The chart shows British Emigration to selected destinations between 2004 and 2007. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.
The chart shows British Emigration to selected destinations between 2004 and 2007.
Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
Write at least 150 words.
The provided chart illustrates five separate nations immigrated by British citizens over the 2004-2007 period.
Overall, it is obviously seen that most surveyed nations witnessed a downward trend in the number of emigrants from the UK. In addition, Australia showed a dominance about British immigrants over the surveyed years.
In 2004, there were over 40 thousand people who emigrated from Britain and after that, it saw a minor decline before reaching a peak at half of one hundred thousand people. At the end of the period, this figure dropped by nearly 45 thousand people in 2007. In terms of Spain, it began at approximately 35 thousand people and stayed unchanged in the following surveyed year. Then, it declined constantly to 33 thousand people and 28 thousand people in 2006 and 2007, respectively.
Regarding the three remaining nations, there were under a quarter thousand emigrants in all three nations in 2004. About New Zealand, it saw a constant decrease until 2007. With the USA, there were some fluctuations before reaching a bottom at 20 thousand people in 2007. In terms of France, it saw a gradual increase to over 30 thousand migrants and after that, it declined dramatically by approximately 20 thousand people at the end of the period in 2007
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"immigrated by British citizens" -> "emigrated from British citizens"
Explanation: "Immigrated" refers to entering a country, while "emigrated" refers to leaving one’s country. The context indicates that British citizens are leaving for other nations. -
"it is obviously seen that" -> "it is evident that"
Explanation: "Obviously seen" is informal and vague. "Evident" is a more precise academic term that conveys clarity without emotional language. -
"showed a dominance about British immigrants" -> "exhibited a predominance of British immigrants"
Explanation: "Showed a dominance about" is awkward and informal. "Exhibited a predominance of" is more precise and aligns better with formal academic language. -
"it saw a minor decline before reaching a peak" -> "it experienced a slight decline before reaching a peak"
Explanation: "Saw" is too informal for academic writing. "Experienced" is a more appropriate verb that conveys the same meaning in a formal context. -
"this figure dropped by nearly 45 thousand people" -> "this figure decreased by nearly 45,000 individuals"
Explanation: "Dropped" is informal; "decreased" is more precise. Additionally, using "individuals" instead of "people" enhances formality. -
"it began at approximately 35 thousand people" -> "it commenced at approximately 35,000 individuals"
Explanation: "Began" is less formal than "commenced," and "individuals" is more precise than "people." -
"stayed unchanged in the following surveyed year" -> "remained constant in the subsequent year"
Explanation: "Stayed unchanged" is informal; "remained constant" is more formal and precise. "Subsequent" is a more academic term than "following." -
"declined constantly to 33 thousand people and 28 thousand people" -> "consistently declined to 33,000 individuals and 28,000 individuals"
Explanation: "Declined constantly" is awkward; "consistently declined" is clearer. Again, "individuals" is more formal than "people." -
"there were under a quarter thousand emigrants" -> "there were fewer than 250 emigrants"
Explanation: "Under a quarter thousand" is vague and awkward; "fewer than 250" is clearer and more precise. -
"it saw a constant decrease until 2007" -> "it experienced a continuous decrease until 2007"
Explanation: "Saw" is informal, and "constant" can be replaced with "continuous" for clarity. -
"there were some fluctuations before reaching a bottom" -> "there were fluctuations before reaching a low point"
Explanation: "Some fluctuations" is vague; "fluctuations" alone is sufficient. "Bottom" is informal; "low point" is more precise. -
"it saw a gradual increase to over 30 thousand migrants" -> "it experienced a gradual increase to over 30,000 migrants"
Explanation: "Saw" is informal; "experienced" is more appropriate in academic writing. -
"declined dramatically by approximately 20 thousand people" -> "decreased significantly by approximately 20,000 individuals"
Explanation: "Declined dramatically" is overly emotional; "decreased significantly" is more precise and formal. "Individuals" enhances formality.
Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5
Band Score: 5
Explanation: The essay provides a general overview of the information in the chart, but it does not fully address all the requirements of the task. The essay does not present a clear overview of the main trends, differences, or stages. It also does not adequately highlight the key features of the chart. For example, the essay states that "most surveyed nations witnessed a downward trend in the number of emigrants from the UK," but it does not provide any specific data to support this claim. The essay also focuses on details rather than on the overall trends.
How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clearer overview of the main trends in the chart. The essay could also be improved by highlighting the key features of the chart more effectively. For example, the essay could state that the number of British emigrants to Australia was consistently higher than the number of emigrants to any other country. The essay could also provide more specific data to support its claims. For example, the essay could state that the number of British emigrants to Australia decreased from over 40,000 in 2004 to just over 20,000 in 2007.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6
Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a coherent arrangement of information and ideas, with a clear overall progression. The writer effectively summarizes the main features of the chart and makes comparisons where relevant. However, there are instances of mechanical cohesion, particularly in the use of cohesive devices, which may not always enhance the clarity of the relationships between ideas. For example, phrases like "In terms of" are repeated, which can lead to a lack of variety in expression. Additionally, while paragraphing is present, it is not always logical, as some ideas could be better grouped or separated for clarity.
How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on using a wider range of cohesive devices more effectively, ensuring that they enhance the flow of ideas rather than appearing mechanical. Improving the logical structure of paragraphs by grouping related ideas together and ensuring each paragraph has a clear central topic would also strengthen coherence. Finally, varying the language used for comparisons and transitions can help to avoid repetition and improve overall cohesion.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary appropriate for the task, with some attempts to use less common vocabulary. However, there are noticeable inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, such as "immigrated by British citizens" instead of "emigrated from Britain." Additionally, phrases like "saw a dominance" and "reached a bottom" are awkward and not idiomatic. There are also some errors in spelling and word formation, such as "under a quarter thousand" which is unclear. While these errors do not completely impede communication, they do affect the overall clarity and precision of the essay.
How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should focus on using more precise and idiomatic expressions. They should also aim to reduce errors in word choice and collocation by reviewing vocabulary related to immigration and emigration. Expanding the range of vocabulary and ensuring correct usage will contribute to a more sophisticated and fluent writing style. Additionally, proofreading for spelling and word formation errors can help improve clarity.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6
Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of a Band 6 score. While the writer attempts to use a variety of structures, there are noticeable grammatical errors and issues with punctuation that occasionally hinder clarity. For example, phrases like "it saw a minor decline before reaching a peak at half of one hundred thousand people" could be more clearly articulated. Additionally, the use of "about" and "in terms of" is somewhat repetitive, indicating a limited range of vocabulary and sentence structures. However, despite these errors, the overall meaning is generally conveyed, and the communication is not severely impaired.
How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on enhancing grammatical accuracy and expanding the range of sentence structures used. This could involve practicing more complex sentences and ensuring that punctuation is used correctly. Additionally, reducing redundancy in phrasing and varying vocabulary would improve the overall quality of the essay. Finally, proofreading for minor errors before submission can help eliminate slips that detract from the overall impression of grammatical range and accuracy.
Bài sửa mẫu
The provided chart illustrates the emigration of British citizens to five selected nations between 2004 and 2007.
Overall, it is evident that most of the surveyed nations experienced a downward trend in the number of emigrants from the UK. Additionally, Australia consistently attracted the highest number of British immigrants throughout the surveyed years.
In 2004, over 40,000 people emigrated from Britain, followed by a slight decline before reaching a peak of 50,000 in 2006. By the end of the period in 2007, this figure had dropped by nearly 45,000. In terms of Spain, the number of emigrants began at approximately 35,000 and remained unchanged in the following year. Subsequently, it declined steadily to 33,000 in 2006 and further to 28,000 in 2007.
Regarding the three remaining nations, each had fewer than 25,000 emigrants in 2004. For New Zealand, there was a consistent decrease until 2007. The USA experienced some fluctuations before reaching a low of 20,000 in 2007. In contrast, France saw a gradual increase to over 30,000 migrants before experiencing a dramatic decline of approximately 20,000 by the end of the period in 2007.
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