The chart below shows the results of a survey about people’s coffee and tea buying and drinking habits in five Australian cities. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the results of a survey about people’s coffee and tea buying and drinking habits in five Australian cities.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The given chart illustrates insights into the purchasing habits of urban citizens about two famous beverages that are coffee and tea over the last 4 weeks. Overall, the data indicate that all city dwellers tended to go to the café for coffee or tea the most which had the highest ratio except for Adelaide where people bought instant coffee more than went to the coffee shop.
It is clear that Sydney, Mellbourne, Brisbane, are the cities where the percentages of people who went to café to using coffee or tea were the most highest/ most significant, constituting approximately over 50% in all mentioned cities . In contrast, Adelaide ranked second in this aspect, with under 50% of residents choosing to visit café shops for their coffee or tea.
Besides, instant coffee emerged as the preferred choice in 5 places. The graph exhibits/displays that the distance between instant coffee and fresh coffee was so significant/considerable. For instance, Brisbane and Adelaide and Hobart were the cities where the proportion of instant coffee went beyond/ exceeded that of fresh coffee, which was always over 15% for each city. However, in Sydney and Melbourne, that distance between two buying habits was much closer . the figures for Both cities always hovered around 45%.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"insights into the purchasing habits" -> "insights regarding purchasing habits"
Explanation: The phrase "about two famous beverages that are coffee and tea" is awkwardly constructed. "Regarding" is more precise and formal than "about," and removing "that are" streamlines the sentence.
"the data indicate that all city dwellers tended to go to the café for coffee or tea the most which had the highest ratio" -> "the data indicate that urban residents predominantly frequented cafés for coffee or tea, which had the highest proportions"
Explanation: "Urban residents" is a more formal term than "city dwellers." "Predominantly frequented" is more precise than "tended to go," and "highest proportions" is clearer than "highest ratio."
"except for Adelaide where people bought instant coffee more than went to the coffee shop" -> "except in Adelaide, where residents purchased instant coffee more frequently than they visited cafés"
Explanation: "Except in" is more grammatically correct than "except for." "Residents" is more formal than "people," and "purchased" is a more precise term than "bought." "More frequently than they visited cafés" improves clarity and formality.
"the percentages of people who went to café to using coffee or tea were the most highest/ most significant" -> "the percentages of individuals who visited cafés for coffee or tea were the highest"
Explanation: "Individuals" is more formal than "people," and "visited cafés for" is clearer than "went to café to using." The phrase "the most highest/ most significant" is redundant; "the highest" suffices.
"with under 50% of residents choosing to visit café shops for their coffee or tea" -> "with less than 50% of residents opting to visit cafés for coffee or tea"
Explanation: "Less than" is more precise than "under," and "opting" is a more formal choice than "choosing." "Cafés" is the correct spelling and is more concise than "café shops."
"instant coffee emerged as the preferred choice in 5 places" -> "instant coffee emerged as the preferred choice in five locations"
Explanation: The numeral "5" should be written out as "five" in formal writing, and "locations" is a more formal term than "places."
"the graph exhibits/displays that the distance between instant coffee and fresh coffee was so significant/considerable" -> "the graph illustrates a significant disparity between instant coffee and fresh coffee"
Explanation: "Illustrates" is more appropriate in an academic context than "exhibits/displays." "Significant disparity" is more precise and formal than "so significant/considerable."
"the proportion of instant coffee went beyond/ exceeded that of fresh coffee" -> "the proportion of instant coffee exceeded that of fresh coffee"
Explanation: "Exceeded" alone is sufficient and more concise than "went beyond/exceeded."
"which was always over 15% for each city" -> "which consistently surpassed 15% in each city"
Explanation: "Consistently surpassed" is more formal and precise than "was always over."
"that distance between two buying habits was much closer" -> "the disparity between the two purchasing habits was narrower"
Explanation: "Disparity" is a more formal term than "distance," and "narrower" is a more precise descriptor than "much closer."
"the figures for Both cities always hovered around 45%" -> "the figures for both cities consistently hovered around 45%"
Explanation: "Both" should not be capitalized, and "consistently" adds clarity and formality to the statement.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the main features of the chart, but the information is not always presented accurately. For example, the essay states that "the percentages of people who went to café to using coffee or tea were the most highest/ most significant, constituting approximately over 50% in all mentioned cities". This is not entirely accurate, as the percentage of people who went to a café for coffee or tea in Adelaide was under 50%. The essay also makes some irrelevant comparisons, such as stating that "the distance between instant coffee and fresh coffee was so significant/considerable". This comparison is not relevant to the task, which is to summarise the main features of the chart.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more accurate information and by focusing on the main features of the chart. The essay could also be improved by using more precise language and by avoiding unnecessary repetition. For example, the essay could state that "the percentage of people who went to a café for coffee or tea was highest in Sydney, Melbourne, and Brisbane, at over 50%". This would be a more accurate and concise way of presenting the information.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay presents information in a coherent manner, with a clear overall progression from discussing general trends to specific details about coffee and tea purchasing habits in different cities. However, while the organization is generally logical, there are instances of awkward phrasing and grammatical errors that disrupt the flow of ideas. The use of cohesive devices is evident but at times feels mechanical or repetitive, particularly in the way comparisons are made. Paragraphing is present but could be improved for clarity and logical separation of ideas.

How to improve: To enhance the coherence and cohesion of the essay, the writer should focus on using a wider variety of cohesive devices to connect ideas more fluidly. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that transitions between ideas are smooth will help improve the overall structure. Proofreading for grammatical accuracy and clarity of expression will also contribute to a more polished and coherent response.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary suitable for the task, with attempts to use less common lexical items such as "purchasing habits," "urban citizens," and "preferred choice." However, there are several inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, such as "the percentages of people who went to café to using coffee or tea were the most highest" and "the distance between instant coffee and fresh coffee was so significant." Additionally, there are errors in spelling and word formation, such as "Mellbourne" instead of "Melbourne" and "café to using" instead of "café to use." These errors do not completely impede communication but do detract from the overall clarity and precision of the essay.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should focus on using a wider range of vocabulary accurately and appropriately. This includes avoiding repetitive phrases and ensuring correct collocations. Additionally, proofreading for spelling and grammatical errors would help improve clarity. Incorporating more sophisticated vocabulary and varied sentence structures could also elevate the overall quality of the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of a Band 6. While there are some attempts at using complex structures, they are not always accurate, and the essay contains several grammatical errors and awkward phrasing that can hinder clarity. For example, phrases like "the percentages of people who went to café to using coffee or tea were the most highest" and "the distance between instant coffee and fresh coffee was so significant" reflect issues with word choice and sentence construction. Additionally, there are punctuation errors, such as the lack of a comma before "and" in lists, which detracts from the overall accuracy.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on improving grammatical accuracy by revising sentence structures for clarity and correctness. This includes ensuring that complex sentences are used appropriately and that subject-verb agreement is maintained. Additionally, reducing the frequency of errors and awkward phrases will enhance the overall readability of the essay. Practicing with varied sentence structures and seeking feedback on grammar can also help in achieving a more polished and error-free writing style.

Bài sửa mẫu

The given chart illustrates insights into the purchasing habits of urban citizens regarding two popular beverages, coffee and tea, over the last four weeks. Overall, the data indicate that all city dwellers tended to visit cafés for coffee or tea the most, which had the highest ratio, except for Adelaide, where people bought instant coffee more frequently than they visited coffee shops.

It is clear that Sydney, Melbourne, and Brisbane are the cities where the percentages of people who went to cafés for coffee or tea were the highest, constituting approximately over 50% in all mentioned cities. In contrast, Adelaide ranked second in this aspect, with under 50% of residents choosing to visit cafés for their coffee or tea.

Additionally, instant coffee emerged as the preferred choice in all five locations. The graph displays that the gap between instant coffee and fresh coffee was considerable. For instance, Brisbane, Adelaide, and Hobart were the cities where the proportion of instant coffee exceeded that of fresh coffee, consistently surpassing 15% in each city. However, in Sydney and Melbourne, the difference between the two purchasing habits was much closer, with figures for both cities hovering around 45%.