The charts below show the differences in how people in 3 countries learned English in 2010 and 2015.

The pie charts illustrate the percentage of people who used 3 methods to learn English in three countries between 2010 and 2015.

Overall, while the percentage of people attending evening class to learn English saw a decrease, the opposite was true for the online class. Moreover, evening class was the most popular method to learn English.

Regarding country A in 2010, the proportion of people participating in evening class was 70%, before dropping to 67% 5 years later. As for country B, 72% of people took part in offline class, after which it saw a steep decrease to 48% in 2015. Moreover, the percentage of individuals going to evening course in country C was the highest among three countries at 94%, before witnessing a moderate declined to 82%

In comparison, in the country A and C experienced a doubling of students attending online English courses from 5% to 10% and 6% to 15% respectively. Specifically, a large increase in online attendance was witnessed in country B, rising four-fold to 32% in 2015. Furthermore, about 25% of people who studied overseas in country A and B in the 5-year period. Another striking change was the introduction of studying abroad as an option in country C, which accounted for 3% of learners in 2015.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Overall, while the percentage of people attending evening class to learn English saw a decrease, the opposite was true for the online class." -> "Overall, while the proportion of individuals attending evening classes decreased, the opposite was true for online classes."
Explanation: Replacing "percentage of people attending evening class" with "proportion of individuals attending evening classes" corrects the grammatical structure and uses "classes" instead of "class" to be more precise and plural. Also, "online class" should be "online classes" to maintain consistency in plural form.
"Moreover, evening class was the most popular method to learn English." -> "Moreover, evening classes remained the most popular method for learning English."
Explanation: Changing "was" to "remained" clarifies the ongoing nature of the trend, and "for learning English" is a more formal and precise phrase than "to learn English."
"Regarding country A in 2010, the proportion of people participating in evening class was 70%, before dropping to 67% 5 years later." -> "In 2010, Country A reported a proportion of 70% of individuals participating in evening classes, which decreased to 67% five years later."
Explanation: "Regarding" is somewhat informal and vague; "In" is more direct and formal. Also, "participating in evening class" is corrected to "participating in evening classes" for plural consistency, and "before dropping" is replaced with "which decreased" for a more formal tone.
"Moreover, the percentage of individuals going to evening course in country C was the highest among three countries at 94%, before witnessing a moderate declined to 82%"
-> "Moreover, the proportion of individuals attending evening courses in Country C was the highest at 94%, subsequently decreasing to 82%"
Explanation: "going to evening course" is corrected to "attending evening courses" for grammatical accuracy and plural consistency. "Moderate declined" is corrected to "decreasing" for grammatical correctness and clarity.
"In comparison, in the country A and C experienced a doubling of students attending online English courses from 5% to 10% and 6% to 15% respectively." -> "In comparison, Countries A and C saw a doubling of students attending online English courses, from 5% to 10% in Country A and from 6% to 15% in Country C."
Explanation: The original sentence lacks clarity and proper punctuation. The revised version corrects these issues and clarifies the comparison between the two countries.
"Specifically, a large increase in online attendance was witnessed in country B, rising four-fold to 32% in 2015." -> "Specifically, Country B witnessed a significant four-fold increase in online attendance, reaching 32% in 2015."
Explanation: "a large increase" is replaced with "a significant four-fold increase" to provide more precise language, and "was witnessed" is replaced with "witnessed" to improve the flow and formality of the sentence.
"Furthermore, about 25% of people who studied overseas in country A and B in the 5-year period." -> "Furthermore, approximately 25% of individuals who studied abroad in Countries A and B over the 5-year period."
Explanation: "people" is replaced with "individuals" for formality, and "studied overseas" is corrected to "studied abroad" for more precise terminology. "in the 5-year period" is replaced with "over the 5-year period" for a more formal and academic tone.
"Another striking change was the introduction of studying abroad as an option in country C, which accounted for 3% of learners in 2015." -> "Another notable change was the introduction of studying abroad as an option in Country C, which accounted for 3% of learners in 2015."
Explanation: "striking change" is replaced with "notable change" to maintain a more academic tone, and "Country C" is capitalized for proper noun consistency.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the main trends in the data, but it does not fully extend the key features. For example, the essay states that "the percentage of individuals going to evening course in country C was the highest among three countries at 94%, before witnessing a moderate declined to 82%," but it does not provide any further details about this trend.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more detailed information about the key features of the data. For example, the essay could discuss the reasons for the changes in the popularity of different methods of learning English. The essay could also provide more specific examples to illustrate the trends in the data.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay presents information and ideas in a coherent manner, with a clear overall progression from the introduction to the body paragraphs. It effectively uses cohesive devices, such as "overall," "regarding," and "in comparison," to connect ideas. However, there are instances where cohesion within and between sentences could be improved, leading to a somewhat mechanical flow. The paragraphing is present but not always logical, as some ideas could be better grouped together for clarity.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on improving the logical flow of ideas within paragraphs. This can be achieved by ensuring that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that related ideas are grouped together. Additionally, varying the use of cohesive devices and ensuring they are used appropriately will help avoid any mechanical feel. Finally, refining paragraph structure to ensure each one logically progresses from the previous one will contribute to a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary suitable for the task, effectively conveying the main trends and comparisons between the three countries. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, such as "evening class" instead of "evening classes" and "witnessing a moderate declined" which should be "decline." Additionally, there are minor errors in spelling and word formation, such as "course" instead of "classes," which detract from the overall clarity of the essay but do not impede communication.

How to improve: To enhance the Lexical Resource score, the writer should aim to use a wider range of vocabulary, including more sophisticated and less common lexical items. Paying attention to collocation and ensuring grammatical accuracy in word forms will also help improve clarity. Additionally, incorporating synonyms and varying sentence structures can demonstrate greater flexibility and precision in vocabulary usage.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of a Band 6. There are some grammatical errors and punctuation issues present, such as "before witnessing a moderate declined" (should be "decline") and "the country A and C experienced" (should be "countries A and C"). However, these errors do not significantly impede communication. The overall structure of the essay is clear, and the main points are conveyed effectively.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on increasing the range and accuracy of grammatical structures. This can be done by incorporating more complex sentences and ensuring that all grammatical forms are used correctly. Additionally, proofreading for minor errors in grammar and punctuation will enhance the overall clarity and professionalism of the writing. Expanding the use of varied sentence structures and reducing the frequency of errors will help in moving towards a Band 7 or higher.

Bài sửa mẫu

The pie charts illustrate the percentage of people who used three methods to learn English in three countries between 2010 and 2015.

Overall, while the percentage of people attending evening classes to learn English saw a decrease, the opposite was true for online classes. Moreover, evening classes remained the most popular method for learning English.

Regarding country A in 2010, the proportion of people participating in evening classes was 70%, before dropping to 67% five years later. In country B, 72% of people took part in offline classes, which then experienced a steep decrease to 48% in 2015. Additionally, the percentage of individuals attending evening courses in country C was the highest among the three countries at 94%, before witnessing a moderate decline to 82%.

In comparison, countries A and C experienced a doubling of students attending online English courses, increasing from 5% to 10% and from 6% to 15% respectively. Specifically, a significant increase in online attendance was observed in country B, rising four-fold to 32% in 2015. Furthermore, about 25% of people studied overseas in countries A and B during the five-year period. Another notable change was the introduction of studying abroad as an option in country C, which accounted for 3% of learners in 2015.