The charts show the main methods of transport of people travelling to one university in 2004 and 2009. Summarize the information be selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts show the main methods of transport of people travelling to one university in 2004 and 2009.
Summarize the information be selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graphs illustrate how much of transport was used by people to travel to one examined university between 2004 and 2009.
Overall, there was a significant decline in the proportion of cars used by students, while a rise was seen in the four remained figures: bicycle, bus, train and walking. It is also clear that cars were the main type of transport used in 2004, whereas in 2009, busses were used most. By contrast, the figures for train and walking remained negligible in both years
The percentage of cars used in 2004 started at 51%, after which it experienced a sharp drop to 28% in 2009. The reverse trend can be seen in the figure for those going to this university by bus, which rose from 33% in 2004 to 46% in 2009.
9% of people in the survey said that they often cycled to the university in 2004, followed by a rise to 16% after half a decade. Similarly, the figures for people taking a train or walking to school increased negligibly, reaching 4% and 6% respectively.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

1. "how much of transport" -> "the mode of transportation"
   Explanation: "how much of transport" is awkward and unclear. "The mode of transportation" is a more precise and formal phrase that accurately describes the topic being discussed.

2. "four remained figures" -> "four remaining modes"
   Explanation: "four remained figures" is grammatically incorrect. "Four remaining modes" is a clearer and more accurate way to refer to the modes of transportation that are being discussed.

3. "busses were used most" -> "buses were the predominant mode"
   Explanation: "busses were used most" is imprecise. "Buses were the predominant mode" is a more formal and accurate way to convey the idea that buses were the most commonly used mode of transportation.

4. "negligible in both years" -> "insignificant in both instances"
   Explanation: "negligible in both years" is repetitive. "Insignificant in both instances" conveys the same meaning in a more concise and formal manner.

5. "started at 51%" -> "began at 51%"
   Explanation: "started at 51%" is informal. "Began at 51%" maintains clarity while using a more precise and formal verb choice.

6. "after which it experienced a sharp drop" -> "followed by a sharp decline"
   Explanation: "after which it experienced a sharp drop" is unnecessarily wordy. "Followed by a sharp decline" is a more concise and formal alternative.

7. "rise to 16%" -> "increase to 16%"
   Explanation: "rise to 16%" is casual. "Increase to 16%" is a more formal choice of words.

8. "increased negligibly" -> "increased marginally"
   Explanation: "increased negligibly" is imprecise. "Increased marginally" accurately conveys the idea of a slight increase in a more formal manner.

9. "reaching 4% and 6% respectively" -> "reaching 4% and 6% in turn"
   Explanation: "reaching 4% and 6% respectively" is redundant. "Reaching 4% and 6% in turn" is a more concise and formal expression.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7

Explanation:
The essay effectively covers the requirements of the Task 1 by providing a clear overview of the main trends and differences in transportation methods to a university over a five-year period. The author presents a distinct summary of the changes in usage of different transport modes, noting significant details such as the decrease in car usage and the increase in bus usage. Each transport method mentioned in the prompt is addressed, and key features are clearly highlighted. However, the response could be more fully extended with a deeper analysis of the trends or additional comparison of the data points. The writing mainly sticks to reporting the data from the charts without unnecessary elaboration, which aligns well with the requirements of not providing explanations or hypotheses.

How to improve:
To enhance the response towards a higher band, consider integrating more precise comparisons between the data points across the years more consistently throughout the essay. For example, quantifying the change in percentages with more comparative language could provide a clearer picture of the trends. Additionally, ensuring that all key features are not only presented but also more fully discussed and integrated into an overall analytical context would strengthen the response. This might involve discussing the implications of these trends or more explicitly comparing the magnitude of changes between different modes of transport.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay arranges information coherently, with a clear overall progression from discussing the changes in transportation methods over the specified period. It effectively uses cohesive devices to connect ideas, such as transitions between years and types of transportation. However, there are instances where cohesion within and between sentences could be improved for smoother flow and clearer connections between ideas. Additionally, while the essay does employ paragraphing, it could be better structured for improved logical flow.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, focus on ensuring that all sentences within paragraphs contribute directly to the main topic and are logically connected to each other. Use a variety of cohesive devices more consistently and precisely to maintain coherence throughout the essay. Additionally, refine paragraph structure to ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and logical progression of ideas, aiding the overall clarity and coherence of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary for the task, covering various modes of transportation and changes over time. The writer attempts to use less common vocabulary, such as "proportion," "negligible," and "sharp drop," but there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation. For instance, "remained figures" could be better phrased as "remaining modes." Additionally, some phrases like "figures for train and walking remained negligible" could be clarified for smoother comprehension. There are also minor errors in word formation, such as "experienced a sharp drop" instead of "experienced a sharp decline." Despite these issues, the vocabulary is sufficient to convey the main points of the essay.

How to improve: To enhance lexical resource, strive for more precise and varied vocabulary. Instead of repeating phrases like "the figures for," try using synonyms or rephrasing for clarity. Additionally, pay attention to word choice and collocation to ensure accuracy and fluency. Proofreading for word formation errors, such as ensuring consistency in verb tenses, will further refine the lexical quality of the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms. There is an attempt to vary sentence structures, although some sentences could be more diverse. The writer effectively conveys the main trends depicted in the charts, and the overall message is clear. However, there are some errors in grammar and punctuation throughout the essay, such as missing commas after introductory phrases and minor subject-verb agreement issues. These errors do not significantly hinder communication but are noticeable.

How to improve:
To improve the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should aim to incorporate a wider variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences. Additionally, paying closer attention to grammar and punctuation, particularly with regard to subject-verb agreement and comma usage, would enhance the clarity and coherence of the essay. A thorough proofreading session focusing on these specific areas would be beneficial.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided charts depict the primary modes of transportation utilized by individuals commuting to a single university in the years 2004 and 2009.

In general, there was a notable decrease in the utilization of cars by students, while an increase was observed in the employment of the remaining four modes of transport: bicycles, buses, trains, and walking. Notably, cars constituted the predominant means of transportation in 2004, whereas buses emerged as the most favored option in 2009. Conversely, the proportions for train travel and walking remained insignificant in both years.

The proportion of individuals commuting by car in 2004 commenced at 51%, followed by a sharp decline to 28% in 2009. Conversely, there was an upward trajectory in the percentage of individuals commuting to the university by bus, which escalated from 33% in 2004 to 46% in 2009.

In 2004, 9% of respondents indicated frequent use of bicycles to commute to the university, a figure that increased to 16% after a span of five years. Similarly, there were slight increments in the percentages of individuals opting for train travel or walking to school, reaching 4% and 6% respectively.