The chart shows the average hours of car use per day in 2020 for different purposes. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.
The chart shows the average hours of car use per day in 2020 for different purposes.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
Write at least 150 words.
The given diagram illustrates the average houres of using car in 24 hours for variety purposes in 2020. Overall, the quantity of hours in women activities by car was higher in some catagories of household such as shopping, taking children to school leisure acitivities, and men in almost work.
First and foremost, the average hours of females's car usage in shopping stood at 1,5 hours as opposed to only 0,5 hours of male in using car per day. Additional, the sum hours of women duties in taking children to school was the highest at 2 hours while men used car less than 0,5 hours. Similarly with the amount of hours for using car during leisure acitivities in women was just over 0,5 hours and 0,5 hours in men usage.
In contrast, at 1,5 hours, the average hours of travelling to work from male was about three times as much as that of female in using car. Apart from others categories, the general run in hours of recreation activities witnessed an equal amount of time at half of an hour in both genders.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"average houres" -> "average hours"
Explanation: "Houres" is a misspelling of "hours." Correct spelling is essential for clarity and professionalism in academic writing. -
"variety purposes" -> "various purposes"
Explanation: "Variety" implies a selection or range, while "various" accurately describes multiple distinct purposes, enhancing precision. -
"the quantity of hours in women activities by car" -> "the number of hours spent by women on activities involving car usage"
Explanation: "Quantity" is vague; "number" is more specific. The phrase "spent by women on activities involving car usage" clarifies the context and maintains a formal tone. -
"catagories" -> "categories"
Explanation: "Catagories" is a misspelling of "categories." Correct spelling is crucial for maintaining academic integrity. -
"females’s car usage" -> "female car usage"
Explanation: The possessive form "females’s" is incorrect. "Female" as an adjective appropriately describes the car usage without unnecessary possessiveness. -
"1,5 hours" -> "1.5 hours"
Explanation: In academic writing, decimal points should use a period rather than a comma for clarity and consistency, particularly in English-speaking contexts. -
"only 0,5 hours of male in using car per day" -> "only 0.5 hours of car usage by males per day"
Explanation: The phrase is restructured for clarity and grammatical correctness. "Car usage by males" is more precise than "male in using car." -
"the sum hours of women duties" -> "the total hours of women’s responsibilities"
Explanation: "Sum" is vague; "total" is more precise. "Women’s responsibilities" is a more formal and accurate term than "women duties." -
"the highest at 2 hours while men used car less than 0,5 hours" -> "the highest at 2 hours, while men spent less than 0.5 hours on car usage"
Explanation: The phrase is restructured for clarity. "Spent less than" provides a clearer comparison, and "on car usage" maintains formality. -
"Similarly with the amount of hours for using car during leisure acitivities in women" -> "Similarly, the amount of hours spent by women on car usage during leisure activities"
Explanation: The phrase is restructured for clarity and grammatical correctness. "Spent by women on car usage" is more precise and formal. -
"0,5 hours in men usage" -> "0.5 hours of car usage by men"
Explanation: The phrase is restructured for clarity and grammatical correctness, ensuring consistency in terminology. -
"the average hours of travelling to work from male" -> "the average hours of travel to work for males"
Explanation: "Travelling" should be "travel" for consistency in noun form, and "for males" is more grammatically correct than "from male." -
"about three times as much as that of female in using car" -> "approximately three times greater than that of females in car usage"
Explanation: "Approximately" is more formal than "about," and "greater than" is clearer than "as much as." The phrase is restructured for clarity. -
"Apart from others categories" -> "In addition to other categories"
Explanation: "Apart from" is less formal; "In addition to" is more appropriate in academic writing. -
"the general run in hours of recreation activities witnessed an equal amount of time at half of an hour in both genders" -> "the overall hours spent on recreational activities were equal, at half an hour for both genders"
Explanation: "General run in hours" is vague; "overall hours spent on recreational activities" is clearer. The phrase is restructured for clarity and formality.
Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6
Band Score: 6
Explanation: The essay addresses the requirements of the task by providing an overview of the main features of the chart. It also makes some comparisons between the data for men and women. However, the essay does not fully extend the key features and some details are irrelevant or inaccurate. For example, the essay states that the average hours of travelling to work from male was about three times as much as that of female in using car, but the chart shows that the difference is actually closer to two times.
How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more accurate and relevant details. For example, the essay could state that the average hours of travelling to work from male was 1.5 hours, while the average hours of travelling to work from female was 0.5 hours. The essay could also provide more specific comparisons between the data for men and women. For example, the essay could state that women spent more time using cars for shopping, taking children to school, and leisure activities, while men spent more time using cars for travelling to work.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5
Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, but there is a noticeable lack of overall progression. While it attempts to compare the car usage between genders, the connections between ideas are not always clear, leading to confusion. The use of cohesive devices is inconsistent; for instance, phrases like "first and foremost" and "in contrast" are present, but their effectiveness is undermined by awkward phrasing and grammatical errors. Additionally, the paragraphing is not logical, as the ideas do not flow smoothly from one to the next, making it difficult for the reader to follow the argument.
How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on clearer transitions between ideas and ensure that each paragraph has a distinct central topic. Improving the accuracy of cohesive devices and varying their use will also help. Additionally, proofreading for grammatical errors and ensuring that comparisons are clearly articulated will strengthen the overall organization of the essay.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5
Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While it attempts to convey information about car usage, the vocabulary is basic and repetitive, with noticeable errors in spelling (e.g., "houres," "catagories," "females’s," "leisure acitivities") and word formation (e.g., "the quantity of hours in women activities"). These errors may cause some difficulty for the reader in understanding the message. The use of phrases like "the average hours of females’s car usage" and "the sum hours of women duties" indicates a lack of precision and control over lexical choices. Overall, while the essay communicates the main features, it does so with limited effectiveness due to vocabulary issues.
How to improve: To enhance lexical resource, the writer should focus on expanding their vocabulary by incorporating more varied and precise terms relevant to the topic. Additionally, practicing correct spelling and word formation will help reduce errors that impede clarity. Using synonyms and avoiding repetition can also improve the overall quality of the essay. Engaging with more complex sentence structures and less common lexical items will further elevate the writing.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5
Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, primarily relying on simple sentence forms. While there are attempts at complex sentences, they often lack accuracy, leading to frequent grammatical errors. For instance, phrases like "females’s car usage" and "the sum hours of women duties" contain errors that hinder clarity. Additionally, punctuation issues, such as the incorrect use of commas and the absence of necessary ones, contribute to a lack of coherence. Overall, while the essay communicates the main ideas, the grammatical inaccuracies and limited variety in sentence structures prevent it from achieving a higher score.
How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on using a wider variety of sentence structures, including more complex forms. Practicing the correct use of possessives and ensuring subject-verb agreement would also help. Furthermore, proofreading for punctuation and grammatical errors before submission can significantly improve clarity and coherence. Engaging with grammar exercises and seeking feedback on writing can also aid in developing a stronger command of English grammar.
Bài sửa mẫu
The given diagram illustrates the average hours of car use in a 24-hour period for various purposes in 2020. Overall, the number of hours spent by women on car-related activities was higher in certain categories, such as shopping, taking children to school, and leisure activities, while men spent more time driving for work.
First and foremost, the average hours of car usage for shopping among females stood at 1.5 hours, compared to only 0.5 hours for males. Additionally, the total hours women spent taking children to school was the highest at 2 hours, while men used the car for this purpose for less than 0.5 hours. Similarly, the time spent on leisure activities by women was just over 0.5 hours, whereas men also spent 0.5 hours.
In contrast, the average time spent by men traveling to work was 1.5 hours, which was about three times greater than that of women. In other categories, the average time spent on recreational activities was equal for both genders, with each spending half an hour.
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