The charts below show the percentage of food and goods bought from supermarkets in European countries in 1998 and 2008.

The given diagrams illutrated the proportion of grocers such as goods and foods that were bought in supermarkets during the period of ten years starting from 1998.
Overall, there was a clear upward trend in supermarket sales across all countries, regardless of the type of product. Noteworthy is the proportion of items in country B were the highest of both goods and food in 1998 until it was taken down by country A in 2008.
In 1998, 23% of the consumables were purchased in supermarkets in country B and increased a negligible amount of 5% by the end of the period. Along with the data given by country B, Country A followed up with a solid 10% in 1998 in foods that were bought in stores and tripled the past amount, which went up to 35% in 2008. Subsequently, country C held the lowest proportion of out of the three countries and stayed below 10% the entire given period.
A comparable pattern emerged in the sale of goods. At first, Country B led with nearly a quarter of a 100% and modestly went up to 26 % by 2008. The portion was also followed by country A in 1998 with just a third of 10 %, surprisingly, the data went rocket to almost 40% in 2008 and became the country with the highest proportion of goods that were bought in supermarkets that year. Finaly is country C remain as the lowest proportion of goods bought in supermarkets, with figures increased from just 2% to nearly 15%

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"illutrated" -> "illustrated"
Explanation: This is a typographical error that needs correction for clarity and professionalism.
"the proportion of grocers such as goods and foods" -> "the proportion of grocery items, including goods and food"
Explanation: "Grocers" refers to retailers, not items. "Grocery items" is more accurate, and "including" is clearer than "such as."
"during the period of ten years starting from 1998" -> "over a ten-year period beginning in 1998"
Explanation: "Over a ten-year period" is more concise and formal than "during the period of ten years," and "beginning in" is more precise than "starting from."
"Noteworthy is the proportion of items in country B were the highest of both goods and food" -> "Noteworthy is that the proportion of items in country B was the highest for both goods and food"
Explanation: The original phrase lacks grammatical correctness; "were" should be "was" for subject-verb agreement, and "for" is more appropriate than "of."
"until it was taken down by country A in 2008" -> "until it was surpassed by country A in 2008"
Explanation: "Surpassed" is a more precise term than "taken down," which can imply a more aggressive action.
"increased a negligible amount of 5%" -> "increased by a modest 5%"
Explanation: "Negligible amount" suggests insignificance, while "modest" conveys a small yet meaningful increase.
"followed up with a solid 10% in 1998 in foods that were bought in stores" -> "achieved a substantial 10% in 1998 for food purchases in stores"
Explanation: "Achieved" is more formal than "followed up with," and "substantial" conveys a stronger sense of significance than "solid."
"tripled the past amount" -> "tripled this figure"
Explanation: "This figure" is clearer and more specific than "the past amount," which is vague.
"held the lowest proportion of out of the three countries" -> "held the lowest proportion among the three countries"
Explanation: "Among" is the correct preposition to indicate comparison within a group.
"nearly a quarter of a 100%" -> "nearly 25%"
Explanation: "Nearly a quarter of a 100%" is unnecessarily complex; "nearly 25%" is clearer and more precise.
"surprisingly, the data went rocket to almost 40%" -> "notably, the data surged to nearly 40%"
Explanation: "Notably" is more formal than "surprisingly," and "surged" is a more appropriate verb than "went rocket."
"Finaly is country C remain as the lowest proportion" -> "Finally, country C remained the country with the lowest proportion"
Explanation: "Finally" is misspelled, and "remained the country with" clarifies the comparison.
"with figures increased from just 2% to nearly 15%" -> "with figures increasing from just 2% to nearly 15%"
Explanation: "Increasing" is the correct form to maintain parallel structure and clarity.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5

Explanation: The essay provides a general overview of the data, but it does not fully address all the requirements of the task. The essay does not present a clear overview of the main trends, differences, or stages. The essay also does not adequately cover all key features/bullet points. For example, the essay does not mention that the percentage of food bought in supermarkets in Country A increased from 10% in 1998 to 35% in 2008.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clearer overview of the main trends, differences, or stages. The essay could also be improved by providing more detail about the key features/bullet points. For example, the essay could mention that the percentage of food bought in supermarkets in Country A increased from 10% in 1998 to 35% in 2008. The essay could also be improved by using more precise language. For example, instead of saying "a negligible amount of 5%," the essay could say "increased by 5%."

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, but there is a noticeable lack of overall progression. While it attempts to compare data across countries and years, the transitions between ideas are often unclear, leading to confusion. The use of cohesive devices is inadequate and at times inaccurate, such as "surprisingly" and "finaly," which detracts from the clarity of the argument. Additionally, paragraphing is not effectively utilized, as the essay lacks distinct sections for different points, making it difficult for the reader to follow the flow of information.

How to improve:

Enhance Overall Structure: Clearly define paragraphs for each country or type of product to improve logical flow.
Use Cohesive Devices Effectively: Employ a wider range of cohesive devices to link ideas smoothly and avoid repetition.
Clarify Comparisons: Ensure that comparisons between countries are clearly articulated and supported with appropriate data.
Proofread for Errors: Correct spelling and grammatical errors (e.g., "illutrated," "finaly") to enhance professionalism and readability.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While it attempts to convey the information from the charts, the use of vocabulary is often repetitive and lacks sophistication. There are noticeable errors in spelling (e.g., "illutrated," "grocers," "finaly") and word formation (e.g., "went rocket"), which may cause some difficulty for the reader. Additionally, the essay shows some awareness of lexical items relevant to the topic, but the inaccuracies in word choice and collocation detract from overall clarity.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should aim to expand their vocabulary by incorporating a wider range of synonyms and less common lexical items. They should also focus on improving spelling and ensuring correct word formation. Practicing the use of collocations and varying sentence structures can help convey precise meanings more effectively. Reading more academic texts and practicing paraphrasing can also contribute to a richer vocabulary.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, primarily relying on simple sentences. While there are attempts at more complex sentences, these often lack accuracy, leading to frequent grammatical errors. For instance, phrases such as "the proportion of items in country B were the highest" should use "was" instead of "were." Additionally, punctuation errors are present, such as missing commas and incorrect spacing before percentages. These issues can cause some difficulty for the reader in understanding the intended meaning.

How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on using a wider variety of sentence structures, including more complex forms. Practicing the correct use of subject-verb agreement and punctuation will also help reduce errors. Furthermore, proofreading for common mistakes and refining sentence construction can improve clarity and coherence in the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

The given diagrams illustrate the proportion of groceries, including goods and food, that were purchased in supermarkets over a ten-year period starting from 1998. Overall, there was a clear upward trend in supermarket sales across all countries, regardless of the type of product. Notably, the proportion of items in country B was the highest for both goods and food in 1998, until it was surpassed by country A in 2008.

In 1998, 23% of consumables were purchased in supermarkets in country B, which increased by a modest 5% by the end of the period. Following country B, country A had a solid 10% of food purchases in supermarkets in 1998, which tripled to 35% in 2008. Subsequently, country C maintained the lowest proportion among the three countries, remaining below 10% throughout the entire period.

A comparable pattern emerged in the sale of goods. Initially, country B led with nearly a quarter of the total sales, modestly increasing to 26% by 2008. Country A followed in 1998 with just 10%, but surprisingly, this figure skyrocketed to almost 40% in 2008, making it the country with the highest proportion of goods purchased in supermarkets that year. Finally, country C remained the lowest in terms of goods bought in supermarkets, with figures rising from just 2% to nearly 15%.