The chart shows information about the four types of tourist attractions in Britain in 1991.

The given provided pie chart illustrates the proportion of Britain visiting four different compelling places in the year 1991.
Overall, it is clear that going to the museums and galleries was the most common activity. Moreover, Britain visiting wildlife parks and zoos accounted for the lowest rate among four types of tourist attractions.
It can be seen that the figure for tourists who come to museums and galleries stood at 42%, the highest proportion for other places. While theme parks visited accounted for a slight lower at about 35%.
In terms of the least popular places, the Britain visiting Historic Houses & Monuments and Wildlife Parks & Zoos were around 15 and 8%, respectively. In addition, the rate of people coming to the museums and galleries was about 5 times as many as that of going to the wildlife parks and zoos.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The given provided pie chart" -> "The provided pie chart"
Explanation: Removing "the given" corrects the redundancy and streamlines the phrase, aligning it with formal academic writing standards.
"Britain visiting" -> "visitors to Britain"
Explanation: "Visitors to Britain" is more precise and natural in academic writing, as it correctly indicates the subject of the verb "visiting."
"compelling places" -> "tourist attractions"
Explanation: "Tourist attractions" is a more specific and academically appropriate term than "compelling places," which is vague and informal.
"the most common activity" -> "the most popular activity"
Explanation: "Popular" is more precise in this context, as it directly relates to the frequency of visits, which is the intended meaning.
"accounted for the lowest rate" -> "had the lowest proportion"
Explanation: "Had the lowest proportion" is more formal and precise, fitting the academic style better than "accounted for the lowest rate."
"a slight lower" -> "a slightly lower"
Explanation: "A slightly lower" corrects the grammatical error and enhances the formality of the sentence.
"the Britain visiting" -> "visitors to Britain"
Explanation: Again, "visitors to Britain" is more accurate and formal than "the Britain visiting," which is awkward and incorrect.
"the rate of people coming to the museums and galleries" -> "the number of visitors to museums and galleries"
Explanation: "The number of visitors" is more specific and formal than "the rate of people coming," which is vague and informal.
"about 5 times as many as that of going to the wildlife parks and zoos" -> "approximately five times that of visiting wildlife parks and zoos"
Explanation: "Approximately five times that of visiting wildlife parks and zoos" is more precise and formal, replacing the informal "about" and correcting the verb form to "visiting."

These changes enhance the academic tone of the essay by using more precise vocabulary and adhering to formal writing conventions.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the main features of the chart, but the details are not always accurate. For example, the essay states that the figure for tourists who come to museums and galleries stood at 42%, the highest proportion for other places. However, the chart shows that the proportion of tourists visiting museums and galleries is 42%, which is not the highest proportion. The essay also states that the rate of people coming to the museums and galleries was about 5 times as many as that of going to the wildlife parks and zoos. However, the chart shows that the proportion of tourists visiting museums and galleries is about 5 times higher than the proportion of tourists visiting wildlife parks and zoos.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more accurate information about the chart. The essay could also be improved by providing a more detailed analysis of the data. For example, the essay could discuss the reasons why museums and galleries are the most popular tourist attraction in Britain.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay arranges information and ideas coherently, presenting a clear overall progression. However, while cohesive devices are used effectively, there are instances where cohesion between sentences could be improved, leading to some mechanical flow. The paragraphing is present but not always logical, as the ideas within paragraphs could be better structured for clarity.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on improving the logical flow of ideas within paragraphs. Using a wider range of cohesive devices more naturally can also help. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that transitions between ideas are smooth would elevate the overall clarity of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While it conveys the main ideas, the use of terms like "compelling places" and "the figure for tourists" lacks precision and sophistication. There are noticeable errors in word choice, such as "the Britain visiting," which should be "Britain visiting." Additionally, phrases like "the rate of people coming to the museums and galleries was about 5 times as many as that of going to the wildlife parks and zoos" could be expressed more clearly. Spelling and word formation errors are present, which may cause some difficulty for the reader.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource, the writer should aim to incorporate a wider range of vocabulary and use more precise terms. They should also focus on correct grammatical structures and avoid awkward phrasing. Practicing with synonyms and less common expressions can help elevate the overall quality of the writing. Additionally, proofreading for spelling and word formation errors can improve clarity and coherence.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of a Band 6. While there are some attempts at complexity, the grammatical errors present, such as "the given provided pie chart" and "the Britain visiting," indicate a lack of accuracy. Additionally, there are issues with punctuation and sentence structure that occasionally hinder clarity, but they do not significantly reduce communication.

How to improve: To enhance the score, the writer should focus on increasing the accuracy of complex structures and reducing grammatical errors. Practicing more sophisticated sentence forms and ensuring correct subject-verb agreement will help. Additionally, refining punctuation usage and avoiding awkward phrasing will contribute to clearer communication. Regularly reviewing and editing the essay for grammatical precision can also lead to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided pie chart illustrates the proportion of visitors to four different types of tourist attractions in Britain in 1991. Overall, it is clear that visiting museums and galleries was the most common activity. Moreover, visits to wildlife parks and zoos accounted for the lowest percentage among the four types of tourist attractions.

It can be seen that the figure for tourists who visited museums and galleries stood at 42%, the highest proportion compared to the other attractions. In contrast, theme parks accounted for a slightly lower percentage at about 35%.

In terms of the least popular attractions, visits to Historic Houses & Monuments and Wildlife Parks & Zoos were around 15% and 8%, respectively. Additionally, the number of people visiting museums and galleries was approximately five times greater than that of those going to wildlife parks and zoos.