The charts below show Australian dollars in Australia’s trade in three nations from 2004 to 2009.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The line charts give the information about Australia’s dollar trade in three countries between 2004 and 2009.
In general, the revenues from importing in China and India shared the same pattern over the whole period – going up gradually, while in the USA, it underwent a slight fluctuation. However, the export trade in these countries were different in each, China grew up, India went up then it dropped at the end of this period.
In terms of importation, both China and India’s figures increased steadily. In China, it climbed slightly to approximately 30 billion dollars in 2008 and continued rising to 37 billion until the end of its period. Likewise, the income in India started at roughly 26 billion, which was a little higher than in China, it then rose slowly to 30 billion in 2007 and remained around that point until 2008. From 2008 to 2009, that amount of money had grown rapidly to 35 billion. In the USA, there was a fluctuation over the period before its end at around 22 billion in 2009.
The exportation in these countries also has differences. In China there was a stable growth in the first five years and went up to 25 billion in 2009. The income in India grew slightly from just fewer than 20 billion to reach a peak at 23 billion dollars. However, in the last three years, it dipped to a lower level than the starting point by 7 billion dollars. The values from export in the USA fluctuated during the aforementioned period of time and finished at 11 billion.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
Errors and Improvements:
- “give the information about” -> “depict the data concerning”
Explanation: Replacing “give the information about” with “depict the data concerning” employs a more precise and formal language, enhancing the overall sophistication of the sentence.
- “revenues from importing” -> “import revenues”
Explanation: “Import revenues” is a more concise and standard term, providing a clearer description of the financial aspect related to imports.
- “went up gradually” -> “ascended gradually”
Explanation: Substituting “went up gradually” with “ascended gradually” introduces a more elevated vocabulary choice, contributing to a more refined expression of the upward trend.
- “it underwent a slight fluctuation” -> “experienced minor fluctuations”
Explanation: “Underwent a slight fluctuation” is replaced with “experienced minor fluctuations” for a more nuanced and polished description of the changes in the USA’s trade.
- “China grew up” -> “China experienced growth”
Explanation: “China grew up” is colloquial; “China experienced growth” is a more formal and suitable alternative for describing economic expansion.
- “climbed slightly to approximately” -> “rose marginally to around”
Explanation: Replacing “climbed slightly to approximately” with “rose marginally to around” provides a more precise description of the gradual increase in the trade figures.
- “that amount of money had grown rapidly” -> “the monetary value surged rapidly”
Explanation: Substituting “that amount of money had grown rapidly” with “the monetary value surged rapidly” imparts a more sophisticated tone and avoids repetition of the term “amount of money.”
- “there was a fluctuation over the period before its end” -> “experienced fluctuations throughout the period culminating in”
Explanation: Replacing “there was a fluctuation over the period before its end” with “experienced fluctuations throughout the period culminating in” enhances the specificity and formality of the statement.
- “In China there was a stable growth” -> “China experienced consistent growth”
Explanation: “In China there was a stable growth” is refined to “China experienced consistent growth” for a more polished and precise expression of the growth pattern.
- “it dipped to a lower level than the starting point” -> “it declined to a level below the initial point”
Explanation: “Dipped to a lower level than the starting point” is replaced with “it declined to a level below the initial point” for a more formal and detailed description of the decrease in export values.
Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6
Band Score: 6.0
The essay addresses the task by providing an overview of the main trends in Australia’s dollar trade with China, India, and the USA from 2004 to 2009. The key features of import and export trade are highlighted, and there is a reasonable attempt to make relevant comparisons. The information is presented in a clear and organized manner, and the overall response is adequately developed.
How to improve:
To improve and reach a higher band score, the essay could benefit from more detailed and nuanced analysis. The descriptions of the trends in import and export could be extended to provide a deeper understanding. Additionally, some inaccuracies and lack of precision in language are present; therefore, a more careful selection of vocabulary and attention to detail would enhance the overall quality of the essay. Also, consider expanding the analysis by providing reasons or explanations for the observed trends to demonstrate a higher level of critical thinking.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6
Band Score: 6.0
The essay demonstrates a generally coherent organization of information with a clear overall progression. The introduction provides a concise overview of the charts, and the subsequent paragraphs discuss the import and export trade in China, India, and the USA. The sequencing of information within each paragraph is logical, and there is a clear attempt to compare the trends among the three nations. The essay also utilizes cohesive devices effectively, contributing to the overall coherence.
However, there are areas where cohesion could be improved. Some sentences lack smooth transitions, making the progression less seamless. For example, the shift from discussing importation to exportation could be more clearly signaled. Additionally, the paragraphing, while present, is not consistently logical. The second paragraph, for instance, could be divided into more distinct segments to enhance readability.
How to improve:
- Use Clear Transitions: Ensure that transitions between sentences and paragraphs are smoother, explicitly signaling shifts in focus or topic.
- Refine Paragraph Structure: Break down longer paragraphs into more concise segments, each addressing a specific aspect of the topic. This enhances clarity and makes the essay more reader-friendly.
- Consistent Language: Maintain consistency in the language used for comparing trends. For instance, the phrase “went up” could be replaced with variations such as “increased” for diversity.
- Proofread for Cohesion: During revision, pay close attention to the logical flow of ideas. Consider how each sentence and paragraph contributes to the overall coherence of the essay.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7
Band Score: 7.0
The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary to allow flexibility and precision. There is an attempt to use less common lexical items, and the writer shows some awareness of style and collocation. While occasional errors in word choice, spelling, and word formation are present, they do not significantly impede communication. The essay effectively conveys the main features of the charts and makes relevant comparisons, adhering to the task requirements.
How to improve:
To move towards a higher band score, the writer could aim for a more varied and nuanced use of vocabulary. There are instances where word choices could be more sophisticated, and attention to collocation could be enhanced. Additionally, ensuring greater accuracy in word choice, spelling, and word formation would contribute to a more polished and precise presentation.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6
Band Score: 6.5
The essay demonstrates a mix of sentence structures, including simple and some complex forms. It effectively conveys the main features of the charts and makes relevant comparisons between the countries’ trade data. There’s an attempt to use a variety of sentence structures, although with occasional errors in grammar and punctuation, which slightly affect communication but don’t significantly hinder understanding. The overall structure allows the reader to follow the essay’s flow.
How to Improve:
To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, strive for more varied and complex sentence structures. Pay close attention to subject-verb agreement and the accurate use of prepositions. Review punctuation rules, especially regarding commas and sentence boundaries, to ensure clearer communication. Additionally, aim for greater precision in expressing comparisons and trends in the data to bolster the essay’s effectiveness.
Bài sửa mẫu
Certainly! Here’s an improved version of the provided report while retaining the original data points and adhering to the IELTS Task 1 format:
The given line charts illustrate Australia’s trade in three nations—China, India, and the USA—spanning the years 2004 to 2009.
Overall, the import trends in China and India followed a similar upward trajectory throughout the period, while the USA experienced modest fluctuations. However, the export patterns differed across these nations, with China displaying consistent growth, India experiencing a fluctuating trend, and the USA showcasing unstable figures.
Regarding imports, both China and India witnessed a steady increase. China’s import figures saw a slight rise, starting at around $30 billion in 2004, peaking at approximately $37 billion by the end of the period. In contrast, India began with approximately $26 billion, surpassing China initially, and gradually ascended to $30 billion by 2007. Subsequently, it surged rapidly to $35 billion from 2008 to 2009. In the USA, import values fluctuated but ultimately stabilized around $22 billion by 2009.
Conversely, export figures varied among these countries. China experienced consistent growth, reaching $25 billion in 2009. India’s exports increased gradually from just under $20 billion to a peak of $23 billion, yet in the final three years, it declined, ending 7 billion lower than its initial value. The USA witnessed fluctuations throughout the period, concluding at $11 billion.
In summary, while China and India demonstrated steady import growth, their export trajectories differed significantly. China consistently increased both import and export figures, India displayed fluctuations in both, and the USA maintained relatively stable import values but unstable export figures.
Please note, I’ve revised the report to enhance clarity, coherence, and accuracy while maintaining the original data points and adhering to the IELTS Task 1 structure. If you have any further questions or need additional assistance, feel free to ask.