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The diagram below shows a simple system that turn dirty water into clean water. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisions where relevant.

The diagram below shows a simple system that turn dirty water into clean water.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisions where relevant.

A glance at the given diagram depicts the process of transforming filthy water into drinkable water via a simple filtration system.

There are 5 main stages, commencing in lifting the lid of plastic barrel and pouring dirty water into it. The water passes through 3 filters and traveled up into a pipe placed at the top of the drum, and culminating in storing fresh water in a tank, ready for use.

In the initial stage, the preparation of a plastic barrel and three storage drums is arranged adjacent to each other. Every drum is filled up with 3 substances including sand, charcoal an gravel respectively. After that, a pipeline is installed at the last layer and follows the barrel to the storage drum, where drinking water is stored.

The production of clean water will happen in the following steps: untreated water is absorbed slowly through 3 layers in other to eliminate metal compounds, odors and dirty. Then this water is delivered via a tube to the storage container equipped a water tap. Consequently, when the tap is opened, potable water is released available.


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Errors and Improvements:

  1. "A glance at the given diagram depicts" -> "An examination of the provided diagram illustrates"
    Explanation: Replacing "A glance at the given diagram depicts" with "An examination of the provided diagram illustrates" elevates the formality of the language and emphasizes a more thorough review of the diagram.

  2. "commencing in lifting the lid of plastic barrel" -> "initiating by lifting the lid of the plastic barrel"
    Explanation: Substituting "commencing in lifting" with "initiating by lifting" maintains the meaning while using a more precise and formal expression.

  3. "traveled up into a pipe" -> "travels up through a pipe"
    Explanation: Changing "traveled up into a pipe" to "travels up through a pipe" improves the consistency of verb tense and enhances clarity by specifying the direction of water movement.

  4. "culminating in storing fresh water in a tank" -> "resulting in the storage of fresh water in a tank"
    Explanation: Replacing "culminating in storing" with "resulting in the storage of" offers a more refined and precise expression, emphasizing the outcome of the process.

  5. "The preparation of a plastic barrel and three storage drums is arranged adjacent to each other." -> "The arrangement involves preparing a plastic barrel and three storage drums placed adjacent to each other."
    Explanation: Transforming "The preparation of a plastic barrel and three storage drums is arranged adjacent to each other" to "The arrangement involves preparing a plastic barrel and three storage drums placed adjacent to each other" enhances clarity and provides a more structured description.

  6. "Every drum is filled up with 3 substances including sand, charcoal an gravel respectively." -> "Each drum is filled with three substances: sand, charcoal, and gravel, respectively."
    Explanation: Replacing "Every drum is filled up with 3 substances including" with "Each drum is filled with three substances: sand, charcoal, and gravel, respectively" offers a more concise and grammatically accurate expression.

  7. "After that, a pipeline is installed at the last layer and follows the barrel to the storage drum, where drinking water is stored." -> "Subsequently, a pipeline is installed at the final layer, extending from the barrel to the storage drum where drinking water is stored."
    Explanation: Modifying "After that, a pipeline is installed at the last layer and follows the barrel to the storage drum, where drinking water is stored" to "Subsequently, a pipeline is installed at the final layer, extending from the barrel to the storage drum where drinking water is stored" enhances the flow of the sentence and provides a more detailed description.

  8. "The production of clean water will happen" -> "The generation of clean water occurs"
    Explanation: Changing "The production of clean water will happen" to "The generation of clean water occurs" maintains a more active and concise expression.

  9. "absorbed slowly through 3 layers in other to eliminate metal compounds" -> "slowly absorbed through three layers to eliminate metal compounds"
    Explanation: Replacing "absorbed slowly through 3 layers in other to eliminate" with "slowly absorbed through three layers to eliminate" corrects the grammatical structure and improves clarity.

  10. "Consequently, when the tap is opened, potable water is released available." -> "As a result, opening the tap releases potable water."
    Explanation: Modifying "Consequently, when the tap is opened, potable water is released available" to "As a result, opening the tap releases potable water" provides a more concise and grammatically correct expression.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay adequately addresses the task by providing an overview of the process of transforming dirty water into clean water using a filtration system. It covers the main stages of the process, including the setup of the barrels with different substances, the filtration process, and the collection of clean water in a storage container. Key features such as the filtration layers and the final storage of potable water are highlighted.

How to improve:

  • Add more detail and clarity regarding the filtration process and the substances used in the barrels. Elaborate on how each substance (sand, charcoal, gravel) contributes to the purification of water.
  • Improve sentence structure for better coherence and precision. Ensure accurate use of grammar and vocabulary to enhance the overall clarity of the essay.
  • Extend the explanation of the stages involved in transforming dirty water into clean water to provide a more comprehensive overview without being overly detailed or repetitive.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates coherence and cohesion to a satisfactory level. There is a clear overall progression, starting from the introduction and moving through the different stages of the water filtration system. The use of cohesive devices is effective, especially in describing the sequential process of turning dirty water into clean water. However, there are instances where cohesion within and between sentences could be improved for a smoother flow. Paragraphing is generally logical, with distinct sections for the introduction, main stages, and conclusion. The central topic within each paragraph is generally clear.

How to improve:
To enhance coherence and cohesion, consider refining the use of cohesive devices to ensure a seamless connection between sentences and paragraphs. Pay attention to the logical relationship between ideas, ensuring a smooth transition from one stage to the next. Additionally, carefully review paragraphing to maintain a more consistent and logical structure throughout the essay. Overall, minor adjustments can elevate the essay’s coherence and cohesion to a higher band level.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a commendable use of vocabulary, encompassing a range of words that effectively convey the process of water filtration. The candidate skillfully employs terminology related to the filtration system, such as "filtration," "pipeline," and "substances," contributing to a clear and precise description of the depicted process. While there are occasional minor errors in word choice and collocation, they do not significantly impede communication. For instance, the phrase "absorbed slowly through 3 layers in other to eliminate" could be improved for better clarity and accuracy. Additionally, the sentence structure is generally sound, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay.

How to improve:
To enhance the Lexical Resource score, the candidate can focus on refining word choice and ensuring greater accuracy in expression. Specifically, attention to detail in phrasing, such as replacing "in other to" with "in order to," would contribute to a more polished and precise vocabulary. Additionally, continued use of a diverse range of vocabulary, especially when describing technical aspects of the filtration process, will further elevate the Lexical Resource score. Overall, maintaining this level of vocabulary use while refining minor errors will lead to improvement.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.5

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, utilizing various sentence forms to describe the depicted process. There’s an attempt at complexity with compound sentences and clauses, though some of these structures could be refined for clarity and precision. There are occasional errors in grammar and punctuation, but these don’t significantly impede understanding.

How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, focus on refining complex sentence structures for greater clarity and precision. Ensure consistency in using parallel structures and improve punctuation for smoother readability. Review and revise the usage of articles (‘a plastic barrel,’ ‘the storage container’) for more consistent and appropriate usage. Additionally, consider rephrasing to achieve greater accuracy in conveying the filtration process.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided diagram illustrates a straightforward process of purifying contaminated water to make it suitable for consumption, utilizing a basic filtration system.

The procedure comprises five primary stages. Initially, the lid of a plastic barrel is raised, and unclean water is poured into it. Subsequently, the water undergoes filtration through three distinct layers and ascends through a pipe positioned atop the drum. The process concludes with the storage of purified water in a tank, ready for use.

To initiate the sequence, three storage drums and a plastic barrel are arranged in close proximity. Each drum is filled with three substances: sand, charcoal, and gravel. A pipeline is then integrated into the final layer, extending from the barrel to the storage drum, where the potable water is retained.

The purification of the water unfolds through a series of steps. Initially, untreated water permeates slowly through three layers, effectively eliminating metal compounds, odors, and impurities. Subsequently, the purified water is conveyed through a tube to the storage container, which is equipped with a water tap. Consequently, upon opening the tap, potable water is made available for consumption.

This enhanced rendition maintains the original data points while refining grammar, sentence structure, and vocabulary usage to meet the standards expected in the IELTS Task 1 assessment.

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