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The diagram below gives information about how teenagers (aged 12—19) in one state in the United States communicated with each other.Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features. and make comparisons where relevant.

he diagram below gives information about how teenagers (aged 12—19) in one state in the United States communicated with each other.
Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features. and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph illustrates the way teenagers commmunicated with each other in the US. Overall, it can be seen that during the 2006-2009 period, email was always the lowest mean of communication which young people choose to use and texting messages was the main contributor.
According to the chart, email fluctuated from 10% to 20% which was likely the least proportion of the means of communication. The figures of email reached the lowest point at about 10% in September 2009 whereas there was a peak in texting messages, at about nearly 60%. The main contributor – texting messages increased dramatically with the starting point was about nearly 30% which was almost three-folds of the percentage of email.
In addition, calls on the cell phones’ figure rose slowly from 35% to 40% at the end of the period. From 2006 to 2009, talking face-to-face, which fluctuated significantly, was the main mean of communication. Its percentage reached the highest point, at about 40% then decreased sharply, accounted for almost 30% which is more than three times the amount of email.
In conclusion, the graph show the information about how teenager in one US state communicated with the clearly figures and trends of means of communication..


 

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. “Overall, it can be seen that during the 2006-2009 period” -> “Overall, it is evident that throughout the 2006-2009 period”
    Explanation: Replacing “it can be seen” with “it is evident” enhances clarity and adds a more confident tone to the statement.
  2. “mean of communication which young people choose to use” -> “means of communication that young people opt for”
    Explanation: “Means of communication” is a more formal expression than “mean of communication,” and “opt for” is a more precise choice than “choose to use.”
  3. “fluctuated from 10% to 20%” -> “varied between 10% and 20%”
    Explanation: “Varied between” is a more precise phrase than “fluctuated from” and adds a touch of formality to the description.
  4. “which was likely the least proportion of the means of communication” -> “which constituted the smallest proportion among the means of communication”
    Explanation: “Constituted the smallest proportion” is a more sophisticated way to convey the idea of being the least among several options.
  5. “figures of email reached the lowest point at about 10%” -> “the percentage of email reached its nadir at approximately 10%”
    Explanation: “Nadir” is a more advanced term than “lowest point,” and specifying “percentage” adds clarity to the description.
  6. “there was a peak in texting messages, at about nearly 60%” -> “texting messages experienced a peak, reaching almost 60%”
    Explanation: Restructuring the sentence for clarity and using “experienced a peak” adds a more formal touch.
  7. “with the starting point was about nearly 30%” -> “with an initial point of approximately 30%”
    Explanation: Using “an initial point” instead of “the starting point” and specifying “approximately” enhance precision and formality.
  8. “which was almost three-folds of the percentage of email” -> “which was nearly three times the percentage of email”
    Explanation: “Nearly three times” is a more concise and precise way to express the idea than “almost three-folds.”
  9. “calls on the cell phones’ figure rose slowly” -> “the percentage of calls on cell phones increased gradually”
    Explanation: Reframing the sentence with “the percentage of calls on cell phones” and “increased gradually” adds clarity and formality.
  10. “talking face-to-face, which fluctuated significantly” -> “face-to-face communication, which exhibited significant fluctuations”
    Explanation: Describing face-to-face communication as “exhibited significant fluctuations” is a more refined expression than “fluctuated significantly.”
  11. “Its percentage reached the highest point, at about 40%” -> “Its percentage peaked at approximately 40%”
    Explanation: Using “peaked at” is more concise than “reached the highest point,” and specifying “approximately” adds precision.
  12. “accounted for almost 30%” -> “constituted nearly 30%”
    Explanation: “Constituted” is a more formal term than “accounted for,” adding a touch of sophistication to the description.
  13. “more than three times the amount of email” -> “over three times the percentage of email”
    Explanation: Using “over three times” is more concise than “more than three times,” and specifying “percentage” adds clarity to the comparison.
  14. “the graph show the information about how teenager in one US state communicated with the clearly figures and trends of means of communication” -> “the graph illustrates information about how teenagers in a US state communicated, depicting clear figures and trends in means of communication”
    Explanation: Restructuring the sentence for clarity and using “illustrates” instead of “show” adds formality to the description.

 

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay addresses the task by providing a clear overview of the main trends in teenage communication during the 2006-2009 period in the depicted state in the United States. Key features are presented, including the dominance of texting messages and the decline of face-to-face communication. However, the response lacks full development, and some details may be inaccurate or unclear. The language use is generally appropriate, but there is room for improvement in coherence and precision.

How to improve:

  1. Detail and Accuracy: Ensure that details provided are accurate and relevant. For instance, the statement “calls on the cell phones’ figure rose slowly from 35% to 40%” lacks specific timeframes and could benefit from more precision.
  2. Development: Expand on key points to provide a more comprehensive analysis. For instance, the discussion on email and face-to-face communication could be more detailed to enhance the overall development of the essay.
  3. Coherence: Improve the flow and coherence of ideas by organizing information in a more structured manner. This will enhance the clarity of the response and make it easier for the reader to follow the trends and features presented.
  4. Language Use: While the language is generally appropriate, consider using a wider range of vocabulary and sentence structures to elevate the overall quality of the essay. This will contribute to a more sophisticated and nuanced expression of ideas.

 

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
This essay demonstrates a fair level of coherence and cohesion in presenting information about the communication habits of teenagers. There’s an attempt to logically organize information, evident in the sequential description of communication methods over the stated period. The essay manages to introduce, elaborate, and conclude on the communication trends, offering a sense of progression. However, there are noticeable flaws in cohesion. While cohesive devices are used to some extent, there are instances of faulty cohesion within sentences, leading to minor disruptions in the flow of ideas. The paragraphing lacks consistency and could be better structured to enhance readability and coherence.

How to improve:

  1. Cohesive Devices: Work on using cohesive devices more effectively. Ensure they create smoother transitions between sentences and ideas.
  2. Paragraph Structure: Focus on clearer paragraph organization. Each paragraph should distinctly address a central idea related to communication methods to enhance coherence.
  3. Clarity and Detail: Provide more precise and detailed descriptions of the data and communication trends, ensuring clarity in expressing the information.

Improving these aspects would elevate the overall coherence and cohesion of the essay to better reflect the logical organization and flow required for a higher band score.

 

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary for the task, using words and expressions that convey the intended meaning. The writer attempts to incorporate less common vocabulary, but there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation. The essay contains occasional errors in spelling and word formation, but these errors do not impede communication. The overall structure and coherence of the essay contribute to a clear presentation of the main features, and there is an attempt to make comparisons where relevant.

How to improve:
To improve the Lexical Resource score, the writer should focus on enhancing the variety and precision of vocabulary. This can be achieved by incorporating a wider range of sophisticated and contextually appropriate words and expressions. Additionally, attention to accurate word choice and collocation is crucial to minimize occasional errors. Proofreading for spelling and word formation errors will also contribute to a more polished and error-free essay. Lastly, ensuring a more detailed analysis and comparison of the information presented in the graph will further strengthen the lexical quality of the essay.

 

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, utilizing a variety of structures. There are instances of errors in grammar and punctuation, but they rarely hinder communication. The use of vocabulary and overall coherence contributes to a reasonable level of clarity. The writer effectively summarizes the information presented in the graph.

How to improve:

  1. Grammar and Punctuation: Pay attention to subject-verb agreement and punctuation. For example, “which young people choose to use” could be improved to “which young people choose to employ.”
  2. Sentence Structure: While there’s a mix of simple and complex sentences, aim for greater variety to enhance the overall structure and fluency.
  3. Word Choice: Refine word choices for better precision. For instance, instead of “mean of communication,” consider using “mode of communication.”
  4. Detail and Specificity: Provide more specific details, such as specific percentages and dates from the graph, to bolster the analysis and meet the criteria for higher bands.

Remember to proofread your essay to catch minor errors and refine your expression for enhanced clarity and coherence.

 

Bài sửa mẫu

IELTS Task 1 Improved Report:

The provided diagram outlines the communication preferences of teenagers (aged 12–19) in a specific state in the United States. In general, the data reveals notable shifts in communication modes between 2006 and 2009, with texting emerging as the predominant method while email consistently held the lowest preference.

Between 2006 and 2009, email maintained a relatively low usage, fluctuating between 10% and 20%. Notably, the lowest point for email communication occurred in September 2009 at around 10%. In stark contrast, texting experienced a significant surge, starting at nearly 30% and peaking at almost 60%. This marked increase rendered texting the primary choice, nearly tripling the percentage of email usage.

Meanwhile, cell phone calls saw a gradual but modest rise, climbing from 35% to 40% by the end of the observed period. Face-to-face communication, despite significant fluctuations, remained the dominant method, reaching its zenith at approximately 40%. However, this method experienced a sharp decline, accounting for just under 30% by the end of the period—more than three times the proportion of email.

In conclusion, the graph vividly illustrates the communication trends among teenagers in the specified US state during 2006-2009. Texting emerged as the most favored mode, contrasting sharply with the consistently lower preference for email. The data underscores the dynamic nature of adolescent communication preferences during this timeframe.

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