The charts below show information about the number of fish caught and the number of fishing boats used in Westhaven.

The bar charts show how much fish caught and the number of fishing boats in Westhaven from 2008 to 2011.
From 2008 to 2009, the number of Tuna and swordfish increased slightly. More specific, the amount of tuna rose just under 100K and the amount of swordfish went up considerably to reach around 105K. During the same period, the number of fishing boats also increased slightly. Particularly, there was under 70. However, the amount of boats went up considerably between 2010 and 2011 reached over 70. Beside that, the amount of swordfish grew gradually again to reach about 100K in 2011. In 2010, the number of swordfish dropped steadily just still around 80K. at the same time, the number of boat also declined slightly under 60. The highest number of tuna and swordfish are around 110K and over 105K. In contrast, the lowest number are less than 90K and under 50K sequentially.
Overall, the number of both fish increased steadily in period year except 2010, but the amount of fish appears to affect the number of boats.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"More specific" -> "To be more specific"
Explanation: Adding "to be" before "more specific" creates a grammatically correct structure, enhancing clarity and formality.
"considerably" -> "significantly"
Explanation: "Significantly" is a more precise and sophisticated term than "considerably," elevating the level of vocabulary and expressing a stronger impact.
"Beside that" -> "In addition"
Explanation: "In addition" is a more formal and appropriate transitional phrase to introduce additional information, enhancing coherence in the text.
"just still" -> "still"
Explanation: Removing "just" before "still" makes the sentence clearer and more concise, avoiding redundancy.
"under" -> "below"
Explanation: "Below" is a more formal and precise term to indicate a lower quantity or value, enhancing the academic tone of the essay.
"highest" -> "peak"
Explanation: "Peak" is a more sophisticated term than "highest," conveying the idea of reaching the maximum point more precisely.
"Overall" -> "In conclusion"
Explanation: "In conclusion" is a more appropriate phrase to summarize the main points of the essay, providing a smoother transition to the final thoughts.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

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Band Score: 6.0
Explanation:
The essay addresses the requirements of the task by describing the trends in fish caught and the number of fishing boats over the specified period. It presents an overview with information appropriately selected, covering the changes from 2008 to 2011. The key features, such as the increase in tuna and swordfish caught, as well as the fluctuations in the number of fishing boats, are highlighted adequately. However, some details may be irrelevant or inaccurate, such as stating that the number of fishing boats increased considerably from 2010 to 2011 when the actual increase was from just under 70 to over 70, which may not be considered considerable. Additionally, the essay lacks coherence in presenting the data, as some sentences are unclear or repetitive.
How to improve:

Ensure accuracy in presenting data and avoid overstating trends.
Work on improving coherence and clarity in sentence structures to enhance readability.
Provide a more balanced discussion of the data without unnecessary repetition or irrelevant details.
]

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation:
The essay presents information with some organization, as it introduces the topic and provides a general overview of the data. However, there is a lack of overall progression, with some ideas presented in a somewhat disjointed manner. There are attempts at using cohesive devices, such as transitional phrases like "From 2008 to 2009" and "During the same period," but they are used inconsistently and with some inaccuracies. Paragraphing is attempted, but it’s not always logically structured, leading to some confusion in the flow of ideas.

How to improve:

Organization: Ensure a clear and logical progression of ideas throughout the essay. Consider outlining the key points before writing to maintain coherence.
Cohesion: Use cohesive devices consistently and accurately to link ideas and sentences. This includes using appropriate transition words and phrases to guide the reader through the essay.
Paragraphing: Structure paragraphs logically, with each one focusing on a specific aspect of the data. This will help improve the overall readability and coherence of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary, with some repetition and basic word choices. While the essay attempts to describe the data, it lacks sophistication in lexical resource. Some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation are noticeable, such as "more specific" which could be replaced with a more precise phrase. There are also noticeable errors in word formation and spelling, such as "Beside that" instead of "Besides that". The essay relies on basic vocabulary and lacks the variety and precision expected at higher band levels.

How to improve:
To improve the lexical resource score, the writer should focus on expanding their vocabulary and using more varied and precise language. They could achieve this by incorporating synonyms, idiomatic expressions, and academic vocabulary related to the topic of fishing and data analysis. Additionally, careful proofreading to correct spelling and word formation errors would enhance clarity and readability.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, with some attempts at variety in sentence structure. There are instances of both simple sentences and more complex constructions, such as subordinate clauses and compound sentences. However, there are noticeable errors in grammar and punctuation throughout the essay, though they do not significantly hinder communication. For example, there are errors in subject-verb agreement ("the amount of tuna rose just under 100K") and punctuation errors ("However, the amount of boats went up considerably between 2010 and 2011 reached over 70").

How to improve:
To improve the grammatical range and accuracy, focus on achieving more consistency in sentence structure and ensuring accuracy in grammar and punctuation. Reviewing common grammatical rules and practicing punctuation usage can help reduce errors. Additionally, strive for clearer and more precise expression to enhance overall clarity and coherence.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided bar charts illustrate the quantity of fish caught and the utilization of fishing boats in Westhaven spanning the years 2008 to 2011.

Between 2008 and 2009, there was a marginal uptick in the catch of both Tuna and swordfish. Specifically, the quantity of tuna increased by just under 100,000 units, while the catch of swordfish experienced a considerable rise to approximately 105,000 units. Concurrently, the number of fishing boats also experienced a slight increase, with the count being just under 70 in 2009. However, there was a significant surge in the number of boats between 2010 and 2011, surpassing 70. Additionally, the quantity of swordfish witnessed a gradual growth, reaching about 100,000 in 2011. Conversely, in 2010, the catch of swordfish declined steadily, hovering around 80,000. During the same period, the number of boats also experienced a slight decline, falling just below 60.

The peak numbers for both tuna and swordfish were recorded around 110,000 and over 105,000, respectively, whereas the lowest figures were less than 90,000 and under 50,000, respectively, in consecutive order.

In summary, the quantity of both types of fish demonstrated a steady increase over the years, barring 2010. Notably, fluctuations in the fish catch seemed to have an impact on the number of boats utilized.