The charts below provide information about recycling in Sydney, Australia and York, England per annum.

The provided pie charts compare the recycling proportion of five waste categories – plastic, paper, glass, steel and aluminium per annum. It can be clearly seen that the recycling rates for different types of waste in Sydney reveal a significant emphasis on paper whereas York exhibits a more balanced recycling approach across different waste categories.
In Sydney, paper recycling rates typically achieve the highest proportion which is 68%. Glass recycling lags behind with rates just 24% while plastic, steel and aluminium contribute relatively small percentages (5%, 2% and 1% respectively).
In contrast, York reveals a more balanced distribution in number. Plastic forms the largest share, at 35% followed by paper at 33%. Both glass and steel are recycled equally, making up 12% of each in total. Aluminium represents just 8% of all recycling categories.
Overall, paper recycling plays a dominant role in Sydney’s waste managemenr system while York places a more even emphasis on recycling a wider range of materials.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"the recycling proportion of five waste categories" -> "the recycling proportions of five waste categories"
Explanation: The term "proportion" should be pluralized to "proportions" to accurately reflect that there are multiple categories being compared.
"It can be clearly seen that" -> "It is evident that"
Explanation: "It is evident that" is a more formal expression that conveys clarity without the informal tone of "can be clearly seen."
"a significant emphasis on paper" -> "a pronounced emphasis on paper"
Explanation: "Pronounced" is a more precise term that conveys a stronger degree of emphasis than "significant," enhancing the academic tone.
"whereas York exhibits a more balanced recycling approach" -> "while York demonstrates a more balanced recycling strategy"
Explanation: "Demonstrates" is a more formal and precise verb than "exhibits," and "strategy" is a more appropriate term than "approach" in an academic context.
"typically achieve the highest proportion which is 68%" -> "typically achieves the highest proportion at 68%"
Explanation: Changing "which is" to "at" improves clarity and conciseness, making the sentence flow better.
"lags behind with rates just 24%" -> "lags behind with a rate of only 24%"
Explanation: "A rate of only" is more precise and formal than "rates just," improving the academic tone.
"contribute relatively small percentages (5%, 2% and 1% respectively)" -> "contribute relatively minor percentages of 5%, 2%, and 1%, respectively"
Explanation: "Minor" is a more formal term than "small," and adding "of" clarifies the percentages being referred to.
"reveals a more balanced distribution in number" -> "demonstrates a more balanced distribution"
Explanation: "Demonstrates" is more formal than "reveals," and "in number" is unnecessary; "distribution" alone suffices for clarity.
"making up 12% of each in total" -> "each accounting for 12% of the total"
Explanation: "Each accounting for" is a more formal construction that enhances clarity and precision.
"plays a dominant role in Sydney’s waste managemenr system" -> "plays a predominant role in Sydney’s waste management system"
Explanation: "Predominant" is a more formal and precise term than "dominant," and correcting the spelling of "management" improves professionalism.
"while York places a more even emphasis on recycling a wider range of materials" -> "while York places a more equitable emphasis on recycling a broader range of materials"
Explanation: "Equitable" is a more formal and precise term than "even," and "broader" is more appropriate than "wider" in this context.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7

Explanation: The essay provides a clear overview of the main trends in recycling rates for Sydney and York. It accurately identifies the key features of each city’s recycling approach, highlighting the dominance of paper recycling in Sydney and the more balanced approach in York. The essay also presents and highlights key features/bullet points, but could be more fully extended. For example, the essay could provide more specific details about the differences in recycling rates between the two cities.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more specific details about the differences in recycling rates between the two cities. For example, the essay could state that Sydney recycles 63% more paper than York, or that York recycles 30% more plastic than Sydney. The essay could also provide more analysis of the reasons for these differences. For example, the essay could discuss the potential impact of government policies or public awareness campaigns on recycling rates.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay logically organizes information and ideas, presenting a clear progression throughout. The introduction effectively sets the context, and the body paragraphs compare the recycling rates in Sydney and York, maintaining a clear central topic within each paragraph. However, while a range of cohesive devices is used appropriately, there are instances of slight under-use, particularly in transitions between ideas. The paragraphing is generally clear but could benefit from more distinct separation of ideas to enhance coherence further.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the essay could incorporate a wider variety of cohesive devices to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph has a clear and distinct focus would enhance the overall coherence. More explicit linking phrases could be used to guide the reader through the comparisons being made, thereby strengthening the logical progression of ideas.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary, allowing for flexibility and precision in conveying the information presented in the charts. The use of terms such as "proportion," "emphasis," and "balanced distribution" indicates an awareness of style and context. However, there are occasional inaccuracies in word choice, such as "managemenr," which is a spelling error that detracts from the overall quality. Additionally, while less common lexical items are attempted, they are not consistently used with full accuracy, which aligns with the criteria for a Band 7.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the essay could benefit from a more extensive use of sophisticated vocabulary and a greater variety of expressions. Ensuring that all spelling and word formation are correct would also enhance clarity and precision. Additionally, incorporating more nuanced language to describe the data could elevate the lexical resource further, moving towards a Band 8.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a variety of complex structures and produces frequent error-free sentences. The grammatical range is good, with a mix of simple and complex sentence forms. However, there are a few grammatical errors, such as "managemenr" instead of "management," which detracts slightly from the overall accuracy. The control of grammar and punctuation is generally strong, but the presence of minor errors indicates that it does not fully meet the criteria for a higher band.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on proofreading to eliminate minor typographical errors and ensure that all sentences are grammatically correct. Additionally, incorporating a wider range of complex structures and ensuring that all sentences are error-free would enhance the overall grammatical accuracy and range.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided pie charts compare the recycling proportions of five waste categories – plastic, paper, glass, steel, and aluminium – per annum. It is evident that the recycling rates for different types of waste in Sydney demonstrate a significant emphasis on paper, whereas York exhibits a more balanced recycling approach across various waste categories.

In Sydney, paper recycling rates typically achieve the highest proportion, at 68%. Glass recycling lags behind, with rates at just 24%, while plastic, steel, and aluminium contribute relatively small percentages of 5%, 2%, and 1%, respectively.

In contrast, York reveals a more balanced distribution. Plastic forms the largest share at 35%, followed closely by paper at 33%. Both glass and steel are recycled equally, each making up 12% of the total. Aluminium represents just 8% of all recycling categories.

Overall, paper recycling plays a dominant role in Sydney’s waste management system, while York places a more even emphasis on recycling a wider range of materials.