The charts below show the protein and calorie intakes of people in different parts of the world. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparison where relevant.

The charts give information about the average consumption of two different types of protein and calories in India, East Africa, Latin America, and North America.

As is transparent from the statistics, North America dominates and maintains its highest position in both diagrams. Also noteworthy is that India’s protein and calorie intakes are lowest in the surveyed charts.

North American people clearly favor consuming protein, with 62% of animal protein and 18% of other protein, which surpasses the ideal protein intake. Additionally, the figures for Latin America account for 32% of animal protein and only 13% of other protein. Meanwhile, 15% of India and East Africa's total protein intakes are other protein intakes. For India, the percentage for animal protein consumption is 13%, while the figure for East Africa is 16%.

Moving on to the calorie intake chart, North American people consume the highest amount of calories, at roughly 3500 calories, which surpasses the ideal calorie intake. The amount of calories eaten in Latin America is slightly lower, at just under 3000 calories. Furthermore, the figures for East Africa and India are lower, at approximately 2500 calories and 2000 calories, respectively.

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Errors and Improvements:

"As is transparent from the statistics" -> "As evident from the statistics"
Explanation: "Transparent" doesn’t quite fit here as it refers to clarity or openness. "Evident" is more appropriate to indicate that the information is clearly shown or understood from the statistics.
"North American people clearly favor consuming protein" -> "North Americans clearly prioritize protein consumption"
Explanation: "Favor consuming" is a bit colloquial. "Prioritize" is a more formal and precise term to indicate a higher preference or importance placed on something.
"which surpasses the ideal protein intake" -> "exceeding the recommended protein intake"
Explanation: "Surpasses" is appropriate, but "exceeding the recommended protein intake" provides a more specific and informative description, enhancing clarity.
"Moving on to the calorie intake chart" -> "Turning to the calorie intake data"
Explanation: "Moving on to" is slightly informal. "Turning to" maintains formality and signals a shift in focus to the next point of discussion.
"at just under 3000 calories" -> "at slightly below 3000 calories"
Explanation: "Just under" is clear but slightly informal. "Slightly below" maintains clarity while sounding slightly more formal.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay addresses the task by providing an overview of the main features of the charts, including the comparison of protein and calorie intakes among different regions. It adequately highlights key features such as the dominance of North America in both protein and calorie consumption, as well as the lower intakes in India and East Africa. However, some details may be irrelevant or inaccurately presented, such as stating "surpasses the ideal protein intake" and "surpasses the ideal calorie intake" without providing clear context or evidence for these claims.

How to improve: To improve, ensure that all details provided are relevant and supported by the data in the charts. Avoid making assumptions or providing subjective interpretations without clear evidence. Additionally, strive for more clarity and precision in presenting information to enhance the overall coherence of the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay logically organizes information and ideas, with a clear progression throughout. The introduction provides an overview of the charts, setting the stage for the subsequent discussion. Each paragraph focuses on a specific region and presents information coherently. The use of cohesive devices, such as "As is transparent from the statistics" and "Moving on to the calorie intake chart," helps maintain coherence. Additionally, the essay effectively uses paragraphing to structure the information.

How to improve: To further enhance coherence and cohesion, consider using a wider variety of cohesive devices and transitions to create smoother connections between sentences and paragraphs. Additionally, ensure consistent referencing and substitution to avoid any repetition or confusion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary with some flexibility and precision. There is an attempt to use less common vocabulary, such as "surpasses," "noteworthy," and "dominates," which contributes to conveying the intended meanings effectively. The writer also employs some less common lexical items like "intakes" and "consumption," showing awareness of style and collocation. However, there are occasional errors in word choice and collocation, such as "translucent" instead of "transparent." Additionally, there are minor inaccuracies in word formation, like "North American people clearly favor consuming protein," which could be improved for clarity and precision.

How to improve:
To enhance lexical resource, the writer should aim for more accurate word choices and collocations. Proofreading for minor errors in word formation and ensuring consistency in terminology throughout the essay would further improve lexical precision. Additionally, incorporating a wider variety of vocabulary, especially in expressing comparisons and conclusions, would elevate the lexical richness of the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, covering a range of grammatical forms. There is a variety of sentence types, including simple statements and more complex comparative structures. However, there are some errors in grammar and punctuation throughout the essay, such as missing commas and inconsistencies in subject-verb agreement. These errors do not significantly impede communication, but they are noticeable and could be improved for clarity and precision.

How to improve:
To improve the grammatical range and accuracy, pay closer attention to punctuation, particularly the use of commas to separate clauses and items in a series. Also, review subject-verb agreement to ensure consistency throughout the essay. Additionally, consider varying sentence structures further to enhance clarity and cohesion. Finally, proofreading carefully for grammatical errors before submitting the essay would be beneficial.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided charts illustrate the protein and calorie consumption patterns across four distinct regions: India, East Africa, Latin America, and North America.

It is evident from the data that North America consistently ranks highest in both protein and calorie intake. Conversely, India exhibits the lowest levels of both protein and calorie consumption among the regions surveyed.

In terms of protein intake, North Americans predominantly prefer animal protein, constituting 62% of their total intake, with an additional 18% attributed to other protein sources. Latin America follows, with 32% of animal protein and 13% from other sources. In contrast, India and East Africa rely more heavily on non-animal protein sources, with 15% and 16% of their total protein intake respectively being derived from these sources. India specifically demonstrates a lower reliance on animal protein, at 13%.

Turning to calorie intake, North America surpasses all other regions with an average consumption of approximately 3500 calories, exceeding the recommended intake. Latin America follows with just under 3000 calories, while East Africa and India record lower figures of around 2500 and 2000 calories respectively.

In summary, North America exhibits the highest consumption levels of both protein and calories, whereas India demonstrates the lowest. Additionally, the preference for animal versus non-animal protein sources varies across the regions, with North America and Latin America favoring animal protein to a greater extent compared to India and East Africa.