The charts below show information about three different deserts around the world. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main information and making comparisons.

The tables compare three deserts: Sahara, Taklimakan and Great Basin in three different continents in terms of size, rainfall, and temperature.
Overall, three deserts in different sizes have sparse rainfall, even the different amounts from the north to the south or from the east to the west, and the temperature swings between the summer and the winter.
In terms of size, the Sahara Desert in Africa is the largest with 9000000 square kilometers, thirty times as much as that of the Taklimakan Desert in Asia with 337600 square kilometers and the Great Basin Desert in North America with 305775 square kilometers.
Moreover, it can be seen that the Great Basin Desert has the highest average annual rainfall, up to 51 centimeters. In contrast, the Taklimakan Desert has the lowest rainfall with about 1 to 3.8 centimeters. In terms of temperature, the summer one in three deserts fluctuates about 25°C to 30°C. However, winters in the Sahara, with an average temperature of 13°C, are much warmer than in the other two deserts, where the average winter temperatures are -8°C and -9°C . Furthermore, the highest temperature recorded in the Sahara and the Taklimakan are almost the same 57°C and 58°C. The other extreme, the lowest recorded temperature is not shown for these two deserts, but it is shown for the Taklimakan -26.1°C.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"deserts: Sahara, Taklimakan and Great Basin" -> "deserts: the Sahara, Taklimakan, and the Great Basin"
Explanation: Adding definite articles ("the") before "Sahara" and "Great Basin" corrects the grammatical structure and enhances the formal tone by specifying the deserts more clearly.
"in three different continents" -> "across three continents"
Explanation: The phrase "across three continents" is more precise and commonly used in academic writing to describe geographical coverage, enhancing the formal tone and clarity.
"sparse rainfall" -> "limited rainfall"
Explanation: "Limited rainfall" is a more precise term in academic contexts, as it accurately describes the scarcity of rainfall without the colloquial connotation of "sparse," which can be vague and informal.
"even the different amounts from the north to the south or from the east to the west" -> "with varying amounts from north to south and east to west"
Explanation: The revised phrase "with varying amounts from north to south and east to west" is more concise and maintains the formal tone by avoiding the informal use of "even" and the awkward structure of the original phrase.
"the Sahara Desert in Africa" -> "the Sahara Desert, located in Africa"
Explanation: Adding "located in" provides a clearer and more formal way to specify the geographical location, enhancing the academic style of the sentence.
"thirty times as much as that of" -> "approximately thirty times larger than"
Explanation: "Approximately thirty times larger than" is more precise and formal, avoiding the awkward construction of "as much as that of," which can be confusing and informal.
"the Great Basin Desert in North America" -> "the Great Basin Desert, situated in North America"
Explanation: Adding "situated in" provides a more formal and precise description of the location, aligning better with academic standards.
"up to 51 centimeters" -> "approximately 51 centimeters"
Explanation: "Approximately" is more appropriate in academic writing as it acknowledges the possibility of slight variations in measurement, whereas "up to" can imply a range that may not be precise enough for scientific or academic purposes.
"the Taklimakan Desert has the lowest rainfall with about 1 to 3.8 centimeters" -> "the Taklimakan Desert receives the lowest rainfall, averaging 1 to 3.8 centimeters"
Explanation: "Receives the lowest rainfall, averaging" is more formal and precise, providing a clearer description of the rainfall pattern in the Taklimakan Desert.
"the summer one" -> "summer temperatures"
Explanation: "Summer temperatures" is more specific and formal than "the summer one," which is vague and informal.
"are much warmer" -> "are significantly warmer"
Explanation: "Significantly" is more precise and academically appropriate than "much," which can be seen as overly simplistic and informal.
"the highest temperature recorded" -> "the highest recorded temperature"
Explanation: Reordering the words to "the highest recorded temperature" improves the grammatical structure and clarity, aligning with formal academic writing standards.
"the other extreme" -> "the other extreme temperatures"
Explanation: Adding "temperatures" clarifies what is being referred to, enhancing the precision and formality of the statement.
"the lowest recorded temperature is not shown for these two deserts" -> "the lowest recorded temperatures for these two deserts are not provided"
Explanation: "The lowest recorded temperatures for these two deserts are not provided" is more formal and precise, avoiding the awkward and informal construction of "is not shown."

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay addresses the requirements of the task by providing an overview of the information in the charts. It presents information appropriately selected, such as the size of the deserts and the average annual rainfall. However, the essay does not fully highlight the key features/bullet points. For example, it mentions that the summer temperatures in all three deserts fluctuate between 25°C and 30°C, but it does not provide specific details about the average summer temperatures for each desert. Additionally, the essay includes some irrelevant details, such as the fact that the highest recorded temperatures in the Sahara and Taklimakan deserts are almost the same.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a more detailed overview of the information in the charts. The writer should focus on highlighting the key features/bullet points, such as the average summer and winter temperatures for each desert, and the range of rainfall in the Taklimakan Desert. The writer should also avoid including irrelevant details.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay presents information in a coherent manner with a clear overall progression. The main points regarding size, rainfall, and temperature of the three deserts are organized logically. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat mechanical, and there are instances where referencing could be clearer. Paragraphing is present but not always logical, as some ideas could be better grouped or separated for clarity.
How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on using a wider range of cohesive devices more naturally, ensuring that transitions between ideas flow smoothly. Additionally, improving the clarity of referencing (e.g., using pronouns or synonyms effectively) would help avoid repetition and confusion. Finally, organizing the information into more distinct paragraphs that each focus on a single aspect (size, rainfall, temperature) could improve overall clarity and logical progression.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary relevant to the task, allowing for clear communication of the main points regarding the three deserts. However, attempts to use less common vocabulary are present but not always accurate, leading to some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation. There are also a few errors in spelling and word formation, but these do not impede overall understanding. For example, phrases like "the summer one in three deserts" could be more clearly expressed, and the use of "the other extreme" is somewhat vague. Overall, while the vocabulary is sufficient for the task, it lacks the precision and sophistication expected at higher band levels.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should focus on expanding their vocabulary range and using more precise and varied word choices. Practicing the use of less common lexical items correctly and ensuring proper collocation will also help. Additionally, reviewing and correcting spelling and word formation errors will contribute to a clearer and more polished essay. Engaging with more complex texts and practicing paraphrasing can also aid in developing a more sophisticated vocabulary.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of Band 6. While there are some grammatical errors and awkward phrasing, they do not significantly hinder communication. The writer attempts to convey comparisons and contrasts effectively, but there are instances of imprecision and incorrect structure that detract from the overall clarity. For example, phrases like "three deserts in different sizes" and "the summer one in three deserts fluctuates" could be more clearly articulated. Additionally, the use of punctuation is generally correct, but there are moments where it could be improved for clarity.

How to improve:

Enhance Sentence Variety: Incorporate a wider range of complex structures and ensure that they are used accurately. This could involve varying sentence openings and using more subordinate clauses.
Focus on Clarity: Rephrase awkward or unclear sentences to improve overall readability. For instance, instead of "three deserts in different sizes," consider "the three deserts vary significantly in size."
Minimize Errors: Proofread the essay to catch minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. This will help in achieving a higher accuracy level.
Refine Punctuation: Pay attention to punctuation use, ensuring that it aids in the clarity of the writing rather than detracting from it.

Bài sửa mẫu

The tables compare three deserts: the Sahara, Taklimakan, and Great Basin, located in three different continents, in terms of size, rainfall, and temperature.

Overall, the three deserts vary in size and exhibit sparse rainfall, with differing amounts from north to south and from east to west, while the temperature fluctuates between summer and winter.

In terms of size, the Sahara Desert in Africa is the largest, covering 9,000,000 square kilometers, which is thirty times larger than the Taklimakan Desert in Asia, at 337,600 square kilometers, and the Great Basin Desert in North America, which spans 305,775 square kilometers.

Moreover, it can be observed that the Great Basin Desert has the highest average annual rainfall, reaching up to 51 centimeters. In contrast, the Taklimakan Desert experiences the lowest rainfall, with amounts ranging from approximately 1 to 3.8 centimeters. Regarding temperature, summer temperatures in all three deserts fluctuate between 25°C and 30°C. However, winters in the Sahara, with an average temperature of 13°C, are significantly warmer than in the other two deserts, where the average winter temperatures are -8°C and -9°C, respectively. Furthermore, the highest temperatures recorded in the Sahara and the Taklimakan are nearly identical, at 57°C and 58°C. The lowest recorded temperature is not provided for these two deserts, but for the Taklimakan, it is -26.1°C.