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The charts below give information about educational levels in Glasgow, a city in Scotland in 2010

The charts below give information about educational levels in Glasgow, a city in Scotland in 2010

The diagrams graphically depict information regarding the educational level in various groups of age and gender in the city of Glasgow in Scotland in the year of 2010.

From an overarching standpoint, it is readily apparent that residents aged over 75 held the distinction of having the highest rate of no qualifications, while most young people from 16 to 24 years old accomplished school certificate, and the age of 25-34 was witnessed with the higher rate in attaining university degree than other given groups of age. In terms of differences in educational level based on gender, both the majority of men and women in all ages were more interested in getting school certificates than other levels in education systems.

Regarding the given bar chart, it is evident that the elderly from over 75% took the lead in having no qualifications, registering at precisely 72%, followed closely by the group of 60-74 years old, accounting for 55%. The following comparison in age ranges is that 39% people from 45-59 years old had no academic performance, which was three times the group of 25-34 years old’s figures of 12% and four fold that of young people aged 16-14 years old.Concerning differences in the group of people having school certificate, the youngest group of 16-24 years old surpassed the remaining ages, amounting to 66%, nearly doubling the statistics for the rest of inhabitants, and quadrupling that of the oldest group of people, registered at 19%. The most popular group of dwellers in Scotland holding the university degree was people aged from 25-34 years old with 53%, followed by the group of 35-44 years old. Other featured ages did not show much of their preference in studying University to get a Bachelor's Degree since the data in these groups was lower than 40%.

Returning to the dissimilarity of educational level in gender, the statistics for both genders were significantly identical with 39% for school certificates. While 29% of women favored taking a university degree, 32% of men were seen at this level. The distinguished rate of gender for the last educational level was reserved with the previous one.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "From an overarching standpoint" -> "From a comprehensive perspective"
    Explanation: Replacing "overarching standpoint" with "comprehensive perspective" enhances the formality of the sentence by using a more advanced and precise term.

  2. "accomplished school certificate" -> "achieved secondary education certificates"
    Explanation: "Accomplished school certificate" is vague and could refer to various educational achievements. Using "achieved secondary education certificates" provides a clearer and more specific description.

  3. "witnessed with the higher rate" -> "observed with a higher prevalence"
    Explanation: "Witnessed with the higher rate" is awkward phrasing. "Observed with a higher prevalence" conveys the same meaning more elegantly.

  4. "attaining university degree" -> "attaining a university degree"
    Explanation: Adding "a" before "university degree" corrects the grammar.

  5. "differences in educational level based on gender" -> "disparities in educational attainment based on gender"
    Explanation: "Differences in educational level" can be made more precise by using "disparities in educational attainment," which is a more advanced way to express this concept.

  6. "both the majority of men and women" -> "the majority of both men and women"
    Explanation: Reordering the words for clarity.

  7. "getting school certificates" -> "attaining secondary education certificates"
    Explanation: Using "attaining secondary education certificates" provides a more specific and formal term than "getting school certificates."

  8. "The following comparison in age ranges" -> "The subsequent comparison among age groups"
    Explanation: "Following comparison" is somewhat unclear, and "subsequent comparison among age groups" is more precise.

  9. "39% people" -> "39% of people"
    Explanation: Adding "of" makes the sentence grammatically correct.

  10. "people aged from 25-34 years old" -> "individuals aged 25-34 years"
    Explanation: Simplifying the phrasing for clarity and conciseness.

  11. "rate of gender" -> "gender disparity"
    Explanation: "Rate of gender" is not a standard term. "Gender disparity" is a more appropriate phrase in this context.

  12. "reserved with the previous one" -> "consistent with the previous one"
    Explanation: "Reserved with" is not a standard phrase. "Consistent with" is a better choice to indicate similarity or agreement.

Overall, these suggestions aim to improve the precision and formality of the vocabulary used in the essay.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay addresses the requirements of the task by providing an overview of educational levels in Glasgow in 2010, considering different age groups and gender. It presents an overview with information appropriately selected. The key features and bullet points are highlighted but could be more fully extended for a higher score.

In terms of strengths, the essay effectively presents the main trends in educational levels for different age groups and gender. It mentions the highest and lowest rates of educational attainment, which is essential for understanding the data. The use of percentages to quantify the data is appropriate and adds clarity to the analysis.

However, there are areas where improvement is needed. The essay lacks some specific details that could enhance the clarity of the explanation. For instance, it would be helpful to provide the actual percentages or numbers for each age group and gender to support the descriptions. Additionally, the conclusion is somewhat abrupt and could be expanded to summarize the key findings more effectively.

Overall, the essay covers the task’s requirements and provides a clear overview of main trends in educational levels. With more detailed data and a more comprehensive conclusion, it has the potential to achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: This essay deserves a Band 7 for Coherence and Cohesion. It logically organizes information and ideas with a clear progression throughout. The essay effectively uses a range of cohesive devices to connect sentences and paragraphs. There is a clear central topic within each paragraph, and paragraphing is done sufficiently and appropriately. The transitions between ideas and points are generally smooth and make the essay easy to follow.

How to improve: To potentially reach a higher band score, the essay could benefit from slightly more varied and sophisticated vocabulary and sentence structure. Additionally, while the cohesion is generally good, some sentences could be further refined to eliminate minor issues of cohesion, making the flow even smoother. Nonetheless, the essay is well-structured and coherent, meeting the Band 7 descriptor effectively.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary for the task. It uses various words and expressions to describe the charts and the data presented, including phrases like "diagrams graphically depict," "overarching standpoint," "differences in educational level," and "quadrupling." The writer attempts to use less common vocabulary, such as "attaining university degree" and "inhabitants," but there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation. For example, "inhabitants" might not be the most appropriate term in this context.

There are some errors in spelling and word formation, like "16-14" instead of "16-24" and "aged 16-14 years old," which is not grammatically correct. These errors do not significantly impede communication, but they are noticeable. Overall, the essay’s vocabulary is suitable for the task, but there are some minor inaccuracies and errors.

How to improve:
To improve the Lexical Resource score, the writer should focus on using a wider range of vocabulary accurately and appropriately. They should pay attention to word choice and collocation to avoid occasional inaccuracies. Additionally, careful proofreading to eliminate spelling and word formation errors is essential. Using precise and specific vocabulary can enhance the overall quality of the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a moderate level of grammatical range and accuracy. It uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and generally conveys its ideas effectively. There are some errors in grammar and punctuation, but they do not significantly reduce communication. The essay successfully presents information from the provided charts, and the content is logically structured.

How to improve:

  1. Grammar and Punctuation: To improve the score, the writer should pay more attention to grammar and punctuation. There are several instances of errors, such as missing articles or incorrect prepositions, that could be addressed with careful proofreading.

  2. Clarity and Cohesion: While the essay generally presents information logically, some sentences could be clearer. The writer should focus on ensuring that each sentence flows smoothly into the next and that ideas are well-connected.

  3. Vocabulary and Expression: Expanding the range of vocabulary and expressions used in the essay could also enhance the overall quality. This can make the essay more engaging and precise.

  4. Avoid Repetition: The essay occasionally repeats phrases like "educational level" and "age group" which can be substituted with synonyms to improve readability.

By addressing these areas, the essay could achieve a higher score in the Grammatical Range and Accuracy criteria.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided charts offer insights into the educational attainment levels of different age groups and genders in Glasgow, Scotland, for the year 2010.

Introduction:

The diagrams present data regarding educational achievements across various age groups and genders in Glasgow, Scotland, during 2010.

Overview:

At a glance, it is evident that individuals aged 75 and above had the highest percentage of no qualifications, standing at 72%. In contrast, the 16-24 age group displayed the highest proportion of school certificate holders, while those aged 25-34 exhibited the highest percentage of university degree holders. In terms of gender-based differences, both men and women across all age categories showed a greater preference for acquiring school certificates.

Detailed Analysis:

Looking closely at the bar chart, the elderly population aged over 75 had the highest incidence of no qualifications, accounting for 72%, followed closely by the 60-74 age group at 55%. Notably, 45-59-year-olds had a significant 39% without academic qualifications, which was three times the rate of 25-34-year-olds at 12% and four times that of the youngest group (16-24 years old) at 9%.

Turning to the distribution of school certificate holders, the 16-24 age group exhibited the highest proportion, reaching 66%, nearly double the rate of all other age brackets and four times the percentage of the oldest age group (60-74 years old) at 19%.

When considering university degrees, the 25-34 age group emerged as the most prominent, with 53% of individuals holding such qualifications, closely followed by the 35-44 age group. Other age categories did not display a strong preference for pursuing a Bachelor’s Degree, as their percentages remained below 40%.

In terms of gender differences, both men and women showed similar interest in obtaining school certificates, each at 39%. However, a slightly higher percentage of women (29%) pursued university degrees compared to men (32%). The gender distinction was most pronounced at the university degree level.

In conclusion, the data reveals age-related trends in educational attainment, with older age groups displaying higher rates of no qualifications, while younger age groups excelled in acquiring school certificates. Gender differences were minimal, with women showing a slightly higher interest in obtaining university degrees compared to men.

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