at the point 40 per cent.The last is people born in Canada at 35%.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"who are either from English-speaking countries or born in Canada" -> "individuals either from English-speaking countries or born in Canada"
Explanation: Using "individuals" instead of "who" improves the formality and specificity of the phrase, aligning better with academic style.
"prefer going cinema" -> "prefer going to the cinema"
Explanation: Adding "to the" before "cinema" corrects the grammatical structure and enhances the formal tone of the sentence.
"migrants in other countries tend to visit the library and the least favourite place is the theatre" -> "migrants from other countries tend to visit the library, while the theatre is their least favored destination"
Explanation: Replacing "tend to visit" with "tend to visit" and "least favourite place" with "least favored destination" improves the sentence structure and uses more precise vocabulary suitable for an academic context.
"the highest number of visitors are those who are born in Canada is 70%" -> "the highest proportion of visitors is among those born in Canada, at 70%"
Explanation: Changing "the highest number of visitors are those who are born in Canada is" to "the highest proportion of visitors is among those born in Canada, at 70%" corrects grammatical errors and clarifies the meaning, enhancing readability and formality.
"new migrants from English-speaking countries which is slightly lower around 65%" -> "new migrants from English-speaking countries, which is slightly lower at 65%"
Explanation: Adding a comma after "countries" improves the sentence structure, and replacing "around" with "at" corrects the preposition usage for clarity and precision.
"the lowest quantity of new migrants born in other countries is 50%" -> "the lowest proportion of new migrants born in other countries is 50%"
Explanation: Replacing "quantity" with "proportion" is more accurate in this context, as it refers to a percentage of a group rather than a physical quantity.
"50% of people born in countries that speaks english and 42% of people born in Canada also often visits zoo" -> "50% of individuals born in English-speaking countries and 42% of those born in Canada also frequently visit the zoo"
Explanation: Correcting "speaks english" to "English-speaking countries" and "often visits zoo" to "frequently visit the zoo" addresses grammatical errors and enhances formality and clarity.
"theatre is not the top choice for all kind of people that lives in Canada" -> "the theatre is not the top choice for all kinds of people residing in Canada"
Explanation: Changing "all kind of people" to "all kinds of people" corrects the grammatical error, and replacing "lives" with "residing" improves the formality and precision of the phrase.
"library started New migrants born in other countries is the bigest at about 55 per cent" -> "the library is the most popular destination for new migrants from other countries, at approximately 55%"
Explanation: Correcting "started" to "is" and "bigest" to "most popular" fixes grammatical errors and enhances clarity and formality. Replacing "at about" with "at approximately" also improves the precision of the measurement.
"New migrants born in English-speaking countries at the point 40 per cent" -> "new migrants from English-speaking countries at approximately 40%"
Explanation: Replacing "at the point" with "at approximately" corrects the phrase and aligns with the academic style by avoiding colloquial expressions.
"The last is people born in Canada at 35%" -> "Finally, individuals born in Canada account for 35%"
Explanation: Replacing "The last is" with "Finally" and "people" with "individuals" refines the sentence structure and vocabulary, making it more suitable for an academic context.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5

Explanation: The essay attempts to address the task, but it does not cover all key features/bullet points. The format is inappropriate in places. The essay recounts detail mechanically with no clear overview. There is no data to support the description. The essay presents, but inadequately covers, key features/bullet points. There is a tendency to focus on details.

How to improve: The essay needs to provide a clear overview of the main features of the chart. It should also present and highlight key features/bullet points more fully. The essay should avoid focusing on details and instead focus on the overall trends. The essay should also use more accurate and relevant data to support its description. For example, the essay states that "the highest number of visitors are those who are born in Canada is 70%". However, the chart shows that the highest number of visitors to the cinema are those who are born in Canada, but the percentage is 65%, not 70%. The essay should also use more precise language. For example, instead of saying "the least favourite place is the theatre", the essay could say "the theatre is the least popular place among all three groups".

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates some attempt at organizing information, but it lacks coherence and clear progression. There are several issues with cohesion, including faulty sentence structure and inadequate use of cohesive devices. Paragraphing is inconsistent and confusing, which impacts the overall readability and coherence of the essay. The essay does attempt to address the main features of the chart but struggles with clarity and organization.

How to improve:

Organize ideas logically: Ensure a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing each main point, and a conclusion summarizing the findings.
Improve cohesion: Use cohesive devices (such as linking words and phrases) more effectively to connect ideas within sentences and paragraphs.
Use paragraphs effectively: Clearly separate different ideas into paragraphs to enhance readability and coherence.

This essay would benefit significantly from a clearer structure and improved cohesion to better convey the information and meet the criteria for a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary and lacks clarity in expression, which impacts the coherence of the message. There are numerous errors in word choice, spelling, and word formation throughout the text, making comprehension challenging in places. The attempt to convey information is hindered by frequent inaccuracies and inconsistent use of vocabulary.

How to improve: To improve the lexical resource score:

Expand Vocabulary: Use a wider variety of words to convey ideas more precisely. This includes using synonyms and more specific terms where appropriate.
Work on Accuracy: Pay attention to spelling and word formation. Proofreading and editing for these errors can significantly enhance clarity.
Practice Sentence Structure: Focus on constructing clear and grammatically correct sentences to improve overall coherence and cohesion.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher band score for Lexical Resource on the IELTS Task 2 criteria.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an attempt to use a variety of sentence structures, but there are numerous grammatical errors and issues with punctuation throughout the text. While some structures are attempted, they often lack clarity and coherence, leading to difficulties in understanding the intended meaning. Errors are frequent enough to hinder communication, and punctuation is inconsistent.

How to improve: To improve the grammatical range and accuracy score:

Sentence Structure: Aim for clearer and more varied sentence structures. Ensure each sentence conveys a complete thought.
Grammar and Punctuation: Focus on correcting basic grammatical errors such as subject-verb agreement, verb tense consistency, and article usage. Pay attention to punctuation rules to improve readability.
Clarity and Coherence: Work on organizing ideas more logically and coherently. Ensure each paragraph focuses on a central idea and develops it clearly.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher band score by demonstrating improved grammatical control and clarity in communication.

Bài sửa mẫu

The bar graph depicts the proportion of visits to four different types of places by three distinct groups of individuals in Canada.

Overall, it is evident that individuals from English-speaking countries or those born in Canada predominantly favor going to the cinema, whereas migrants from other countries show a preference for visiting the library, with the theatre being the least popular destination.

In terms of cinema visits, the highest percentage is among individuals born in Canada, at 70%, followed closely by new migrants from English-speaking countries at approximately 65%. The lowest proportion is observed among new migrants from other countries, standing at 50%. Additionally, about 50% of individuals born in English-speaking countries and 42% of those born in Canada also frequently visit the zoo, while the theatre remains unpopular across all groups, with only 25% of residents born in English-speaking countries opting for it.

On the other hand, the library is most frequented by new migrants born in other countries, accounting for about 55%, followed by new migrants born in English-speaking countries at around 40%. The lowest visitation rate, approximately 35%, is seen among individuals born in Canada.