The charts below show the differences in how people in 3 countries learned English in 2010 and 2015

The given charts illustrate the percentage of English learning methods of people in three countries in two years 2010 and 2015. Overall, evening class was the go-to option for most people in three countries during the investigated period. Furthermore, people who learnt online saw a significant growth while the figure for studying abroad witnessed eligible changes in the time frame.

To begin with most popular method, in 2010, 94% of people in country C chose to learn evening class while that of country B occupied 72% which was only 2% higher than the figure for country A. However, the approach showed a downward trajectory in both three nations albeit to varying extents, with a decline of 24% in country B, 12% in country C and 3% in country A.

Regarding other methods, three countries saw a small proportion of online learners, with below 10% in the beginning period, while one-fourth of country A and one-fifth of country B studied English overseas. In 2015, online learning experienced a considerable climb, rising twofold in country A and fourfold in country B and 9% in country C. Additionally, people who studied in foreign countries decreased slightly from 25% to 23%, whereas the data of country B remained stable at exactly 20% and the emergence of this approach in country C accounted for 3%.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The given charts illustrate" -> "The charts depict"
Explanation: "Depict" is a more precise and formal term than "illustrate" in academic contexts, enhancing the scholarly tone of the introduction.
"the go-to option" -> "the preferred method"
Explanation: "The go-to option" is colloquial and informal. "The preferred method" is more formal and suitable for academic writing.
"people who learnt" -> "individuals who learned"
Explanation: "Learned" should be used as the past participle in this context, and "individuals" is more formal than "people."
"eligible changes" -> "significant changes"
Explanation: "Eligible" is incorrectly used here; "significant" correctly conveys the intended meaning of substantial or notable changes.
"most popular method" -> "most prevalent method"
Explanation: "Prevalent" is more precise and formal than "popular," which can sound informal in academic writing.
"chose to learn" -> "opted to learn"
Explanation: "Opted" is more formal and precise than "chose," aligning better with academic style.
"only 2% higher" -> "only 2 percentage points higher"
Explanation: Adding "percentage points" clarifies that the comparison is between percentages, enhancing the precision of the statement.
"a downward trajectory" -> "a decline"
Explanation: "A decline" is a more straightforward and academically appropriate term than "a downward trajectory," which can be seen as overly dramatic.
"a small proportion of online learners" -> "a relatively small proportion of online learners"
Explanation: Adding "relatively" provides a more precise comparison, indicating that the proportion is small compared to other methods.
"below 10%" -> "less than 10%"
Explanation: "Less than" is a more standard and formal way to express a comparison with a percentage.
"one-fourth" -> "a quarter"
Explanation: "A quarter" is a more formal and precise term than "one-fourth" in academic writing.
"considerable climb" -> "substantial increase"
Explanation: "Substantial increase" is more formal and precise than "considerable climb," which can be seen as colloquial.
"rising twofold" -> "increasing by a factor of two"
Explanation: "Increasing by a factor of two" is a more precise and formal way to describe a twofold increase.
"fourfold" -> "four times"
Explanation: "Four times" is clearer and more direct than "fourfold," which can be less commonly understood in academic texts.
"the emergence of this approach" -> "the adoption of this approach"
Explanation: "Adoption" is more specific and appropriate in the context of taking up a method, compared to the more general "emergence."

These changes enhance the formal tone and precision of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7

Explanation: The essay provides a clear overview of the main trends in the data, highlighting the significant increase in online learning and the decrease in evening classes. The essay also presents key features of the data, such as the high percentage of people who chose evening classes in 2010 and the emergence of online learning as a popular method in 2015. However, the essay could be more fully extended by providing more detailed analysis of the changes in each country.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more detailed analysis of the changes in each country. For example, the essay could discuss the reasons for the decline in evening classes or the reasons for the increase in online learning. The essay could also provide more specific examples of the data to support its claims.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay arranges information and ideas coherently, presenting a clear overall progression. The introduction effectively summarizes the data, and the body paragraphs logically discuss the trends in learning methods across the three countries. However, while cohesive devices are used, there are instances where cohesion is mechanical or unclear, particularly in the transitions between ideas. Additionally, the paragraphing is present but could be improved for better clarity and logical flow.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on enhancing the use of cohesive devices to ensure smoother transitions between sentences and ideas. More varied and sophisticated linking words could help improve the flow. Furthermore, ensuring that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that all ideas within the paragraph relate directly to that topic would strengthen the overall coherence. Lastly, refining the structure of paragraphs to clearly delineate different aspects of the data would enhance clarity.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary suitable for the task. It attempts to use less common vocabulary, such as "downward trajectory" and "considerable climb," but there are instances of inaccuracy in word choice and collocation, such as "eligible changes" which is not a standard phrase in this context. Additionally, there are some errors in spelling and word formation, such as "the approach showed a downward trajectory in both three nations," which could be more clearly expressed. While these errors do not severely impede communication, they do detract from the overall clarity and precision of the essay.

How to improve:
To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should focus on using more precise vocabulary and ensuring that less common lexical items are used correctly. Additionally, minimizing spelling and word formation errors will help improve clarity. Expanding the range of vocabulary and employing synonyms can also contribute to a more sophisticated expression of ideas. Lastly, reviewing collocations and common phrases in English can help avoid inaccuracies in word choice.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of a Band 6. While there is an attempt to use various structures, there are noticeable grammatical errors and issues with punctuation that occasionally hinder clarity. For instance, phrases like "the approach showed a downward trajectory in both three nations" could be more clearly articulated. Additionally, the use of "eligible changes" is incorrect in this context, which detracts from the overall accuracy.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on increasing the range of complex sentence structures while ensuring accuracy in grammar and punctuation. Reducing the frequency of errors and improving clarity in expression will enhance the overall quality of the essay. Practicing more sophisticated sentence constructions and proofreading for grammatical accuracy can also help in achieving a better score.

Bài sửa mẫu

The given charts illustrate the percentage of English learning methods used by people in three countries in the years 2010 and 2015. Overall, evening classes were the preferred option for most individuals in the three countries during the investigated period. Furthermore, the number of people learning online saw significant growth, while the figure for studying abroad experienced notable changes within the timeframe.

To begin with the most popular method, in 2010, 94% of people in country C chose to learn through evening classes, while country B accounted for 72%, which was only 2% higher than the figure for country A. However, this approach showed a downward trend in all three nations, albeit to varying extents, with a decline of 24% in country B, 12% in country C, and 3% in country A.

Regarding other methods, all three countries had a small proportion of online learners, with less than 10% in the initial period, while one-fourth of country A and one-fifth of country B studied English overseas. In 2015, online learning experienced a considerable increase, rising twofold in country A, fourfold in country B, and 9% in country C. Additionally, the number of people studying in foreign countries decreased slightly from 25% to 23%, whereas the figure for country B remained stable at exactly 20%, and the emergence of this approach in country C accounted for 3%.