the chart below shows the total number of minutes of telephone calls in the UK,divided into three categories,from 1995-2002

The line graph gives information about the time of minutes people spend for social calls in the UK with three different categories from 1995 to 2002.

On the whole,Local-fixed line is the kind of telephone call persons who use the most.Meanwhile,the group select to use national and international with the stable proportion from each year.On the contrary,mobiles are not common at this period.

Firstly,local-fixed witness the fluctuated up and down between 1995 and 2002,this type was achieved 90% of the time in 1999 after standed at approximately 70% in 1995.However,it was obtained slightly declined from 90% to almost 72% amount of time occupants in UK used to call in 2002.

In contrast,two remain kinds of telephone calls witness the steady increased proportion during the period from 1995 to 2002.National and international was the type people chose to used the most after local-fixed,achieved roughly 37% from 1995 and was increased sharply to 60% of minute citizens used in 2002.Similarly,mobiles was achieved about 4% in 1995 before dramatically rose to almost 43% in 2002.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"people spend for social calls" -> "people spend on social calls"
Explanation: The preposition "for" is incorrectly used here. "On" is the correct preposition to use when referring to the purpose or activity being discussed, which is "social calls."
"the kind of telephone call" -> "the type of telephone call"
Explanation: "Kind" is less specific and less formal than "type" in this context, which refers to a classification or category.
"persons who use the most" -> "those who use it most"
Explanation: "Persons" is somewhat archaic and less common in modern academic writing; "those" is more direct and appropriate. Also, "it" is more precise than "the kind" in referring to the telephone calls.
"select to use national and international" -> "prefer to use national and international"
Explanation: "Select" is not the correct verb in this context, as it implies a choice based on quality or suitability rather than preference. "Prefer" accurately conveys the intended meaning of preference.
"the stable proportion" -> "a consistent proportion"
Explanation: "A consistent proportion" is a more precise and academically appropriate term, emphasizing the steady pattern over time.
"mobiles are not common at this period" -> "mobile phones were not prevalent during this period"
Explanation: "Mobiles" is an informal term; "mobile phones" is the correct and more formal term. "Not common" is vague; "not prevalent" is more specific and formal.
"Local-fixed witness the fluctuated up and down" -> "Local-fixed calls exhibited fluctuations"
Explanation: "Witness" is incorrectly used; "exhibited" is the correct verb for describing the behavior of data over time. "Fluctuated up and down" is informal and imprecise; "fluctuations" is the correct term.
"achieved 90% of the time" -> "accounted for 90% of the time"
Explanation: "Achieved" is not the correct verb in this context, as it implies accomplishment rather than proportion. "Accounted for" is the correct verb for describing the proportion of data.
"stood at approximately" -> "remained at approximately"
Explanation: "Stood at" is less formal and less precise; "remained at" is more appropriate for describing a continued state over time.
"slightly declined" -> "slightly decreased"
Explanation: "Declined" can imply a more significant or gradual decrease; "decreased" is more precise and neutral.
"amount of time occupants in UK used to call" -> "amount of time spent on calls by UK residents"
Explanation: "Occupants" is incorrect and informal; "residents" is the correct term. "Used to call" is awkward and unclear; "spent on calls" is more direct and clear.
"two remain kinds of telephone calls" -> "two remaining types of telephone calls"
Explanation: "Remain kinds" is grammatically incorrect; "remaining types" is grammatically correct and more formal.
"was the type people chose to used the most" -> "was the type most frequently used"
Explanation: "Chose to used" is grammatically incorrect and awkward; "most frequently used" is grammatically correct and more formal.
"achieved about 4%" -> "accounted for approximately 4%"
Explanation: "Achieved" is incorrectly used; "accounted for" is the correct verb for describing the proportion of data.
"dramatically rose" -> "dramatically increased"
Explanation: "Rose" is less formal and can imply a more gradual change; "increased" is more neutral and suitable for academic writing.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5

Explanation: The essay provides a general overview of the information presented in the chart, but it does not fully address all the requirements of the task. The essay does not present a clear overview of the main trends, differences, or stages in the data. It also does not adequately highlight the key features of the chart. For example, the essay states that "local-fixed witness the fluctuated up and down between 1995 and 2002," but it does not provide any specific details about the fluctuations.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a more detailed overview of the main trends in the data. The essay could also be improved by highlighting the key features of the chart more clearly. For example, the essay could state that the number of minutes spent on local-fixed calls decreased from 1995 to 2002, while the number of minutes spent on national and international calls increased. The essay could also provide specific details about the fluctuations in the data, such as the fact that the number of minutes spent on local-fixed calls peaked in 1999.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, but there is a noticeable lack of overall progression. While it attempts to categorize the data into local-fixed, national and international, and mobile calls, the transitions between ideas are not smooth, leading to confusion. The use of cohesive devices is inadequate and at times inaccurate, which affects the clarity of the relationships between ideas. Additionally, the paragraphing is inconsistent, with some sentences lacking clear connections to the main topic of each paragraph.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on creating clearer topic sentences for each paragraph that directly relate to the data being discussed. Using a wider range of cohesive devices appropriately will help to link ideas more effectively. Additionally, ensuring logical progression between sentences and paragraphs will improve the overall flow of the essay. Finally, revising for grammatical accuracy and clarity will strengthen the presentation of information.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While it attempts to use some less common vocabulary (e.g., "fluctuated," "achieved"), the overall word choice is often inappropriate or inaccurate, leading to confusion in meaning. There are noticeable errors in spelling and word formation, such as "standed" instead of "stood" and "witness" instead of "witnessed," which may cause some difficulty for the reader. The essay lacks the flexibility and precision required for a higher band score.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should focus on expanding their vocabulary and using more precise word choices. Practicing the correct forms of words and ensuring proper collocation will also help. Additionally, reducing spelling errors and using a wider range of vocabulary, particularly less common lexical items, will contribute to a more sophisticated and effective essay. Engaging with varied reading materials can aid in developing a richer vocabulary.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, primarily relying on simple sentence forms. While there are attempts at complex sentences, they are often inaccurate, leading to frequent grammatical errors. For example, phrases like "the group select to use" and "witness the fluctuated up and down" indicate issues with subject-verb agreement and word choice. Additionally, punctuation errors, such as missing commas, can cause some difficulty for the reader. Overall, while the essay communicates the main ideas, the grammatical inaccuracies hinder clarity and coherence.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on expanding their range of grammatical structures by incorporating more complex sentences and ensuring accuracy in subject-verb agreement. Practicing punctuation rules and proofreading for common errors would also enhance clarity. Additionally, using varied vocabulary and sentence starters can help improve the overall quality of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

The line graph provides information about the total number of minutes people spent on telephone calls in the UK, categorized into three different types from 1995 to 2002.

Overall, local-fixed calls were the most commonly used type of telephone call during this period. Meanwhile, the proportion of national and international calls remained stable each year. In contrast, mobile calls were not very common at this time.

Firstly, local-fixed calls experienced fluctuations between 1995 and 2002. This type peaked at approximately 90% of the total call time in 1999, after starting at around 70% in 1995. However, there was a slight decline from 90% to nearly 72% in the amount of time UK residents spent on these calls by 2002.

In contrast, the other two types of telephone calls showed a steady increase during the period from 1995 to 2002. National and international calls were the second most popular choice after local-fixed calls, starting at roughly 37% in 1995 and rising sharply to 60% by 2002. Similarly, mobile calls began at about 4% in 1995 before dramatically increasing to almost 43% in 2002.