The charts below show the percentage of male and female workers in country A and country B. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The given pie charts illustrate the proportion of labourers( men and women) working in 3 various fields namely services, agriculture and industry in countries A and B.
It is clear that the percentage of people working in services in country A took the lead followed by agriculture and industry was the field with the least number of workers. Furthermore, in country B, the figure for people working in services was also the most occupied followed by the industry and agriculture was the least selected field.
As can be seen from the charts, in country A, the percentage of workers working in the services sector were more than half with 56% of male and 49% of female. Moreover, the figure for females who took part in agriculture was more than male with 43% and 29% regarding. The proportion for female participating in industry was nearly doubled male with 8% and 15% regardingly.
Regarding the remaining figure, in country B, agriculture was the main field with a large number of participants and the figures for women were 65% and men were 88%. Beside, industry was the second highest field with 11% of female compared to higher percentage of 32% of male. Agriculture was the least chosen sector with only 3% of male and 1% of female.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"labourers( men and women)" -> "workers (male and female)"
Explanation: "Labourers" is a less common term in modern English and can be replaced with "workers" for clarity and formality. Also, using "male and female" instead of "men and women" is more precise and formal in academic writing.
"working in 3 various fields" -> "working in three distinct fields"
Explanation: "Various" is somewhat vague and informal; "distinct" is more precise and formal, suitable for academic writing.
"the percentage of people working in services in country A took the lead" -> "the proportion of workers in the services sector in Country A was the highest"
Explanation: "Took the lead" is an idiomatic expression that is too informal for academic writing. "Was the highest" is straightforward and maintains a formal tone.
"industry was the field with the least number of workers" -> "industry was the sector with the smallest workforce"
Explanation: "Field" is less specific than "sector," which is more commonly used in economic and academic contexts to describe industries. "Smallest workforce" is more precise than "least number of workers."
"the figure for people working in services was also the most occupied" -> "the proportion of workers in the services sector was also the largest"
Explanation: "Most occupied" is an informal and unclear term. "Largest" is clear and appropriate for formal writing.
"the industry and agriculture was the least selected field" -> "industry and agriculture were the least selected sectors"
Explanation: "Was" should be "were" to agree with the plural subjects "industry and agriculture." Also, "sectors" is the correct term for industries in a formal context.
"the percentage of workers working in the services sector were more than half with 56% of male and 49% of female." -> "the proportion of workers in the services sector exceeded 50%, with 56% of males and 49% of females."
Explanation: "Were more than half" is awkwardly phrased and informal; "exceeded 50%" is more precise and formal. "Male" and "female" should be "males" and "females" to maintain grammatical correctness.
"the figure for females who took part in agriculture was more than male with 43% and 29% regarding." -> "the proportion of female workers in agriculture exceeded that of males, with 43% and 29%, respectively."
Explanation: "More than male" is grammatically incorrect; "exceeded that of males" corrects this. "Regarding" is incorrectly used as a conjunction; "respectively" is the correct term for listing items in parallel structure.
"Beside, industry was the second highest field with 11% of female compared to higher percentage of 32% of male." -> "Additionally, industry was the second-highest sector, with 11% of females compared to 32% of males."
Explanation: "Beside" is an adverbial form that is too informal and vague; "Additionally" is more appropriate for formal writing. "Female" should be "females" for grammatical agreement, and "higher percentage" should be "higher" for conciseness and formality.
"Agriculture was the least chosen sector with only 3% of male and 1% of female." -> "Agriculture was the least preferred sector, with only 3% of males and 1% of females."
Explanation: "Least chosen" is awkward and informal; "least preferred" is more natural and formal. "Male" and "female" should be "males" and "females" for grammatical correctness.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5

Explanation: The essay attempts to address the task by providing some information about the data in the charts. However, the essay does not present a clear overview of the main trends or differences between the two countries. The essay also does not adequately highlight the key features of the data. For example, the essay states that "the percentage of workers working in the services sector were more than half with 56% of male and 49% of female" but does not compare this to the percentage of workers in the services sector in country B.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clearer overview of the main trends and differences between the two countries. The essay could also be improved by highlighting the key features of the data more effectively. For example, the essay could compare the percentage of workers in each sector in country A to the percentage of workers in each sector in country B. The essay could also provide more specific details about the data, such as the exact percentage of workers in each sector.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay presents information with some organisation, but there are noticeable issues with overall progression and clarity. While it attempts to compare the data from the two countries, the transitions between ideas are often abrupt, leading to confusion. The use of cohesive devices is inadequate, with instances of repetition and inaccurate referencing. Additionally, paragraphing is not effectively employed, as the essay lacks clear separations of ideas and topics.
How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on logical progression by clearly linking ideas and using a wider range of cohesive devices appropriately. Improving paragraph structure by ensuring each paragraph has a clear central topic and logically flows into the next would also help. Additionally, reducing repetition and ensuring accurate referencing will contribute to a more coherent essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While it attempts to convey the information from the charts, the vocabulary used is basic and repetitive, with noticeable errors in word choice and collocation. For example, phrases like "the figure for people working in services was also the most occupied" are awkwardly constructed. Additionally, there are errors in spelling and word formation, such as "regardingly" and "regarding," which may cause some difficulty for the reader. Overall, the lexical resource does not sufficiently support clarity and precision in conveying the information.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource, the writer should aim to incorporate a wider range of vocabulary, including less common lexical items that convey precise meanings. This could involve using synonyms and varying sentence structures to avoid repetition. Additionally, paying attention to word choice and collocation will improve the overall fluency and flexibility of the language used. Finally, proofreading for spelling and grammatical errors will help ensure that the communication is clear and effective.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, primarily using simple sentences with some attempts at complex sentences. However, there are frequent grammatical errors, particularly in subject-verb agreement and sentence structure, which can cause some difficulty for the reader. For example, phrases like "the figure for females who took part in agriculture was more than male" lack clarity and precision. Additionally, punctuation errors are present, such as missing commas and incorrect conjunction usage, which further detracts from the overall accuracy of the writing.
How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on using a wider variety of sentence structures, including more complex sentences with appropriate conjunctions. Regular practice with grammar exercises, particularly on subject-verb agreement and punctuation rules, will help reduce errors. Additionally, proofreading the essay for clarity and coherence before submission can significantly improve the overall quality of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

The given pie charts illustrate the proportion of laborers (men and women) working in three various fields, namely services, agriculture, and industry, in countries A and B.

It is clear that the percentage of people working in services in country A took the lead, followed by agriculture, while industry had the least number of workers. Furthermore, in country B, the figure for people working in services was also the highest, followed by industry, and agriculture was the least selected field.

As can be seen from the charts, in country A, the percentage of workers in the services sector was more than half, with 56% of males and 49% of females. Moreover, the figure for females participating in agriculture was higher than that for males, with 43% and 29%, respectively. The proportion of females participating in industry was nearly double that of males, with 8% and 15%, respectively.

Regarding the remaining figures, in country B, agriculture was the main field with a large number of participants, where the figures for women were 65% and for men were 88%. Additionally, industry was the second highest field, with 11% of females compared to a higher percentage of 32% of males. Agriculture was the least chosen sector, with only 3% of males and 1% of females.