The chart shows requests for information at a tourist office in the United Kingdom from January to June.

The line graph illustrates the number of requests for information by various types, including in person, by letter or email and, by telephone at a tourist office in England between January and June.

Overall, it is evident that there was an increase in the figure for requests which was performed by call and in person, while the remaining form of requests had an opposite trend. Additionally, requesting in person was the least common before becoming a predominant way at a tourist office at the end of the survey period.

As can be seen from the chart, telephone calls were the most common of the three ways to request information during the initial survey period, comprising 900. This number then increased significantly to about 1600 in Jun, with only a small dip of 100 in February. In January, approximately 900 information requests were used by written, which experienced a marginal drop to around 770 before hitting the lowest peak at above 400 in May and remained unchanged until June.

In comparison, in person requests consituted a minor fraction of the total, at only 400 in January. However, this number rose remarkably to roughly 1200, surpassing other queries over 3 months. Afterward, the number of requests in person reached the highest peak at 19900 at the end of the period.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The line graph illustrates" -> "The line graph depicts"
Explanation: "Depicts" is a more precise and formal term than "illustrates" in academic writing, enhancing the accuracy and sophistication of the description.
"by various types" -> "by different methods"
Explanation: "Methods" is more specific and appropriate in this context, referring to the ways of requesting information, compared to the vague "types."
"in person, by letter or email and, by telephone" -> "in person, via letter, and via telephone"
Explanation: Using "via" instead of "by" for electronic communication methods like letter and email is more precise and commonly used in formal academic writing.
"it is evident that" -> "it is clear that"
Explanation: "It is clear that" is a more academically appropriate phrase, conveying a stronger sense of certainty and formality.
"which was performed by call" -> "which was made by telephone"
Explanation: "Made by telephone" is the correct phrase for describing the action of calling, whereas "performed by call" is awkward and incorrect.
"the remaining form of requests" -> "the other forms of requests"
Explanation: "The other forms of requests" is more precise and avoids the awkward construction of "the remaining form."
"requesting in person was the least common" -> "in-person requests were the least common"
Explanation: "In-person requests" is a more formal and precise way to refer to requests made in person, and using the plural "requests" aligns with the context of the graph.
"becoming a predominant way" -> "becoming the predominant method"
Explanation: "Method" is more specific and appropriate in this context than "way," which is too vague and informal for academic writing.
"telephone calls were the most common of the three ways" -> "telephone calls were the most prevalent method"
Explanation: "Prevalent" is a more formal and precise term than "most common," and "method" is more specific than "ways."
"comprising 900" -> "totaling 900"
Explanation: "Totaling" is more appropriate in this context, indicating the cumulative total, whereas "comprising" suggests inclusion or composition, which is less accurate.
"a marginal drop to around 770" -> "a slight decrease to approximately 770"
Explanation: "Slight decrease" is more formal and precise than "marginal drop," and "approximately" is more commonly used in academic writing than "around."
"consituted" -> "constituted"
Explanation: Corrects a spelling error, ensuring the text maintains professional standards.
"a minor fraction of the total" -> "a small proportion of the total"
Explanation: "Proportion" is more precise and formal than "fraction," which is somewhat informal and less specific in this context.
"rose remarkably" -> "increased significantly"
Explanation: "Increased significantly" is a more formal and academically appropriate phrase than "rose remarkably," which is somewhat colloquial.
"surpassing other queries over 3 months" -> "exceeding the other methods for three months"
Explanation: "Exceeding the other methods" is more precise and formal, and "for three months" is clearer than "over 3 months."
"the highest peak at 19900" -> "the highest peak of 19,900"
Explanation: Adding "of" before the number clarifies that it is a measurement, and using a comma after the number is more appropriate for readability and formality.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the main trends in the data, but it does not fully satisfy all the requirements of the task. The essay does not present a clear overview of the main trends, differences or stages. The essay also does not adequately highlight key features/bullet points. For example, the essay states that "telephone calls were the most common of the three ways to request information during the initial survey period," but it does not provide any specific data to support this claim. The essay also states that "in person requests constituted a minor fraction of the total," but it does not provide any specific data to support this claim.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more specific data to support the claims made. The essay could also be improved by presenting a clearer overview of the main trends, differences or stages in the data. For example, the essay could state that "the number of requests by telephone increased significantly over the survey period, while the number of requests by letter/email decreased." The essay could also highlight key features/bullet points more effectively. For example, the essay could state that "the number of requests by telephone increased from 900 in January to 1600 in June."

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay presents information in a coherent manner with a clear overall progression. It attempts to use cohesive devices effectively, but there are instances where cohesion is faulty or mechanical, particularly in the transitions between ideas and the use of linking phrases. While paragraphing is present, it is not always logical, as some ideas could be better grouped together for clarity. The central topics within paragraphs are somewhat clear, but the overall organization could be improved for better flow.

How to improve:

Enhance Cohesion: Use a wider variety of cohesive devices to connect ideas more smoothly. For example, instead of simply stating "As can be seen from the chart," consider using phrases like "In addition to this," or "Furthermore," to create a more seamless transition between points.
Improve Paragraph Structure: Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and that related information is grouped together. For instance, the discussion of telephone requests could be separated from in-person requests to enhance clarity and logical flow.
Clarify Data Presentation: Be more precise in presenting data. For example, instead of saying "the highest peak at 19900," clarify that this is a typographical error and should be "1990" to maintain accuracy and avoid confusion.
Refine Language Use: Pay attention to grammatical accuracy and word choice. Phrases like "requests which was performed by call" should be revised to "requests made by telephone" for better clarity and correctness.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary for the task, with some attempts to use less common lexical items. However, there are inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, such as "requests which was performed by call" instead of "requests made by phone" and "constituted a minor fraction" which could be more clearly expressed. Additionally, there are noticeable errors in spelling and word formation, such as "Jun" instead of "June" and "19900" which should be "1,900." These errors do not severely impede communication but do detract from the overall clarity and precision of the essay.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should focus on using a wider range of vocabulary with greater precision and accuracy. This includes avoiding awkward phrasing and ensuring correct collocations. Additionally, proofreading for spelling and grammatical errors would help in achieving a more polished piece. Incorporating more sophisticated vocabulary and varying sentence structures can also contribute to a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of a Band 6. While there are some effective uses of complex structures, the essay contains several grammatical errors and awkward phrasing that occasionally hinder clarity. For example, phrases like "requests which was performed by call" and "requests in person reached the highest peak at 19900" show issues with subject-verb agreement and numerical accuracy, respectively. Additionally, there are punctuation errors, such as the inconsistent use of commas, which detracts from the overall fluency of the writing.

How to improve:

Enhance Sentence Variety: Incorporate a wider range of complex sentence structures to demonstrate greater grammatical flexibility. This can be achieved by using subordinate clauses more effectively.
Proofread for Errors: Carefully review the essay for grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. Focus on subject-verb agreement and ensure that numerical data is presented accurately.
Improve Punctuation: Pay attention to punctuation rules, particularly with commas, to enhance clarity and flow.
Clarify Ideas: Ensure that all ideas are clearly expressed and that the relationships between them are logically structured to avoid confusion for the reader.

Bài sửa mẫu

The line graph illustrates the number of requests for information by various types, including in person, by letter or email, and by telephone, at a tourist office in England between January and June.

Overall, it is evident that there was an increase in the number of requests made by telephone and in person, while the remaining form of requests exhibited an opposite trend. Additionally, requests made in person were the least common initially but became the predominant method at the tourist office by the end of the survey period.

As can be seen from the chart, telephone calls were the most common of the three methods to request information during the initial survey period, comprising 900 requests. This number then increased significantly to about 1,600 in June, with only a small dip of 100 in February. In January, approximately 900 requests were made in writing, which experienced a marginal drop to around 770 before hitting the lowest point at just above 400 in May, remaining unchanged until June.

In comparison, in-person requests constituted a minor fraction of the total, at only 400 in January. However, this number rose remarkably to roughly 1,200, surpassing other queries over three months. Subsequently, the number of in-person requests reached the highest peak at 1,900 by the end of the period.