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The diagram below explains how milk is processed. Summarise the information to describe the process to a university tutor

The diagram below explains how milk is processed. Summarise the information to describe the process to a university tutor

The diagram illustrates the various steps involved in processing raw milk from dairy to final distribution as different products, including packaged milk, cream, butter, and specialized milk derivatives. Overall, it is evident that there are ten steps that can be organized into three main stages of production.

Firstly, the process begins with raw milk being delivered from the dairy to a holding tank. Subsequently, the milk is separated into two different streams: one is used for cheese making, while the other undergoes testing to ensure its quality before further processing. Once it passes the test, it enters a separation unit, which divides it into cream and skim milk. The extracted cream can be directed to butter production, whereas the skim milk is standardized to achieve a specific fat content.

After separation, the milk undergoes standardization, during which vitamins A and D may be added. Following this, the milk is pasteurized; it is heated to a high temperature and then rapidly cooled using a cold water cooling system.

The next stage is homogenization, a mechanical process that breaks up milk fat globules to enhance its texture, appearance, and taste. The milk is prepared in various packaging options, such as bottles, cartons, or plastic jugs. Additionally, some of the processed milk is converted into evaporated, condensed, and dried milk products. Finally, the milk products are packaged and distributed to consumers.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "the diagram illustrates" -> "the diagram depicts"
    Explanation: "Depicts" is a more formal term often used in academic writing to describe visual representations, enhancing the overall formality of the language.

  2. "the various steps involved in processing raw milk from dairy to final distribution" -> "the sequential steps involved in the processing of raw milk from dairy to final distribution"
    Explanation: "Sequential" adds clarity by indicating that the steps follow a specific order, which is important in a process description. "Processing of" is more precise than "processing," improving the academic tone.

  3. "it is evident that there are ten steps" -> "it is apparent that there are ten distinct steps"
    Explanation: "Apparent" is a more formal synonym for "evident," and "distinct" adds clarity by emphasizing that the steps are separate and identifiable.

  4. "the process begins with raw milk being delivered" -> "the process commences with the delivery of raw milk"
    Explanation: "Commences" is a more formal alternative to "begins," and "the delivery of" is a more concise phrasing that maintains clarity.

  5. "the milk is separated into two different streams" -> "the milk is separated into two distinct streams"
    Explanation: "Distinct" is a more precise term than "different," enhancing clarity and formality.

  6. "undergoes testing to ensure its quality" -> "undergoes quality testing to ensure compliance with standards"
    Explanation: Adding "quality" before "testing" clarifies the type of testing being conducted, and "compliance with standards" provides a more precise and formal description of the purpose of the testing.

  7. "Once it passes the test" -> "Upon successful completion of the testing"
    Explanation: This phrase is more formal and precise, enhancing the academic tone of the writing.

  8. "the extracted cream can be directed to butter production" -> "the extracted cream is directed towards butter production"
    Explanation: "Is directed towards" is more assertive and formal than "can be directed to," improving the clarity of the process.

  9. "the milk undergoes standardization, during which vitamins A and D may be added" -> "the milk undergoes standardization, during which vitamins A and D are added"
    Explanation: Changing "may be added" to "are added" provides a definitive statement about the process, enhancing clarity and precision.

  10. "the next stage is homogenization" -> "the subsequent stage is homogenization"
    Explanation: "Subsequent" is a more formal term than "next," which aligns better with academic writing standards.

  11. "to enhance its texture, appearance, and taste" -> "to improve its texture, visual appeal, and flavor"
    Explanation: "Improve" is a more precise term than "enhance," and "visual appeal" and "flavor" are clearer and more specific than "appearance" and "taste," respectively.

  12. "the milk is prepared in various packaging options" -> "the milk is packaged in various formats"
    Explanation: "Packaged" is a more direct term than "prepared," and "formats" is a more formal alternative to "options," enhancing clarity.

  13. "some of the processed milk is converted into evaporated, condensed, and dried milk products" -> "a portion of the processed milk is transformed into evaporated, condensed, and powdered milk products"
    Explanation: "Transformed" is a stronger verb than "converted," and "powdered" is a more precise term than "dried," improving specificity.

  14. "Finally, the milk products are packaged and distributed to consumers" -> "Ultimately, the milk products are packaged and distributed to consumers"
    Explanation: "Ultimately" provides a more formal transition than "finally," enhancing the academic tone of the conclusion.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7

Explanation: The essay covers the requirements of the task and presents a clear overview of the main stages of milk processing. The essay clearly presents and highlights key features/bullet points, but could be more fully extended. For example, the essay could provide more detail about the specific processes involved in each stage, such as the temperature and duration of pasteurization.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more detail about the specific processes involved in each stage. For example, the essay could provide more detail about the temperature and duration of pasteurization. The essay could also be improved by using more precise language to describe the processes involved. For example, instead of saying "the milk is heated to a high temperature," the essay could say "the milk is heated to 72 degrees Celsius for 15 seconds."

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay logically organizes information and ideas, presenting a clear progression throughout the description of the milk processing steps. Each stage is well-defined, and the use of cohesive devices is appropriate, although there are instances where some transitions could be smoother. The essay presents a clear central topic within each paragraph, effectively guiding the reader through the process. However, there are minor issues with cohesion that prevent it from reaching a higher band score.

How to improve: To enhance the coherence and cohesion further, the writer could focus on varying the use of cohesive devices to avoid any mechanical feel. Additionally, ensuring that all references are clear and that transitions between ideas are more fluid would strengthen the overall flow of the essay. Lastly, refining paragraphing to ensure that each paragraph maintains a singular focus could also contribute to a higher score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary that allows for flexibility and precision in describing the milk processing steps. The use of terms like "separated," "standardization," "pasteurized," and "homogenization" indicates an awareness of less common lexical items relevant to the topic. However, there are occasional lapses in precision and clarity, such as the phrase "the extracted cream can be directed to butter production," which could be more succinctly expressed. While the vocabulary is adequate, it lacks the sophistication and variety expected at higher band levels, and there are minor errors that could be improved for greater clarity.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer could incorporate a wider variety of synonyms and more complex sentence structures. Additionally, ensuring that all technical terms are used accurately and in context will help convey more precise meanings. Practicing the use of uncommon lexical items with greater accuracy and reducing repetitive phrases will also contribute to a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a variety of complex structures and produces frequent error-free sentences, indicating good control of grammar and punctuation. The use of linking words and phrases effectively connects the stages of the milk processing, contributing to the overall coherence of the description. However, there are minor grammatical errors and occasional awkward phrasing that prevent it from reaching a higher band score.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on enhancing grammatical accuracy by proofreading for minor errors and refining sentence structures for clarity. Incorporating a wider range of complex sentences and ensuring that all sentences are error-free would also help in demonstrating a more advanced grammatical range. Additionally, varying sentence beginnings and using more sophisticated vocabulary could further elevate the essay’s quality.

Bài sửa mẫu

The diagram illustrates the various steps involved in processing raw milk from dairy to final distribution as different products, including packaged milk, cream, butter, and specialized milk derivatives. Overall, it is evident that there are ten steps that can be organized into three main stages of production.

Firstly, the process begins with raw milk being delivered from the dairy to a holding tank. Subsequently, the milk is separated into two distinct streams: one is utilized for cheese making, while the other undergoes testing to ensure its quality before further processing. Once it passes the test, it enters a separation unit, which divides it into cream and skim milk. The extracted cream can then be directed towards butter production, whereas the skim milk is standardized to achieve a specific fat content.

After separation, the milk undergoes standardization, during which vitamins A and D may be added. Following this, the milk is pasteurized; it is heated to a high temperature and then rapidly cooled using a cold water cooling system.

The next stage is homogenization, a mechanical process that breaks down milk fat globules to enhance its texture, appearance, and taste. The milk is prepared in various packaging options, such as bottles, cartons, or plastic jugs. Additionally, some of the processed milk is converted into evaporated, condensed, and dried milk products. Finally, the milk products are packaged and distributed to consumers.

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