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The charts below give information about world spending and population. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below give information about world spending and population.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where
relevant.

The first pie chart compares the shares of four major items in global expenditure. It is observed that the most
significant amounts are paid for food (almost a quarter of global expenditure) and transport (almost 20%), while
housing also accounts for a considerable proportion. The least among the four is spent on clothing (merely 6
percent) and the remaining 40% is spent on a variety of other items.
The second diagram illustrates how global population is distributed. According to this chart, there is a significant
difference between the population of Asia and that of other continents since 3 out of every 5 human beings live
in Asia. Europe and the Americas share similar proportions and together are host to roughly one-third of the
world’s population, while the inhabitants of Africa form a mere one-tenth.
To sum up, four items are responsible for three-fifths of the overall spending around the world, the most
prominent share being that of food. Moreover, the largest group of humans populates Asia, the population of
which outnumbers that of the rest of the world by 3 to 2.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "It is observed that" -> "It is evident that"
    Explanation: Replacing "It is observed that" with "It is evident that" maintains a formal tone while eliminating unnecessary words, adhering to academic style principles.

  2. "most significant amounts" -> "major shares"
    Explanation: Substituting "most significant amounts" with "major shares" provides a more precise and formal expression, aligning with the context of a statistical analysis.

  3. "considerable proportion" -> "a substantial percentage"
    Explanation: Changing "considerable proportion" to "a substantial percentage" enhances the formality of the description and offers a more nuanced expression of the data.

  4. "merely 6 percent" -> "a modest 6 percent"
    Explanation: Replacing "merely 6 percent" with "a modest 6 percent" maintains clarity while introducing a more refined and formal choice of words.

  5. "the remaining 40%" -> "the remaining 40 percent"
    Explanation: Adding the word "percent" after "40" ensures consistency in the usage of numerical values and adheres to the formal style required in academic writing.

  6. "illustrates how global population is distributed" -> "depicts the distribution of the global population"
    Explanation: Substituting "illustrates how global population is distributed" with "depicts the distribution of the global population" provides a more formal and precise description.

  7. "3 out of every 5" -> "three-fifths"
    Explanation: Replacing "3 out of every 5" with "three-fifths" offers a more concise and academically appropriate representation of the numerical ratio.

  8. "share similar proportions" -> "exhibit comparable shares"
    Explanation: Changing "share similar proportions" to "exhibit comparable shares" introduces a more sophisticated expression while maintaining the intended meaning.

  9. "are host to" -> "harbor"
    Explanation: Substituting "are host to" with "harbor" contributes to a more formal and precise vocabulary choice in describing the population distribution across Europe and the Americas.

  10. "a mere one-tenth" -> "a modest one-tenth"
    Explanation: Replacing "a mere one-tenth" with "a modest one-tenth" enhances the formality of the statement without sacrificing clarity in the description.

  11. "To sum up" -> "In conclusion"
    Explanation: Substituting "To sum up" with "In conclusion" is a more formal transition phrase commonly used in academic writing, providing a polished finish to the essay.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6 – UNDER WORD

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay partially addresses all parts of the question. It correctly summarizes the main features of the charts, highlighting significant points about global expenditure and population distribution. However, it lacks depth in the comparison aspect, failing to make explicit connections between spending and population.
    • How to improve: To enhance the completeness of the response, consider providing more detailed comparisons between global spending and population distribution. For instance, explore potential correlations between spending on specific items and the population density in corresponding regions.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear stance by presenting factual information about global expenditure and population distribution. The positions taken on the significance of certain expenditures and the population concentration in Asia are consistently supported throughout the essay.
    • How to improve: To further strengthen clarity, consider explicitly stating the importance of the presented information. For instance, elaborate on why understanding global spending patterns and population distribution is crucial, linking it to broader economic or social implications.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents information on global expenditure and population distribution. It briefly extends ideas by providing specific details about the shares of major expenditure items and the population distribution across continents.
    • How to improve: To enhance idea development, consider providing more examples or elaborating further on the implications of the presented data. For instance, discuss potential reasons behind the observed spending patterns or the consequences of population concentration in certain regions.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic by addressing the main features of global expenditure and population distribution. However, there are minor deviations, such as the mention of "the remaining 40%" in the first paragraph, which lacks clarity and could be more explicitly linked to the topic.
    • How to improve: Ensure that all details mentioned directly contribute to the overall understanding of global spending and population distribution. Avoid introducing percentages or figures without clear relevance to the main topic, maintaining a focused and concise approach.

In summary, while the essay effectively addresses key aspects of the prompt, it falls slightly short in providing a comprehensive comparison and could benefit from deeper analysis and more explicit connections between global spending and population distribution. Additionally, maintaining absolute clarity in supporting details will contribute to an even more effective response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally organizes information logically. It begins by addressing the first pie chart, discussing each major item in global expenditure individually. This sequential approach helps the reader follow the information. The shift to the second diagram about global population is also smooth, providing a clear structure to the essay. However, there is room for improvement in the concluding paragraph, where the essay summarizes the main points. The transition could be more seamless, summarizing the key information more cohesively.
    • How to improve: To enhance the logical flow, consider providing a more concise and interconnected summary in the concluding paragraph. Clearly link the main points from both charts, emphasizing the overarching themes of global spending and population distribution.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively to separate different aspects of the data, with distinct paragraphs for the first pie chart and the second diagram. Each paragraph introduces and elaborates on a specific point, contributing to a well-organized structure.
    • How to improve: Maintain this effective paragraphing style. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and follows a logical sequence. Consider refining the conclusion to make it a separate paragraph that succinctly wraps up the main insights from both charts.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs cohesive devices reasonably well. Transition words like "moreover" and "furthermore" are used to connect ideas within sentences. However, there is room for improvement in terms of variety and sophistication. Additionally, the use of cohesive devices in the concluding paragraph could be strengthened to tie together the information from both charts more explicitly.
    • How to improve: Expand the repertoire of cohesive devices by incorporating a variety of linking words and phrases. Utilize transitions not only within sentences but also between paragraphs to enhance the overall coherence. In the conclusion, explicitly use cohesive devices to summarize and connect the main points, reinforcing the relationships between global spending and population distribution.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid organizational structure and effective paragraphing. To improve coherence and cohesion further, refine the transition in the concluding paragraph and diversify the use of cohesive devices.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderately wide range of vocabulary. There is an effective use of varied terms like "shares," "proportion," "significant," and "host." However, the essay could benefit from more diversity in expressions. For instance, the phrase "the remaining 40%" could be enriched by using alternatives like "the residual 40%" or "the remaining 40 percent."
    • How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, consider incorporating synonyms and more specialized terms where appropriate. Utilize expressions that convey nuanced meanings, avoiding repetition of words or phrases, and explore alternative ways to articulate ideas.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary with precision. Examples include the accurate use of terms such as "significant difference," "roughly one-third," and "merely 6 percent." However, there are instances where vocabulary could be more precise. For instance, the phrase "the most prominent share being that of food" might benefit from specifying the exact percentage, providing a more precise description.
    • How to improve: Aim for even greater precision by using exact percentages or specific numerical values. Avoid generalizations when possible, providing concrete details to substantiate statements. This will contribute to a more nuanced and detailed analysis.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally exhibits correct spelling throughout, contributing to the overall coherence of the text. However, there is a minor error in the phrase "three-fifths," where the hyphen is missing. Additionally, the essay uses both American ("coloring") and British ("centre") spellings, which, while not incorrect, could be streamlined for consistency.
    • How to improve: Pay meticulous attention to details such as hyphenation and consistently apply a single spelling convention, whether American or British English. A careful proofreading session can help identify and rectify such minor spelling discrepancies, contributing to a polished final product.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable use of sentence structures. There is a mix of simple and complex sentences, contributing to a smooth and coherent flow. For instance, the introductory sentence uses a complex structure to introduce the main idea efficiently. The variation in sentence length also aids readability.
    • How to improve: While the essay generally employs a diverse range of structures, there is room to further enhance complexity. Consider integrating more compound and compound-complex sentences to showcase a greater syntactical range. This can be achieved by combining related ideas into a single sentence and using subordination effectively.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a high level of grammatical accuracy with only minor errors. For instance, in the phrase "the most significant amounts are paid for food," the preposition "for" could be replaced with "on" for improved accuracy. Additionally, the sentence "while the inhabitants of Africa form a mere one-tenth" could benefit from the inclusion of an article before "inhabitants."
    • How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, careful proofreading is advised. Attention to prepositions and articles will address the identified issues. Additionally, consider reviewing verb agreement to ensure consistency. Regarding punctuation, the essay employs appropriate commas and full stops, but a more sophisticated use of semicolons or colons could be integrated to further enrich sentence structure.

Overall, the essay exhibits a strong command of grammatical range and accuracy, but refining sentence structures and addressing minor grammatical issues will contribute to a more polished and sophisticated piece of writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

The initial pie chart presents a comparison of the major shares in global expenditure. It is evident that a substantial percentage is allocated to food, comprising almost a quarter of the total expenditure, and transport follows closely behind, accounting for nearly 20%. Housing also harbors a significant proportion of expenditure. In contrast, a modest 6 percent is spent on clothing, with the remaining 40 percent dedicated to various other items.

The subsequent chart depicts the distribution of the global population. Notably, there is a significant contrast in population between Asia and other continents, as three-fifths of the world’s inhabitants reside in Asia. Europe and the Americas exhibit comparable shares, together hosting approximately one-third of the global population. In contrast, Africa is home to a modest one-tenth of the world’s inhabitants.

In conclusion, the charts highlight that three-fifths of global spending is attributed to four primary items, with food taking the lead. Furthermore, Asia is the most populated continent, surpassing the combined population of the rest of the world by 3 to 2.

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