The diagram below how tomato ketchup is made. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features.

The diagram below how tomato ketchup is made.
Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features.

The first diagram illustrates the process of glass container production, while the second diagram depicts how to recycle used glass.

It is clear that the manufacturing process consists of four distinct stages and involves three main materials. Additionally, there are five steps to convert used glass into new glass products.

In the first step of the glass container production process, a mixture of sand, soda ash, limestone, and other chemicals is melted at a temperature averaging about 1500°C. Following this, the molten glass is shaped by blowing after being melted in a glass furnace. In the final steps, the glass containers are completed and sent to consumers.

Subsequently, the glass recycling process begins with the collection of used glass, which is then classified by color. After that, the used glass containers are washed to remove impurities. The next step involves crushing and melting the used glass in order to mold it into new products, which are then delivered to users.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The first diagram illustrates" -> "The diagrams illustrate"
Explanation: Using the plural form "diagrams" is more accurate as there are two diagrams discussed in the essay, and the verb "illustrate" should be in the plural form to match the subject.
"glass container production" -> "the production of glass containers"
Explanation: Adding "the" before "production" clarifies that the process being referred to is specific, and using "of glass containers" instead of "glass container" maintains a formal tone and avoids the singular form.
"used glass" -> "recycled glass"
Explanation: "Recycled glass" is a more precise and academically appropriate term than "used glass," which could be ambiguous and less formal.
"other chemicals" -> "additional chemicals"
Explanation: "Additional" is more specific and formal than "other," which can be vague and less precise in academic writing.
"blowing after being melted" -> "blown after melting"
Explanation: "Blown after melting" is grammatically correct and more fluid, avoiding the awkward construction of "blowing after being melted."
"glass containers are completed" -> "the glass containers are finished"
Explanation: "Finished" is a more precise term than "completed" in this context, as it implies a final stage in the process, which is more specific and formal.
"sent to consumers" -> "delivered to customers"
Explanation: "Delivered to customers" is more specific and formal than "sent to consumers," which is somewhat vague and less formal.
"the glass recycling process begins" -> "the recycling process for glass begins"
Explanation: Adding "for glass" clarifies that the process is specific to glass recycling, enhancing precision and formality.
"classified by color" -> "sorted by color"
Explanation: "Sorted" is a more precise term in the context of categorizing materials, aligning better with the technical nature of the process.
"washed to remove impurities" -> "cleaned to eliminate impurities"
Explanation: "Cleaned to eliminate" is a more formal and precise phrase than "washed to remove," which is somewhat informal and less specific.
"crushing and melting" -> "crushing and then melting"
Explanation: Adding "then" clarifies the sequential nature of the actions, enhancing the clarity and flow of the sentence.
"mold it into new products" -> "form it into new products"
Explanation: "Form" is a more precise term in this context, as it specifically refers to the process of shaping materials, which is more appropriate for the technical description of glass recycling.
"delivered to users" -> "distributed to consumers"
Explanation: "Distributed to consumers" is a more formal and precise term than "delivered to users," which is less specific and less formal.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4

Explanation: The essay does not fully address the task. The essay describes the process of glass container production and recycling, not tomato ketchup production. The essay also includes irrelevant information, such as the temperature at which glass is melted.

How to improve: The essay should focus on the process of tomato ketchup production, as described in the diagram. The essay should also be more concise and avoid irrelevant details. The essay should also be more accurate in its description of the process. For example, the essay states that the glass containers are "completed and sent to consumers" in the final step of the glass container production process. However, the diagram does not show this step. The essay should only include information that is directly supported by the diagram.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4.0
Explanation: The essay presents information about the glass container production and recycling processes, but it does not address the prompt regarding the production of tomato ketchup. The ideas are not arranged coherently, leading to a lack of clear progression. There is minimal use of cohesive devices, and the paragraphing is confusing as it mixes two unrelated topics without logical transitions. The overall structure fails to provide a coherent response to the task.
How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the essay should focus solely on the process of making tomato ketchup, clearly outlining the stages involved. Each paragraph should present a distinct part of the process with appropriate cohesive devices to link ideas smoothly. Additionally, ensuring that the information is logically sequenced and that each paragraph has a clear central topic will improve overall clarity and progression.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary relevant to the task of describing the processes involved in glass container production and recycling. While the vocabulary used is appropriate for the context, there are instances where less common lexical items could have been employed to enhance precision and sophistication. The essay contains some minor inaccuracies in word choice, such as "completed" in the context of glass containers, which could be more accurately expressed as "finished" or "packaged." Additionally, there are a few errors in spelling and word formation, though they do not significantly impede communication. Overall, the vocabulary is sufficient to convey the main features of the diagrams, but it lacks the flexibility and precision seen in higher band scores.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should aim to incorporate a wider range of vocabulary, particularly less common lexical items that convey precise meanings. This could involve using synonyms or more specific terms related to the processes described. Additionally, paying attention to word choice and ensuring that terms are used accurately will help to minimize errors. Practicing the use of varied sentence structures and collocations can also enhance the overall lexical resource. Finally, proofreading for spelling and word formation errors will further strengthen the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of a Band 6 performance. While it conveys the main features of the diagrams clearly, there are some grammatical errors and awkward phrasing that can disrupt the flow of communication. For instance, phrases like "the glass containers are completed and sent to consumers" could be more clearly expressed. Overall, the essay maintains a reasonable level of clarity, but the presence of errors in grammar and punctuation detracts from its overall effectiveness.
How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on using a wider variety of sentence structures and ensuring that complex sentences are constructed correctly. Additionally, proofreading for grammatical errors and awkward phrasing can help improve clarity. Practicing the use of subordinate clauses and ensuring that punctuation is used correctly will also contribute to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

The first diagram illustrates the process of glass container production, while the second diagram depicts how used glass is recycled.

It is clear that the manufacturing process consists of four distinct stages and involves three main materials. Additionally, there are five steps to convert used glass into new glass products.

In the first step of the glass container production process, a mixture of sand, soda ash, limestone, and other chemicals is melted at an average temperature of about 1500°C. Following this, the molten glass is shaped by blowing after being heated in a glass furnace. In the final stages, the glass containers are completed and sent to consumers.

Subsequently, the glass recycling process begins with the collection of used glass, which is then sorted by color. After that, the used glass containers are washed to remove impurities. The next step involves crushing and melting the used glass to mold it into new products, which are then delivered to users.