The charts below show local government expenditure in 2000 and 2010 Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant

The pie charts illustrate how much local government spent on various categories in 2000 and 2010. Overall, there was a decrease in government expenditure, except for pensions, welfare and interest on borrowing. In addition, spending on education and healthcare had the largest shares in both years.

Expenditures on education and healthcare which accounted for almost a half of the total budget of the government declined slightly, from 24% and 21% in 2000 to 21% and 20% in 2010 respectively. Similarly, the percentage of money spent on defense was 17% in 2000, followed by a drop to 14% in 2010, while the figure for pensions remained unchanged over the two years provided.

Regarding welfare, only 8% of the budget was spent on this category in 2000, with a doubling increase to 13% in 2010. Similar changes could be seen in the figure for interest on borrowing which also rose by 5% in 2010. Expenditures on transport, culture and leisure which were negligible both halved, both ending at 1%, while the figure for other categories which was the smallest in two years stabilized, also ending at the same share.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The pie charts illustrate" -> "The pie charts depict"
Explanation: "Depict" is a more formal and precise term than "illustrate" in academic contexts, enhancing the scholarly tone of the introduction.
"how much local government spent" -> "the extent to which local government expenditures"
Explanation: "The extent to which" provides a more formal and precise expression, suitable for academic writing, compared to the more casual "how much."
"except for pensions, welfare and interest on borrowing" -> "except for pensions, welfare, and interest on borrowing"
Explanation: Adding a comma after "welfare" corrects the punctuation, improving the sentence structure and clarity.
"spending on education and healthcare had the largest shares" -> "expenditures on education and healthcare comprised the largest proportions"
Explanation: "Comprised" is more precise and formal than "had," and "proportions" is academically appropriate compared to "shares," which can be vague.
"Expenditures on education and healthcare which accounted for almost a half of the total budget" -> "Expenditures on education and healthcare, which accounted for nearly half of the total budget"
Explanation: Adding a comma after "healthcare" corrects the punctuation, and "nearly" is a more precise quantifier than "almost" in formal writing.
"declined slightly" -> "decreased marginally"
Explanation: "Decreased marginally" is a more formal and precise term than "declined slightly," aligning better with academic style.
"the percentage of money spent" -> "the proportion of funds allocated"
Explanation: "Proportion of funds allocated" is more formal and specific than "percentage of money spent," fitting the academic context better.
"the figure for pensions remained unchanged" -> "the allocation for pensions remained constant"
Explanation: "Allocation" is more specific and formal than "figure," and "remained constant" is a more precise term than "remained unchanged."
"Similar changes could be seen in the figure for interest on borrowing" -> "Similar patterns were observed in the allocation for interest on borrowing"
Explanation: "Patterns were observed" is a more formal expression than "changes could be seen," and "allocation" is more specific than "figure."
"Expenditures on transport, culture and leisure which were negligible both halved" -> "Expenditures on transport, culture, and leisure, which were initially negligible, were reduced by half"
Explanation: Adding commas after "culture" and "leisure" corrects the punctuation, and "were reduced by half" is a clearer and more formal way of expressing "halved."
"the figure for other categories which was the smallest in two years stabilized" -> "the allocation for other categories, which was the smallest in both years, remained stable"
Explanation: "Remained stable" is a more formal and precise term than "stabilized," and "both years" corrects the ambiguity of "two years."

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay provides a clear overview of the main trends in local government expenditure between 2000 and 2010. It accurately identifies the key features of the data, such as the decrease in overall expenditure and the increase in spending on welfare and interest on borrowing. The essay also highlights the largest shares of the budget, which are education and healthcare. However, the essay could be more fully extended by providing more detailed analysis of the changes in expenditure for each category.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more detailed analysis of the changes in expenditure for each category. For example, the essay could state that spending on education decreased by 3% while spending on healthcare decreased by 1%. The essay could also provide more specific examples of the changes in expenditure, such as the fact that spending on welfare doubled between 2000 and 2010.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay presents information coherently and demonstrates a clear overall progression. The main features of the charts are summarized, and comparisons are made where relevant. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat mechanical, and there are instances where referencing could be clearer. Additionally, while paragraphing is present, it could be improved for better logical flow.
How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on using a wider range of cohesive devices more naturally, ensuring that transitions between sentences and paragraphs are smoother. Clarifying references (e.g., specifying what "this category" refers to) would also help. Furthermore, organizing the information into more distinct paragraphs that each focus on a specific aspect of the data would improve the overall structure.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary relevant to the task, effectively communicating the main features of the charts. It attempts to use less common vocabulary, such as "expenditures" and "negligible," but there are instances of inaccuracy and awkward phrasing (e.g., "doubling increase"). While the vocabulary used is generally appropriate, some errors in word choice and minor spelling issues are present, which do not significantly impede communication but do detract from the overall quality.
How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should aim to incorporate a wider range of sophisticated vocabulary and ensure precise word choice. They could also work on improving collocation and reducing errors in spelling and word formation. Furthermore, using varied sentence structures and expressions would help convey meanings more fluently and flexibly.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, effectively communicating the main features of the charts. However, there are some grammatical errors and awkward phrasing that occasionally hinder clarity. For example, phrases like "with a doubling increase" and "which were negligible both halved" could be clearer. While the majority of sentences are understandable, the presence of these errors suggests that the writer has not fully mastered the grammatical structures required for a higher band score.
How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on the following:

Vary Sentence Structures: Incorporate more complex sentence structures and ensure that they are used accurately.
Proofreading: Review the essay for grammatical errors and awkward phrasing to improve clarity.
Practice: Engage in exercises that focus on specific grammatical rules and sentence construction to build confidence and accuracy.
Seek Feedback: Obtain feedback from peers or instructors to identify persistent errors and areas for improvement.

Bài sửa mẫu

The pie charts illustrate local government expenditure across various categories in 2000 and 2010. Overall, there was a decrease in government spending, except for pensions, welfare, and interest on borrowing. Additionally, expenditures on education and healthcare represented the largest shares in both years.

Expenditures on education and healthcare, which accounted for almost half of the total government budget, declined slightly from 24% and 21% in 2000 to 21% and 20% in 2010, respectively. Similarly, the percentage of funds allocated to defense decreased from 17% in 2000 to 14% in 2010, while the figure for pensions remained unchanged over the two years.

In terms of welfare, only 8% of the budget was allocated to this category in 2000, which doubled to 13% in 2010. A similar trend was observed in the figure for interest on borrowing, which also rose by 5% in 2010. Expenditures on transport, culture, and leisure, which were negligible, halved, ending at 1% each, while the figure for other categories, the smallest in both years, stabilized, also concluding at the same share.