The charts show the main methods of transport of people travelling to one university in 2004 and 2009. Summarise the information be selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts show the main methods of transport of people travelling to one university in 2004 and 2009.
Summarise the information be selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Pie chart shows the variety of vehicles people using to take to the same university which are car,bicycle,bus,train,walking,…It was over the period of 5 years starting from 2004 to 2009.
Overall, all transports except car have increased. In 2004 people were mostly transported by car, however, in 2009 humans were mostly transported by bus.
Looking at the details,the number of bus and car user had the biggest in other transports.These stood at 33% ang 51% in the firts period then bus passengers rose gradually approximately 13% in 2009 but people who used cars dropped dramatically with twice reduction to 26% in 2009.The smallest percentages shows by bicycle and train around 6%,in contrast by walking comprised 3% in 2004.
These plots show that people were using buses more than car in 2009.This emphasizes how public transportation had more added value than cars in the past yeats.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Pie chart shows" -> "The pie chart illustrates"
Explanation: "The pie chart illustrates" is a more formal and precise way to introduce a visual representation in academic writing, enhancing the professionalism of the introduction.
"people using to take to the same university" -> "individuals traveling to the same university"
Explanation: "Individuals traveling to the same university" is more formal and precise than "people using to take to the same university," which is awkward and unclear.
"car,bicycle,bus,train,walking,…" -> "cars, bicycles, buses, trains, and walking"
Explanation: Commas should be replaced with commas, and "and" should be used after the last item in a list to maintain grammatical correctness and formality.
"It was over the period of 5 years starting from 2004 to 2009." -> "This data spans a period of five years, from 2004 to 2009."
Explanation: "This data spans a period of five years, from 2004 to 2009" is more formal and precise, avoiding the informal "It was" and providing a clearer temporal reference.
"all transports except car have increased" -> "all modes of transport except cars have increased"
Explanation: "Modes of transport" is more specific and formal than "transports," and "cars" should be plural to match the plural "modes."
"In 2004 people were mostly transported by car, however, in 2009 humans were mostly transported by bus." -> "In 2004, the primary mode of transport was by car, whereas in 2009, it was by bus."
Explanation: "The primary mode of transport" is more precise and formal than "people were mostly transported," and "whereas" is a more formal conjunction than "however."
"the number of bus and car user had the biggest" -> "the number of bus and car users was the highest"
Explanation: "The number of bus and car users was the highest" corrects the grammatical error and uses "was" instead of "had" for a more natural expression.
"in the firts period" -> "in the first period"
Explanation: Corrects the spelling of "first" to "first" for accuracy.
"rose gradually approximately 13% in 2009" -> "increased by approximately 13% in 2009"
Explanation: "Increased by approximately 13%" is more precise and grammatically correct than "rose gradually approximately 13%."
"people who used cars dropped dramatically with twice reduction to 26% in 2009" -> "the number of car users decreased dramatically, with a reduction of 50% to 26% in 2009"
Explanation: "The number of car users decreased dramatically, with a reduction of 50% to 26% in 2009" corrects the awkward phrasing and provides a clearer and more formal description of the change.
"smallest percentages shows by bicycle and train" -> "the smallest percentages were for bicycle and train"
Explanation: "The smallest percentages were for bicycle and train" corrects the grammatical structure and clarifies the meaning.
"in contrast by walking comprised 3%" -> "in contrast, walking comprised 3%"
Explanation: Adds a comma after "in contrast" to improve readability and maintain the correct punctuation.
"These plots show that people were using buses more than car in 2009" -> "These data indicate that buses were more popular than cars in 2009"
Explanation: "These data indicate that buses were more popular than cars in 2009" uses more precise language and avoids the informal "using."
"This emphasizes how public transportation had more added value than cars in the past yeats" -> "This highlights the increased value of public transportation compared to cars in the past years"
Explanation: "This highlights the increased value of public transportation compared to cars in the past years" corrects the spelling of "years" and uses more formal language to emphasize the comparison.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5

Explanation: The essay generally addresses the task, but the format is inappropriate in places. The essay does not provide a clear overview of the main trends, and the information is recounted mechanically. The essay does present some key features, but it inadequately covers them. There is a tendency to focus on details rather than the overall trends.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clearer overview of the main trends in the data. The essay should also focus on presenting the key features of the data in a more concise and organized way. The essay should avoid recounting details mechanically and instead focus on providing a clear and concise summary of the information.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization; however, there is a lack of overall progression. While it attempts to summarize the data, the logical flow is disrupted by awkward phrasing and grammatical errors. The use of cohesive devices is inadequate and at times inaccurate, leading to confusion. Additionally, paragraphing is present but not effectively utilized, which detracts from the overall coherence of the response.
How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the essay should focus on clearer organization of ideas, ensuring that each paragraph has a distinct central topic. The use of cohesive devices should be varied and accurately applied to connect ideas logically. Improving grammatical accuracy and refining sentence structure will also contribute to a more fluid reading experience. Finally, ensuring that paragraphs are logically structured and clearly delineated will strengthen the overall coherence of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While it attempts to convey the main features of the charts, the vocabulary used is basic and repetitive, with noticeable errors in spelling and word formation that may cause some difficulty for the reader. For instance, phrases like "humans were mostly transported by bus" and "the smallest percentages shows by bicycle and train" exhibit awkward phrasing and grammatical inaccuracies. Additionally, there are issues with punctuation and clarity, such as the lack of spaces after commas and the incorrect use of "ang" instead of "and." Overall, while the essay communicates the main ideas, the lexical resource is insufficient for a higher band score.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource, the writer should aim to incorporate a wider range of vocabulary, including less common lexical items, while ensuring accuracy in word choice and collocation. Practicing synonyms and varying sentence structures would help avoid repetition. Additionally, focusing on correct spelling and grammatical structures will improve clarity and coherence. Reading more academic texts and practicing summarizing data can also aid in developing a more sophisticated vocabulary and style.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, primarily using simple sentences with some attempts at complex forms. While there is an attempt to convey information, frequent grammatical errors and inaccuracies in punctuation are present, which can cause some difficulty for the reader. For example, phrases such as "the variety of vehicles people using" and "the smallest percentages shows" contain grammatical mistakes that disrupt clarity. Additionally, the use of conjunctions and transitions is minimal, which affects the overall coherence of the essay.
How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on the following areas:

Sentence Structure: Incorporate a wider variety of sentence structures, including more complex sentences that correctly use subordinate clauses.
Grammar and Punctuation: Review and practice the rules of subject-verb agreement and punctuation to reduce errors. For instance, ensure that plural subjects agree with plural verbs (e.g., "percentages show" instead of "percentages shows").
Clarity and Cohesion: Use linking words and phrases to improve the flow of ideas and enhance coherence between sentences and paragraphs.
Proofreading: Take time to proofread the essay for minor errors that could be easily corrected, which would help in achieving a more polished final product.

Bài sửa mẫu

The pie charts illustrate the various modes of transport used by individuals traveling to the same university in 2004 and 2009. The data covers a period of five years, from 2004 to 2009.

Overall, all modes of transport, except for cars, experienced an increase in usage. In 2004, the majority of people traveled by car; however, by 2009, buses had become the most commonly used mode of transport.

In detail, the number of bus and car users was the highest among the various transport options. These accounted for 33% and 51% of users in the first period, respectively. The percentage of bus passengers rose gradually by approximately 13% in 2009, while the number of car users dropped dramatically, experiencing a reduction of nearly half to 26% in 2009. The smallest percentages were attributed to bicycles and trains, each around 6%, while walking comprised 3% in 2004.

These charts indicate that by 2009, more people were using buses than cars. This highlights the increasing value of public transportation compared to cars in the past years.