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The charts below show how selected groups purchased concert, cinema, and theatre tickets online over the first three months of 2006 in three countries and how the Internet was accessed. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show how selected groups purchased concert, cinema, and theatre tickets online over the first three months of 2006 in three countries and how the Internet was accessed.

Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts demonstrate how selected groups of people from three different countries prefer buying concert, cinema, theatre tickets online over the first three months of 2006 and their way of accessing the internet.

Overall, most people from the age of twenty-five to fourty-four are more likely to purchase these tickets via the Internet while people at the age of abow sixty-five seem to be less interested. There're about 55% of people from age twenty-five to fourty-four buy their tickets online in both Australia anf the UK. More than 45% of people abow sixty-five get their tickets in Australia and 40% in the UK and Malaysia. Malaysia, however, has the lowest percentage of online buyers from age twenty-five to fourty-four which is under 40%.

Nevertheless, most purchasers enjoy getting their tickets using desktop computers. About 65% people from Malaysia claimed to purchased by desktop computers. Only 40% get theirs using laptops and 30% from mobile phones. In the Uk, a little bit over 60% buying tickets using desktop computers, 30% using laptops and about 25% using mobile phones. Most common mean of access to buy tickets in Australia is still desktop computers which is at all most 60%. More than 40% of the buyers use laptop and about 20% use their mobile phones.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "The charts demonstrate" -> "The data presented in the charts illustrates"
    Explanation: "Data" is more precise than "charts" in this context, and "illustrates" is more academically appropriate than "demonstrate" when referring to visual representations of information.

  2. "selected groups of people" -> "specific demographic groups"
    Explanation: "Specific demographic groups" is more precise and formal, better fitting the academic style than the more general "selected groups of people."

  3. "prefer buying" -> "prefer to purchase"
    Explanation: "Prefer to purchase" is more formal and appropriate for academic writing than the simpler "prefer buying."

  4. "the first three months of 2006" -> "the initial three months of 2006"
    Explanation: "Initial" is more specific and formal than "first," which can sound too casual in academic contexts.

  5. "their way of accessing the internet" -> "their methods of accessing the internet"
    Explanation: "Methods" is more specific and formal than "way," which is too vague and informal for academic writing.

  6. "There’re" -> "There are"
    Explanation: "There are" is the correct form of contraction in formal writing, whereas "There’re" is a colloquialism.

  7. "abow" -> "above"
    Explanation: This is a simple spelling correction to ensure accuracy.

  8. "anf" -> "and"
    Explanation: Correcting a typographical error for clarity and professionalism.

  9. "abow" -> "above"
    Explanation: Another correction for the same reason as above.

  10. "get their tickets" -> "purchase their tickets"
    Explanation: "Purchase" is more formal and precise than "get," which is too casual for academic writing.

  11. "claimed to purchased" -> "claimed to have purchased"
    Explanation: Adding "have" corrects the grammatical error and aligns with formal writing standards.

  12. "a little bit over" -> "slightly more than"
    Explanation: "Slightly more than" is more precise and formal than "a little bit over," which is too colloquial.

  13. "at all most" -> "almost"
    Explanation: "Almost" is the correct adverbial form needed here, whereas "at all most" is incorrect.

  14. "at most" -> "at most"
    Explanation: This is a typographical correction to ensure consistency in the text.

These changes enhance the formal tone and precision of the text, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the main features of the charts, but it does not fully satisfy all the requirements of the task. The essay does not present a clear overview of the main trends, differences, or stages. For example, the essay states that "most people from the age of twenty-five to fourty-four are more likely to purchase these tickets via the Internet," but it does not provide any specific data to support this claim. The essay also does not make comparisons where relevant. For example, the essay states that "Malaysia, however, has the lowest percentage of online buyers from age twenty-five to fourty-four which is under 40%," but it does not compare this percentage to the percentages in Australia and the UK.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clearer overview of the main trends, differences, or stages. The essay could also be improved by making more comparisons where relevant. For example, the essay could compare the percentages of online buyers in each country for each age group. The essay could also compare the percentages of people who use different methods of accessing the internet to buy tickets.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, but there are noticeable issues with overall progression and clarity. While it attempts to compare the data from the charts, the lack of clear referencing and substitution leads to some repetitiveness. The use of cohesive devices is inadequate and at times inaccurate, which affects the flow of ideas. Additionally, paragraphing is present but not always logical, making it difficult for the reader to follow the argument effectively.
How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on improving the logical flow of ideas by clearly linking sentences and paragraphs. Using a wider range of cohesive devices appropriately can help avoid repetitiveness. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that information is sequenced logically will improve overall clarity. Finally, proofreading for grammatical errors and ensuring accurate terminology will strengthen the essay’s coherence.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary relevant to the task, such as "purchasing," "accessing," and "online buyers." However, it attempts to use less common vocabulary with some inaccuracies, such as "abow" instead of "above," and "forty-four" instead of "forty-four." There are also noticeable errors in spelling and word formation, such as "anf" instead of "and" and "purchasers" instead of "purchasing." These errors do not severely impede communication but do detract from the overall clarity and professionalism of the writing.

How to improve: To enhance the Lexical Resource score, the writer should focus on using a wider range of vocabulary accurately, ensuring correct spelling and word formation. Practicing synonyms and less common lexical items related to the topic could also help. Additionally, proofreading the essay for minor errors before submission would improve clarity and coherence.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, primarily using simple sentences with some attempts at complex structures. While the overall meaning is generally clear, frequent grammatical errors, such as "abow" instead of "above," "fourty-four" instead of "forty-four," and issues with subject-verb agreement (e.g., "most common mean" should be "most common means"), detract from the clarity of the writing. Additionally, punctuation errors and awkward phrasing (e.g., "there’re about 55% of people") can cause some difficulty for the reader. Overall, while the essay attempts to convey the information, the grammatical inaccuracies and limited variety in sentence structures prevent it from achieving a higher score.

How to improve:

  1. Expand Sentence Variety: Incorporate a wider range of sentence structures, including more complex sentences with subordinate clauses. This will demonstrate greater grammatical flexibility.
  2. Proofread for Errors: Take the time to carefully proofread the essay to catch and correct spelling mistakes, grammatical errors, and punctuation issues. This will enhance clarity and accuracy.
  3. Use Precise Language: Aim for more precise vocabulary and phrasing to improve the overall quality of the writing. For instance, replace informal phrases with more formal equivalents.
  4. Practice Grammar: Focus on specific areas of grammar that are problematic, such as subject-verb agreement and the correct use of articles, to reduce errors in future writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

The charts demonstrate how selected groups of people from three different countries preferred buying concert, cinema, and theatre tickets online over the first three months of 2006, as well as their methods of accessing the Internet.

Overall, most people aged twenty-five to forty-four are more likely to purchase these tickets via the Internet, while those aged above sixty-five seem to be less interested. Approximately 55% of individuals aged twenty-five to forty-four buy their tickets online in both Australia and the UK. More than 45% of people above sixty-five obtain their tickets in Australia, and 40% do so in the UK and Malaysia. Malaysia, however, has the lowest percentage of online buyers aged twenty-five to forty-four, which is under 40%.

Nevertheless, most purchasers prefer to obtain their tickets using desktop computers. About 65% of people in Malaysia reported purchasing tickets via desktop computers. Only 40% used laptops, and 30% used mobile phones. In the UK, just over 60% bought tickets using desktop computers, 30% used laptops, and about 25% used mobile phones. The most common means of access for buying tickets in Australia is also desktop computers, at nearly 60%. More than 40% of buyers use laptops, and about 20% use their mobile phones.

Bài viết liên quan

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more accessible. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more…

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