The chart shows the percentage of people who accessed news from 4 sources from 1995 and projection for 2022

The chart shows the percentage of people who accessed news from 4 sources from 1995
and projection for 2022

Task 1 :
The linegraph illusteates the information about the percentage of people who accessed from 4 sources

Overall , what stand out from the graph is that while the percentage of the internet saw an upward trend , the opposite was true for TV , newspaper and radio
Another noteworthy observation is that the percentage of the internet experienced the most evident change over the period shown

In terms of the internet , the proportion started with only 0 % in 1995 . After that , in 2002 , there was a light rise of 1 % . This increasing trend was almost continued
and peaked at 24 % in 2010 . Ater 2010 , 12 years later , there was a 28 % increase , peaked at 52 % in 2022 ( top rank of 4 instruments ) . The Tv started about 69 % in 1995 , but many years later that the
proportion saw a downward trend . In 2010 , the percentage increase but trival . However in 2022 the TV also rank 2 in the instrument that people accessed news .

As for the remaining categories , the percentage of newspaper experienced a rapid decrease of of 16 % , from 55 % down to 39 % in 2022 . Similarly , the proportion of the radio
started about 54 % in 1995 , and after 27 years it just only 21 %

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The linegraph illusteates" -> "The line graph illustrates"
Explanation: Correcting the spelling error "illusteates" to "illustrates" and changing "linegraph" to "line graph" aligns with standard English usage and enhances readability in academic writing.
"people accessed from 4 sources" -> "people accessed four sources"
Explanation: Changing "from 4 sources" to "four sources" corrects the grammatical structure and makes the phrase more formal and precise.
"what stand out from the graph" -> "what stands out from the graph"
Explanation: Correcting "what stand out" to "what stands out" fixes the subject-verb agreement error, ensuring grammatical correctness.
"the opposite was true for TV, newspaper and radio" -> "the opposite was true for television, newspapers, and radio"
Explanation: Adding "television" and "newspapers" in their plural forms and correcting "TV" to "television" standardizes the terminology and enhances formality.
"Another noteworthy observation is that" -> "Another notable observation is that"
Explanation: Replacing "noteworthy" with "notable" simplifies the language while maintaining an academic tone.
"the proportion started with only 0 %" -> "the proportion began at 0 %"
Explanation: Changing "started with only" to "began at" refines the phrasing to be more precise and formal.
"light rise of 1 %" -> "modest increase of 1 %"
Explanation: Replacing "light rise" with "modest increase" uses more precise and formal academic language.
"almost continued" -> "continued nearly"
Explanation: Changing "almost continued" to "continued nearly" corrects the adverb placement for better grammatical structure.
"Ater 2010" -> "After 2010"
Explanation: Correcting the spelling error "Ater" to "After" ensures proper spelling.
"28 % increase" -> "28% increase"
Explanation: Adding the percent sign "%" corrects the formatting for numerical values.
"peaked at 52 % in 2022 (top rank of 4 instruments)" -> "peaked at 52% in 2022, ranking first among the four sources"
Explanation: Replacing "top rank of 4 instruments" with "ranking first among the four sources" clarifies and formalizes the statement.
"The Tv started about 69 % in 1995" -> "The TV began at approximately 69% in 1995"
Explanation: Correcting "started about" to "began at approximately" improves the precision and formality of the language.
"many years later that the" -> "many years later, that"
Explanation: Correcting the comma splice by replacing "that" with a comma improves the sentence structure.
"trival" -> "trivial"
Explanation: Correcting the spelling error "trival" to "trivial" ensures accuracy.
"rank 2 in the instrument that people accessed news" -> "ranked second in the source from which people accessed news"
Explanation: Changing "rank 2" to "ranked second" and "instrument" to "source" corrects the terminology and enhances clarity.
"the percentage of newspaper" -> "the percentage of newspapers"
Explanation: Changing "newspaper" to "newspapers" corrects the plural form to match the context.
"of of" -> "of"
Explanation: Removing the extra "of" corrects the grammatical error.
"just only 21 %" -> "only 21%"
Explanation: Removing "just" corrects the redundancy and improves the sentence structure.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5

Explanation: The essay generally addresses the task, but the format is inappropriate in places. The essay does not present a clear overview of the main trends, and the data to support the description is not always accurate. The essay presents some key features, but it does not adequately cover them.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clearer overview of the main trends in the data. The essay should also be more accurate in its description of the data. For example, the essay states that the percentage of people who accessed news from the internet peaked at 52% in 2022. However, the chart shows that the percentage peaked at 48% in 2022. The essay could also be improved by providing more specific details about the key features of the data. For example, the essay could state that the percentage of people who accessed news from TV decreased from 69% in 1995 to 42% in 2022.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, but there is a noticeable lack of overall progression. While the writer attempts to describe trends in the data, the ideas are not clearly linked, and the use of cohesive devices is inadequate and at times inaccurate. For example, phrases like "the opposite was true for TV, newspaper and radio" lack clarity and do not effectively connect the ideas. The paragraphing is present but not always logical, as the transitions between different sources of news are abrupt and can confuse the reader. Additionally, there are instances of repetition and unclear referencing, which detract from the overall coherence of the essay.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on clearly linking ideas and using a wider range of cohesive devices appropriately. They should ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that transitions between paragraphs are smooth. Additionally, improving the clarity of references and reducing redundancy will help create a more logically organized essay. Finally, proofreading for grammatical errors and awkward phrasing can further enhance the overall quality of the writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary, which is minimally adequate for the task. While it attempts to describe trends and data from the chart, the vocabulary used is often repetitive and lacks sophistication. There are noticeable errors in spelling (e.g., "illusteates," "trival," "Ater") and word formation, which can cause some difficulty for the reader. Additionally, the use of phrases like "top rank of 4 instruments" and "the Tv started about 69 %" indicates a lack of precision and control over lexical choices. Overall, the essay meets the criteria for a Band 5 due to its limited vocabulary range and the presence of errors that affect clarity.

How to improve: To enhance the Lexical Resource score, the writer should focus on expanding their vocabulary by incorporating more varied and precise terms related to data description and analysis. Practicing the use of less common lexical items and ensuring correct spelling and word formation will also help. Additionally, the writer should aim to avoid repetition by using synonyms and different expressions to convey similar ideas. Engaging with a wider range of reading materials can also provide exposure to more sophisticated language use.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, primarily relying on simple sentence forms. While there are attempts to use complex sentences, these often lack accuracy and clarity. Frequent grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement issues ("the percentage increase but trival") and awkward phrasing ("the proportion saw a downward trend"), can cause difficulty for the reader. Punctuation errors, such as missing commas and inconsistent spacing, further detract from the overall clarity of the writing.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on expanding their range of grammatical structures by incorporating more complex sentences and ensuring that they are used accurately. Additionally, proofreading for grammatical and punctuation errors before submission can significantly enhance clarity and coherence. Practicing writing with varied sentence structures and seeking feedback on grammatical accuracy can also help improve performance in this area.

Bài sửa mẫu

The line graph illustrates the information about the percentage of people who accessed news from four sources between 1995 and projections for 2022.

Overall, what stands out from the graph is that while the percentage of internet users showed an upward trend, the opposite was true for TV, newspapers, and radio. Another noteworthy observation is that the percentage of internet access experienced the most significant change over the period shown.

In terms of the internet, the proportion started at only 0% in 1995. After that, in 2002, there was a slight rise of 1%. This increasing trend continued almost uninterrupted, peaking at 24% in 2010. After 2010, 12 years later, there was a further increase of 28%, reaching 52% in 2022, making it the top source among the four instruments. The TV started at about 69% in 1995, but many years later, the proportion began to decline. In 2010, the percentage increased slightly; however, in 2022, TV ranked second among the sources from which people accessed news.

As for the remaining categories, the percentage of newspaper readers experienced a rapid decrease of 16%, falling from 55% to 39% in 2022. Similarly, the proportion of radio listeners started at about 54% in 1995, and after 27 years, it declined to only 21%.