The charts below show the percentage of food and goods bought from supermarkets in European countries in 1998 and 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart bar illustrates the proportion of food and other products purchased from supermarkets in three European countries in two separate years, namely 1998 and 2008.
Overview, all countries have a clear upward trend in supermarkets sales across. Notably, although country B had the highest percentage of food and goods bought from supermarkets in 1998, country A had surpassed it by 2008.
In term of sales, Country B purchased around 23 percent of its food from supermarkets in the first years, followed by a slight rise of 5 percent over the next decade. In contrast, country A experienced a significant increase, with supermarkets food purchased rising from 10 percent in 1998 to 35 percent in 2008, exceeding country B. At the same time, Country C’s food sales remain lowest , making up less than 10 percent both years, even though there was a small rise.
With other products followed a similar trend. In 1998, Country B was at the forefront, with nearly 25 percent of supermarkets sales, which more than 5 times amount for country A. Yet 2008, country A had risen significantly, reaching almost 40 percent, surpassing the slower growth in country B to about 27 percent. Meanwhile, Country C still had the lowest figures. It seems like Country C has not changed at all, even though in 2008, the percentage of other goods was dramatically rising compared to last decade.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Overview, all countries have a clear upward trend in supermarkets sales across." -> "Overall, all countries exhibit a clear upward trend in supermarket sales across."
Explanation: "Overview" is not typically used as a transitional phrase in academic writing. "Overall" is more appropriate and formal. Also, "supermarkets sales" should be "supermarket sales" for grammatical correctness and clarity.
"In term of sales" -> "In terms of sales"
Explanation: "In term" is a typographical error. The correct phrase is "In terms of," which is necessary for grammatical correctness and clarity.
"food and goods bought from supermarkets" -> "food and goods purchased from supermarkets"
Explanation: "Bought" is less formal than "purchased," which is more suitable for academic writing.
"slight rise of 5 percent" -> "a 5% increase"
Explanation: "A slight rise of 5 percent" is somewhat informal and verbose. "A 5% increase" is concise and maintains the formality of the text.
"experienced a significant increase, with supermarkets food purchased rising" -> "experienced a significant increase, with supermarket food purchases rising"
Explanation: "supermarkets food purchased" is awkward and unclear. "Supermarket food purchases" is grammatically correct and clearer.
"At the same time, Country C’s food sales remain lowest" -> "Simultaneously, Country C’s food sales remained the lowest"
Explanation: "At the same time" is informal and vague. "Simultaneously" is more precise and formal. Also, "remain lowest" should be "remained the lowest" for grammatical correctness.
"making up less than 10 percent both years" -> "comprising less than 10% in both years"
Explanation: "making up" is informal and vague. "Comprising" is more precise and formal, and the percent sign should be used with a zero after the decimal point for clarity.
"With other products followed a similar trend." -> "Other products also followed a similar trend."
Explanation: The phrase "With other products" is vague and informal. "Other products also" is clearer and more direct.
"more than 5 times amount for country A" -> "more than five times that of Country A"
Explanation: "more than 5 times amount for country A" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. "More than five times that of Country A" is grammatically correct and clearer.
"Yet 2008, country A had risen significantly" -> "Yet in 2008, Country A had risen significantly"
Explanation: "Yet" should be "Yet in" to correctly introduce the year, and "Country A" should be capitalized to maintain consistency in capitalization.
"surpassing the slower growth in country B to about 27 percent" -> "surpassing the slower growth in Country B, reaching approximately 27%"
Explanation: "to about 27 percent" is informal and slightly unclear. "Reaching approximately 27%" is more precise and formal.
"It seems like Country C has not changed at all" -> "It appears that Country C has not changed"
Explanation: "It seems like" is informal and less precise. "It appears that" is more formal and academically appropriate.
"even though in 2008, the percentage of other goods was dramatically rising" -> "despite a dramatic increase in other goods in 2008"
Explanation: "even though in 2008, the percentage of other goods was dramatically rising" is verbose and informal. "Despite a dramatic increase in other goods in 2008" is concise and maintains formality.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the main trends in the data, but it does not fully satisfy all the requirements of the task. The essay does not present a clear overview of the main trends, differences or stages. The essay also presents and adequately highlights key features/ bullet points, but details may be irrelevant, inappropriate or inaccurate.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clearer overview of the main trends in the data. The essay could also be improved by providing more accurate and relevant details. For example, the essay states that "Country C’s food sales remain lowest , making up less than 10 percent both years, even though there was a small rise." However, the chart shows that Country C’s food sales increased from around 5% in 1998 to around 8% in 2008. The essay could also be improved by using more precise language. For example, instead of saying "Country B was at the forefront, with nearly 25 percent of supermarkets sales, which more than 5 times amount for country A," the essay could say "Country B had the highest percentage of supermarket sales in 1998, with nearly 25%, which was more than five times the amount for Country A."

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay arranges information and ideas coherently, demonstrating a clear overall progression. However, while it uses cohesive devices effectively, there are instances where cohesion within and between sentences is faulty or mechanical. For example, phrases like "with other products followed a similar trend" could be better articulated for clarity. The paragraphing is present but not always logical, as some points could be more effectively grouped together for clarity.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on refining the use of cohesive devices to ensure they contribute to a smoother flow of ideas. Additionally, improving paragraph structure by grouping related information together and ensuring each paragraph has a clear central topic would strengthen the overall organization. Finally, proofreading for grammatical accuracy and clarity in phrasing would help eliminate any mechanical or awkward constructions.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary relevant to the task, with some attempts to use less common lexical items. However, there are noticeable inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, such as "the chart bar" instead of "the bar chart," and phrases like "in term of sales" which should be "in terms of sales." While the vocabulary used does not impede communication, errors in spelling and word formation are present, such as "remain lowest" instead of "remained the lowest." Overall, the vocabulary is sufficient for the task but lacks the precision and sophistication required for a higher band score.

How to improve: To enhance the Lexical Resource score, the writer should focus on:

Expanding Vocabulary: Incorporate a wider range of vocabulary, especially less common lexical items, to convey precise meanings.
Improving Word Choice: Ensure that word choices are appropriate and collocations are used correctly. For example, using "the bar chart" instead of "the chart bar."
Minimizing Errors: Pay attention to spelling and grammatical structures to reduce errors that could distract the reader.
Varying Sentence Structures: Use varied sentence structures to demonstrate flexibility in language use, which can also enhance the overall quality of the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of a Band 6 score. While there are some attempts at complex structures, the overall grammatical accuracy is inconsistent. Errors in grammar and punctuation are present, such as "In term of sales" (should be "In terms of sales") and "Country C’s food sales remain lowest" (should be "remained the lowest"). These errors, while not severely hindering communication, do detract from the overall clarity and professionalism of the writing.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on the following areas:

Increase Sentence Variety: Incorporate a wider range of complex sentence structures and ensure they are used accurately.
Proofreading: Carefully check for grammatical errors and punctuation mistakes to reduce their frequency.
Clarity and Precision: Aim for clearer expression of ideas, ensuring that comparisons and trends are articulated without ambiguity.

Bài sửa mẫu

The bar chart illustrates the proportion of food and other products purchased from supermarkets in three European countries in two separate years, namely 1998 and 2008.

Overall, all countries exhibit a clear upward trend in supermarket sales over the decade. Notably, although Country B had the highest percentage of food and goods bought from supermarkets in 1998, Country A surpassed it by 2008.

In terms of food sales, Country B purchased around 23 percent of its food from supermarkets in the first year, followed by a slight rise of 5 percent over the next decade. In contrast, Country A experienced a significant increase, with supermarket food purchases rising from 10 percent in 1998 to 35 percent in 2008, thereby exceeding Country B. At the same time, Country C’s food sales remained the lowest, accounting for less than 10 percent in both years, despite a small increase.

Sales of other products followed a similar trend. In 1998, Country B was at the forefront, with nearly 25 percent of supermarket sales, which was more than five times the amount for Country A. However, by 2008, Country A had risen significantly, reaching almost 40 percent, surpassing the slower growth in Country B, which increased to about 27 percent. Meanwhile, Country C still had the lowest figures, indicating that it had not changed significantly at all; even though in 2008, the percentage of other goods showed a dramatic rise compared to the previous decade.