fbpx

The charts below shows the percentage of people assessing news via different media in one country in 2013, 2015 and 2017. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below shows the percentage of people assessing news via different media in one country in 2013, 2015 and 2017. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart demonstrates how people approach in formation through 4 kinds of platform in one country in 2013, 2015, 2017.
Overall, people tended to be keen on watching news via television more than other medias.The poportion of people read printed newspapers experienced a gradual decrease while the percentage for internet saw an upward trend until the end of the period. Also, the figure for radio still leveled off in 3 years.At first glance, the chant witnessed a high of percentage of television at about 80%, was the most significant of the trend. After declining by 6% in 2015, there was a slight recovery of 2% in the figure of people prefered television for 2017. From 2013 to 2015 the figure of people accessed information by internet showed a minor rise, from 30% to 10% respectively. This was followed by a significant jump to almost 70%, in the year of 2017.
It is cleared that the trend of news accessed by newspapers fell down constantly throughout the time. The former figure represented more than news 40% of people in 2013 but the projected figure for 2017 was just 20%, less than doubled the initial data. Meanwhile, the statistics of people the opt radio still stayed the same at around 30% in the 3 years


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "approach in formation" -> "access information"
    Explanation: The phrase "approach in formation" is unclear and grammatically incorrect. "Access information" is a more precise and commonly used phrase in academic writing.

  2. "4 kinds of platform" -> "four types of platforms"
    Explanation: The word "kinds" is informal; "types" is more appropriate in an academic context. Additionally, numbers should generally be written out in formal writing.

  3. "more than other medias" -> "more than other media"
    Explanation: The term "media" is already the plural form of "medium," so "medias" is incorrect.

  4. "poportion of people read printed newspapers" -> "proportion of people reading printed newspapers"
    Explanation: The word "proportion" is misspelled, and "read" should be changed to "reading" to maintain parallel structure with "tended" earlier in the sentence.

  5. "the percentage for internet saw an upward trend" -> "the percentage of internet users showed an upward trend"
    Explanation: "Percentage for internet" is vague and awkward. "Percentage of internet users" clarifies that it refers to individuals using the internet.

  6. "the figure for radio still leveled off in 3 years" -> "the figure for radio remained stable over the three years"
    Explanation: "Leveled off" is informal; "remained stable" is more precise and formal. Additionally, "3" should be written out as "three."

  7. "the chant witnessed a high of percentage of television" -> "the chart indicated a high percentage of television viewership"
    Explanation: "Chant" is a typographical error; "chart" is correct. "Witnessed a high of percentage" is awkward; "indicated a high percentage of" is clearer and more formal.

  8. "was the most significant of the trend" -> "was the most significant trend"
    Explanation: The phrase "of the trend" is unnecessary and makes the sentence awkward. Simplifying it improves clarity.

  9. "the figure of people prefered television" -> "the figure of people who preferred television"
    Explanation: "Prefered" is a misspelling; it should be "preferred." Additionally, adding "who" clarifies the subject of the clause.

  10. "the figure of people accessed information by internet" -> "the figure of people accessing information via the internet"
    Explanation: "Accessed" should be changed to "accessing" for grammatical consistency. "By internet" is less formal than "via the internet."

  11. "showed a minor rise, from 30% to 10% respectively" -> "showed a minor rise, from 30% to 40% respectively"
    Explanation: The original statement contains an error in the percentages; it should indicate a rise from 30% to 40%, not 10%.

  12. "the trend of news accessed by newspapers fell down constantly throughout the time" -> "the trend of news accessed through newspapers declined consistently over the period"
    Explanation: "Fell down" is informal; "declined" is more appropriate. "Throughout the time" is vague; "over the period" is clearer.

  13. "the former figure represented more than news 40% of people" -> "the initial figure represented over 40% of people"
    Explanation: "Former" is vague; "initial" is clearer. The phrase "more than news" is awkward and unnecessary.

  14. "but the projected figure for 2017 was just 20%, less than doubled the initial data" -> "but the projected figure for 2017 was only 20%, less than half of the initial figure"
    Explanation: "Just" is informal; "only" is more appropriate. "Less than doubled" is unclear; "less than half of" provides clearer meaning.

  15. "the statistics of people the opt radio still stayed the same" -> "the statistics for people opting for radio remained unchanged"
    Explanation: "The opt radio" is grammatically incorrect; "opting for radio" is the correct form. "Stayed the same" is informal; "remained unchanged" is more formal.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5

Explanation: The essay generally addresses the task, but the format is inappropriate in places. The essay does not present a clear overview of the main trends, and the data to support the description is not always accurate. For example, the essay states that the percentage of people who read printed newspapers experienced a gradual decrease, but the chart shows that the percentage decreased significantly from 2013 to 2015 and then remained relatively stable from 2015 to 2017. The essay also states that the figure for radio leveled off in 3 years, but the chart shows that the percentage remained relatively stable from 2013 to 2015 and then increased slightly from 2015 to 2017.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by presenting a clearer overview of the main trends in the data. The essay should also be more accurate in its description of the data. For example, the essay could state that the percentage of people who read printed newspapers decreased significantly from 2013 to 2015 and then remained relatively stable from 2015 to 2017. The essay could also state that the percentage of people who accessed news via the internet increased significantly from 2013 to 2017. The essay should also avoid making subjective statements, such as "It is cleared that the trend of news accessed by newspapers fell down constantly throughout the time." Instead, the essay should focus on presenting the data objectively.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, but there are notable issues with overall progression and clarity. While it attempts to summarize the data from the charts, the structure is not entirely coherent. The use of cohesive devices is inadequate and at times inaccurate, leading to confusion in the relationships between ideas. For example, phrases like "the poportion of people read printed newspapers experienced a gradual decrease" lack clarity and grammatical correctness. Additionally, the paragraphing is inconsistent, with some sentences appearing disjointed. Overall, while the essay conveys some relevant information, it lacks the necessary coherence and cohesion to achieve a higher band score.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on improving sentence structure and clarity. Using a wider range of cohesive devices correctly and ensuring logical progression between ideas will help. Additionally, organizing the essay into clear paragraphs with distinct main ideas will aid in presenting information more effectively. Finally, proofreading for grammatical accuracy and clarity will also contribute to a more polished response.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While there are attempts to use some less common vocabulary (e.g., "upward trend," "significant jump"), the overall lexical resource is constrained. There are noticeable errors in spelling and word formation, such as "in formation" instead of "information," "poportion" instead of "proportion," and "prefered" instead of "preferred." These errors can cause some difficulty for the reader and detract from the clarity of the message. Additionally, the use of phrases like "the chant witnessed a high of percentage" is awkward and incorrect, further indicating limited control over vocabulary.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should focus on expanding their vocabulary range and ensuring accurate word choice. Practicing the use of synonyms and less common lexical items, while paying attention to collocation, would be beneficial. Additionally, proofreading for spelling and grammatical errors before submission can help improve clarity and coherence. Engaging with a variety of reading materials can also aid in developing a more sophisticated vocabulary.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, primarily relying on simple sentence forms with some attempts at complex sentences. While there are some accurate structures, frequent grammatical errors are present, such as "approach in formation" instead of "approach information" and "the poportion of people read printed newspapers experienced a gradual decrease," which lacks proper subject-verb agreement. These errors can cause some difficulty for the reader in understanding the intended meaning. Additionally, punctuation errors are evident, such as the misuse of commas and periods. Overall, while the essay conveys some information, the grammatical inaccuracies hinder effective communication.

How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on the following areas:

  1. Variety of Sentence Structures: Incorporate a wider range of complex sentences and subordinate clauses to demonstrate grammatical flexibility.
  2. Proofreading: Carefully review the essay for grammatical errors and punctuation mistakes before submission. This can help catch errors that may distort meaning.
  3. Subject-Verb Agreement: Pay attention to ensuring that subjects and verbs agree in number and tense.
  4. Clarity and Precision: Aim for clearer phrasing and avoid vague expressions. For example, instead of "the figure for radio still leveled off," specify what that figure is.
  5. Practice: Regularly practice writing essays with a focus on grammatical accuracy and complexity to build confidence and skill in using varied sentence structures.

Bài sửa mẫu

The bar chart demonstrates how people accessed information through four types of platforms in one country in 2013, 2015, and 2017. Overall, people tended to prefer watching news via television more than other media. The proportion of individuals reading printed newspapers experienced a gradual decrease, while the percentage of those using the internet saw an upward trend throughout the period. Additionally, the figure for radio remained stable over the three years.

At first glance, the chart revealed a high percentage of television usage at about 80%, which was the most significant trend. After declining by 6% in 2015, there was a slight recovery of 2% in the percentage of people preferring television in 2017. From 2013 to 2015, the number of people accessing information via the internet showed a minor rise, from 30% to 40% respectively. This was followed by a significant jump to almost 70% in 2017.

It is clear that the trend of news accessed through newspapers consistently declined over time. The initial figure represented more than 40% of people in 2013, but the projected figure for 2017 was just 20%, which is less than half of the initial data. Meanwhile, the statistics for people opting for radio remained the same at around 30% over the three years.

Bài viết liên quan

Phản hồi

Email của bạn sẽ không được hiển thị công khai. Các trường bắt buộc được đánh dấu *

IELTS Writify

Chấm IELTS Writing Free x GPT

Lưu ý

Sắp bảo trì server

Để đảm bảo tính ổn định của web, web sẽ thực hiện backup dữ liệu hàng ngày từ 3h-3h30 sáng

Rất mong quý thầy cô và học viên thông cảm vì bất tiện này