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The chart below shows the results of three surveys on absenteeism in a particular European country in the years 2000, 2005 and 2010. The results show the reasons people gave for not going to work. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the results of three surveys on absenteeism in a particular European country in the years 2000, 2005 and 2010. The results show the reasons people gave for not going to work.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar graph illustrates the proportions of absenteeism in an European nation according to various rationales for their absence from work in three different years.

Overall, there existed substantial numbers of workers not attending at work due to illness and such numbers seemed to experience gradual declines over time, whereas more and more employees were off because of their personal needs. Meanwhile, the number of people with family responsibilities seemed to be remain unchanged.

According to the survey conducted in 2000, there were approximately 45 people off from work because of their sickness and this was deemed to be the most common reason during 2000. Nevertheless, the figure saw a decline after 10 years with a considerable drop of around 10 while people with personal needs, namely appointments, increased over the allotted time, from just below 15 to about 23.

On the other hand, workers’ absence concerning family issues experienced a relative maintenance of around 25. In the interim, there appeared significant fluctuations in the proportions of people who did not commute to work due to stress and unexpected problems such as transport or weather, from above 5 to above 10 and from below 10 to below 15 respectively.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "an European" -> "a European"
    Explanation: The indefinite article "an" is used before words that start with a vowel sound, while "a" is used before words that begin with a consonant sound. Since "European" starts with a consonant sound (pronounced as ‘yoo-ro-pee-an’), it should be preceded by "a" instead of "an."

  2. "rationales" -> "reasons"
    Explanation: While "rationales" refers to fundamental reasons or justifications, using "reasons" provides a more straightforward and commonly used term, making the sentence clearer and more accessible.

  3. "there existed substantial numbers of workers" -> "there were significant numbers of workers"
    Explanation: The phrase "there existed" can be simplified to "there were" without altering the meaning. Additionally, replacing "substantial" with "significant" maintains the emphasis on the considerable quantity of workers.

  4. "seemed to experience gradual declines" -> "showed gradual declines"
    Explanation: Replacing "seemed to experience" with "showed" creates a more direct and assertive statement, enhancing the clarity and conciseness of the sentence.

  5. "more and more employees were off because of their personal needs" -> "an increasing number of employees were absent due to personal reasons"
    Explanation: The phrase "more and more" can be replaced with "an increasing number of," which is more formal and precise. Also, "absent" is a stronger synonym for "off" in this context, and "personal reasons" provides a clearer description of the cause.

  6. "seemed to be remain unchanged" -> "appeared to remain unchanged"
    Explanation: Changing "seemed to be remain unchanged" to "appeared to remain unchanged" maintains the intended meaning while improving the sentence’s structure and readability.

  7. "survey conducted in 2000" -> "survey conducted in the year 2000"
    Explanation: Adding "the year" before "2000" provides a more specific reference, enhancing the clarity and precision of the sentence.

  8. "approximately 45 people off from work" -> "approximately 45 individuals absent from work"
    Explanation: Using "individuals absent from work" provides a clearer and more formal description than "people off from work," improving the sentence’s tone and precision.

  9. "this was deemed to be the most common reason during 2000" -> "this was considered the predominant reason in 2000"
    Explanation: Replacing "deemed to be" with "considered" and rephrasing the sentence enhances clarity and uses more precise language to describe the prevalence of the reason for absence.

  10. "considerable drop of around 10 while people with personal needs" -> "a significant decrease of approximately 10, whereas individuals with personal requirements"
    Explanation: Using "significant decrease" instead of "considerable drop" and rephrasing the latter part of the sentence to "whereas individuals with personal requirements" maintains clarity and precision in the description of the change.

  11. "people who did not commute to work due to stress" -> "individuals who were absent from work due to stress"
    Explanation: Replacing "people who did not commute to work" with "individuals who were absent from work" provides a clearer and more formal description of the situation.

  12. "there appeared significant fluctuations" -> "significant fluctuations appeared"
    Explanation: Reordering the sentence structure enhances readability and clarity, making it more direct and active.

By making these adjustments, the essay becomes more precise, clear, and maintains a formal tone, using more appropriate and advanced vocabulary where necessary.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0
Explanation:
The essay adequately addresses the requirements of the task, providing a clear overview of the main trends in absenteeism over the three surveyed years. The key features and bullet points are presented and highlighted, demonstrating an understanding of the data. However, the extension of these key features could be more thorough, particularly in the analysis of the reasons for absenteeism.

How to improve:
To enhance the essay and potentially move to a higher band score, consider providing more detailed and nuanced analysis of the data. Expand on the reasons for absenteeism, exploring the potential causes behind the observed trends. Additionally, ensure that the language used is consistently precise and clear throughout the essay, avoiding any ambiguity in conveying information.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a logical organization of information, ensuring a clear progression throughout. The introduction provides an overview of the chart, and subsequent paragraphs focus on different aspects of absenteeism over the three surveyed years. The use of transitional phrases contributes to the overall coherence. The essay effectively employs cohesive devices, such as referencing time periods and comparing numerical data, contributing to the clarity of the message. Paragraphing is generally appropriate, with each paragraph centered on a specific aspect of the survey results.

How to improve:
To further enhance coherence and cohesion, consider refining the use of cohesive devices to create smoother transitions between sentences and paragraphs. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph maintains a clear central theme related to the overall topic of absenteeism, minimizing any potential confusion. Check for grammatical accuracy and precision in expression to elevate the overall quality of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
This essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, allowing for some flexibility and precision in conveying information. The candidate employs a mix of common and less common lexical items, showcasing an attempt at using varied vocabulary. The essay effectively summarizes the data, noting trends and comparisons between the three survey years. There is an effort to express ideas with some sophistication, particularly in the usage of phrases like "gradual declines," "considerable drop," "significant fluctuations," and "unexpected problems." Despite occasional inaccuracies and minor errors in word choice and collocation, the overall lexical resource is strong and contributes to the essay’s coherence.

How to improve:
To enhance lexical resource towards a higher band score, focus on refining the accuracy and precision of word choice and collocation. Aim for more consistent and nuanced use of less common vocabulary items. Additionally, pay attention to minor errors and strive for more natural and sophisticated language control to minimize these slips. Consider expanding the range of vocabulary even further while ensuring accurate usage within the context.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a good command of grammatical structures, utilizing a variety of complex sentence forms. The writer produces frequent error-free sentences and generally maintains control over grammar and punctuation. The use of vocabulary is appropriate for the task, contributing to overall clarity. However, there are a few errors present, such as minor grammatical inaccuracies and awkward phrasing. These errors, though noticeable, do not significantly impede communication.

How to improve:
To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should pay closer attention to sentence structure and grammar. Careful proofreading can help identify and rectify minor errors, ensuring smoother transitions between ideas. Additionally, varying sentence structures even more could add complexity and sophistication to the writing. Furthermore, precision in word choice can contribute to greater clarity and refinement in expression.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided bar graph delineates the percentages of absenteeism in a European nation over the years 2000, 2005, and 2010, categorized by the reasons individuals cited for their nonattendance at work.

In general, there was a notable prevalence of employees missing work due to illness, and this trend exhibited a gradual decline over the observed period. Conversely, an increasing number of workers opted to stay away for personal reasons. The incidence of absenteeism due to family responsibilities, however, remained relatively constant.

Examining the survey results from 2000, approximately 45 individuals reported sickness as their primary reason for not attending work, making it the most prevalent cause during that year. Nevertheless, over the following decade, this figure witnessed a substantial decrease of about 10 individuals. In contrast, absenteeism related to personal needs, such as appointments, displayed a noteworthy rise from just under 15 to approximately 23 over the same timeframe.

On a different note, the absenteeism rate linked to family issues remained relatively stable at around 25 during the entire period. Meanwhile, there were significant fluctuations in the proportions of individuals who refrained from commuting to work due to stress and unforeseen issues like transportation or weather. The percentage increased from slightly above 5 to just above 10 for stress-related absenteeism, and from below 10 to just below 15 for issues related to transport or weather.

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