The charts below show the results of a questionnaire that asked visitors to the Parkway Hotel how they rated the hotel's customer service. The same questionnai

The charts illustrate how visitors for the Parkway Hotel rate the hotel’s customer service in two years 2005 and 2010 through the same questionnaire.

Overall, it can be seen that the charts in two different years changed their data considerably. In addition, after five years, the percentages of positive rates increased significantly and accounted for large proportion.

In the period of five years, from the smallest percentage just 5% in 2005, the data of excellent rates had an enormous increase to almost six times higher. The same case happened with the data of good evaluations. In the first year of the research, it took up 14%, but then in 2005 this proportion rose to nearly two-fifths with the satisfactory rates. The percentage yet dropped 28% from 45% in 2010.

In the started year, the percentages of poor and very poor evaluations accounted for a good proportion. After five years, both poor and very poor rates decreased dramatically from 21% to 12% and 15% to 4% respectively.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"how visitors for the Parkway Hotel rate" -> "how visitors rate the Parkway Hotel"
Explanation: Simplifying the phrase "how visitors for the Parkway Hotel rate" to "how visitors rate the Parkway Hotel" improves clarity and removes unnecessary prepositional phrasing.
"In addition, after five years, the percentages of positive rates increased significantly and accounted for large proportion." -> "Furthermore, after five years, the percentages of positive ratings increased significantly and constituted a substantial proportion."
Explanation: Replacing "positive rates" with "positive ratings" and "large proportion" with "substantial proportion" enhances precision and formality of the description.
"In the period of five years" -> "Over the five-year period"
Explanation: Restructuring the phrase "In the period of five years" to "Over the five-year period" improves fluency and conciseness while maintaining clarity.
"from the smallest percentage just 5% in 2005" -> "from a mere 5% in 2005"
Explanation: Using "a mere" instead of "just" adds a touch of emphasis and sophistication to the description of the initial percentage.
"had an enormous increase to almost six times higher" -> "experienced a substantial increase to nearly sixfold"
Explanation: Replacing "enormous increase" with "substantial increase" and "almost six times higher" with "nearly sixfold" provides a more precise and sophisticated expression of the increase.
"but then in 2005 this proportion rose to nearly two-fifths with the satisfactory rates" -> "but by 2010, this proportion rose to nearly two-fifths with satisfactory ratings"
Explanation: Clarifying the timeline by changing "in 2005" to "by 2010" and replacing "satisfactory rates" with "satisfactory ratings" improves coherence and accuracy.
"The percentage yet dropped 28% from 45% in 2010." -> "However, the percentage dropped by 28%, from 45% in 2010."
Explanation: Adding "by" before "28%" and rephrasing "The percentage yet dropped" to "However, the percentage dropped" enhances the clarity and coherence of the sentence.
"In the started year" -> "In the initial year"
Explanation: Replacing "started" with "initial" provides a more formal and precise description of the first year of the research period.
"After five years, both poor and very poor rates decreased dramatically" -> "After five years, the rates of both poor and very poor evaluations decreased dramatically"
Explanation: Adding "evaluations" after "poor and very poor" clarifies the type of rates being discussed and improves the readability of the sentence.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay adequately addresses the requirements of the task by providing an overview of the data presented in the charts for both years (2005 and 2010). It outlines the changes in customer service ratings over the five-year period and highlights key features such as the increase in positive ratings and the decrease in negative ratings. The essay presents the data clearly and provides some relevant details about the changes observed.

How to improve:
To improve, the essay could extend the analysis further by providing more detailed comparisons between the two years and discussing possible reasons for the observed changes. Additionally, ensuring greater accuracy in the description of percentages and using more precise language would enhance clarity and coherence.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay arranges information and ideas coherently with a clear overall progression. The introduction provides a concise overview of the charts’ content and the trend over two years. Each body paragraph addresses specific data points from the charts, presenting a logical progression of information. Cohesive devices are used effectively to connect sentences and ideas, although there are occasional instances of mechanical cohesion. However, there is room for improvement in referencing and substitution clarity. The essay utilizes paragraphing adequately, but there are some areas where it could be more logically structured.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, ensure a more consistent use of cohesive devices throughout the essay. Additionally, focus on clearer referencing and substitution to improve the flow of ideas. Pay attention to paragraphing to ensure a more logical organization of information within and between paragraphs.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary, which is minimally adequate for the task. There is an attempt to convey information, but the vocabulary used is basic and repetitive. The essay lacks variety in lexical choices and relies on simplistic language throughout. Some errors in word formation and spelling are noticeable, such as "questionnai" instead of "questionnaire."

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource, strive for more diverse and sophisticated vocabulary appropriate for academic writing. Expand word choice beyond basic terms and avoid repetitive language. Additionally, pay attention to spelling and word formation to ensure clarity and coherence in the essay. Incorporating more precise and varied vocabulary will elevate the overall quality of expression.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, including a variety of sentence structures such as compound and complex sentences. While there are occasional errors in grammar and punctuation, they do not significantly hinder communication. The writer attempts to convey a clear message regarding the changes in customer service ratings over time, though some sentences lack clarity or precision.

How to improve:
To improve the grammatical range and accuracy, focus on refining complex sentence structures and ensuring consistency in punctuation use. Additionally, strive for clearer expression of ideas to enhance overall coherence and cohesion. Consider revising sentences to eliminate ambiguity and enhance readability.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided charts depict the ratings given by visitors to the Parkway Hotel regarding its customer service in the years 2005 and 2010, based on the same questionnaire.

Overall, it is evident that there were significant changes in the data between the two years. Notably, there was a considerable increase in the percentages of positive ratings after a five-year period, comprising a substantial portion of the feedback.

In 2005, the proportion of excellent ratings stood at a mere 5%. However, this figure underwent a remarkable surge, reaching nearly six times higher by 2010. Similarly, the percentage of good ratings saw a substantial rise, escalating from 14% in 2005 to almost two-fifths in 2010. Conversely, the proportion of satisfactory ratings experienced a decrease from 45% in 2005 to 28% in 2010.

Initially, both poor and very poor ratings constituted a significant portion of the feedback. However, over the five-year span, there was a notable decline in both categories, plummeting from 21% to 12% for poor ratings and from 15% to 4% for very poor ratings.

The charts below show the results of a questionnaire that asked visitors to the Parkway Hotel how they rated the hotel’s customer service. The same questionnai