The diagram below shows how a biofuel called ethanol is produced.

The image illustrates the steps involved in the production of biofuel, which is called ethanol. Overall, this is a cyclical process, which could be broken down into three main stages. The process starts from the growth of trees and then finishes with releasing carbon dioxide into the atmosphere.

In the first stage, plants and trees would grow up by using energy coming from sunlight and carbon dioxide in nature. After maturing enough, these plants and trees are collected and transported before undergoing a procedure of initial processing. Cellulose, which is produced by applying a grinder on woods, is the main ingredient in the next stage.

Regarding the next stage, a chemical process is carried on by using different chemical substances to treat the cellulose and transform it into sugars before jumping into a biological treatment procedure. In this next step, specific microbes then would be added to produce ethanol.

In terms of the final stage, ethanol is used as biofuel for various means of transportation namely car, truck, or even airplane. Eventually, the carbon dioxide gas is released into the air through these vehicles. And again this whole cycle would be repeated once carbon dioxide gas is involved in the photosynthesis process.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The image illustrates" -> "The diagram depicts"
Explanation: "Diagram" is a more precise term than "image" in academic contexts, especially when referring to technical illustrations like this one.
"called ethanol" -> "known as ethanol"
Explanation: "Known as" is more formal and precise, indicating that ethanol is commonly referred to by this name in scientific and academic contexts.
"Overall, this is a cyclical process" -> "This process is cyclical"
Explanation: Removing "Overall" simplifies and clarifies the statement, making it more direct and appropriate for formal writing.
"which could be broken down" -> "which can be segmented"
Explanation: "Segmented" is more specific and technical than "broken down," aligning better with the scientific nature of the process described.
"would grow up" -> "grow"
Explanation: "Would grow up" is an informal and awkward construction. "Grow" is sufficient and more direct.
"using energy coming from sunlight and carbon dioxide in nature" -> "utilizing energy derived from sunlight and atmospheric carbon dioxide"
Explanation: "Utilizing" and "derived" are more precise and formal, enhancing the scientific tone of the description.
"are collected and transported" -> "are harvested and transported"
Explanation: "Harvested" is the correct term for the collection of plants and trees, especially in an agricultural or industrial context.
"a procedure of initial processing" -> "an initial processing procedure"
Explanation: Reordering the words improves the grammatical structure, making the phrase more formal and clear.
"Cellulose, which is produced by applying a grinder on woods" -> "Cellulose, produced through grinding wood"
Explanation: "Produced through grinding wood" is more concise and avoids the awkward construction of "applying a grinder on woods."
"is carried on by using" -> "is conducted using"
Explanation: "Conducted" is a more precise and formal term than "carried on," and removing "by" improves the flow of the sentence.
"before jumping into a biological treatment procedure" -> "prior to undergoing biological treatment"
Explanation: "Prior to undergoing" is more formal and precise, fitting the academic style better.
"specific microbes then would be added" -> "specific microorganisms are then added"
Explanation: "Microorganisms" is the correct term, and "are" is the correct verb form for the present tense.
"ethanol is used as biofuel for various means of transportation namely car, truck, or even airplane" -> "ethanol serves as a biofuel for various modes of transportation, including cars, trucks, and airplanes"
Explanation: "Serves as" is more formal than "is used as," and "modes of transportation" is more precise than "means of transportation." Also, "including" is preferred over "namely" for listing examples.
"Eventually, the carbon dioxide gas is released into the air through these vehicles" -> "Ultimately, the carbon dioxide released by these vehicles is emitted into the atmosphere"
Explanation: "Ultimately" is more formal than "Eventually," and "emitted" is the correct term for the release of gases in scientific contexts. "Atmosphere" is also more specific than "air."
"And again this whole cycle would be repeated once carbon dioxide gas is involved in the photosynthesis process" -> "This cycle is repeated whenever carbon dioxide is involved in photosynthesis"
Explanation: "Is repeated whenever" is more concise and formal, and removing "And again" avoids redundancy.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay addresses the requirements of the task by providing an overview of the process of ethanol production. The essay identifies the main stages of the process and presents some key features, such as the use of cellulose and microbes. However, the essay does not fully extend the key features and some details are irrelevant or inaccurate. For example, the essay states that "cellulose, which is produced by applying a grinder on woods, is the main ingredient in the next stage." This is not accurate, as cellulose is a natural component of plants and trees.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more specific details about each stage of the process. For example, the essay could describe the specific chemical substances used to treat the cellulose or the types of microbes used to produce ethanol. The essay could also be improved by avoiding irrelevant details, such as the statement about carbon dioxide being released into the air through vehicles. The essay should focus on the main features of the process and avoid unnecessary details.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay presents a coherent structure with a clear overall progression through the stages of ethanol production. The information is arranged logically, and there is a basic use of cohesive devices, such as "In the first stage," "Regarding the next stage," and "In terms of the final stage." However, there are instances where the cohesion within and between sentences could be improved, leading to a somewhat mechanical flow. Additionally, while paragraphing is present, it is not always used logically, as some paragraphs could be more effectively organized to enhance clarity.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the essay could benefit from a more varied use of cohesive devices to enhance the flow of ideas. Ensuring that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that ideas are linked more smoothly would improve coherence. Additionally, refining the paragraph structure to ensure that each stage of the process is distinctly and logically separated would enhance overall clarity and progression.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary relevant to the task, such as "biofuel," "ethanol," "chemical process," and "microbes." However, the use of less common vocabulary is limited, and there are instances of inaccuracy in word choice and phrasing, such as "would grow up" and "carrying on a chemical process." While the essay is generally understandable, there are some errors in word formation and phrasing that may cause minor confusion for the reader.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the essay could incorporate a wider range of vocabulary, particularly less common lexical items related to the topic. Additionally, improving the accuracy of word choice and ensuring correct collocations would strengthen the overall clarity. Avoiding repetitive phrases and using synonyms can also contribute to a more sophisticated lexical range.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, indicating an attempt to use a variety of structures. However, there are several grammatical errors and awkward phrases that detract from overall clarity. For instance, phrases like "would grow up by using energy coming from sunlight" and "a chemical process is carried on by using different chemical substances" could be expressed more clearly. While the errors do not severely hinder communication, they are frequent enough to suggest that the writer has only partial control over grammar and punctuation.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on the following areas:

Sentence Structure: Incorporate a wider range of complex sentence structures while ensuring they are grammatically accurate.
Error Reduction: Aim to minimize grammatical errors by proofreading the essay for common mistakes and awkward phrasing.
Clarity and Precision: Use clearer and more precise language to convey ideas, avoiding vague expressions and ensuring that each sentence contributes effectively to the overall argument.
Punctuation: Pay attention to punctuation rules to enhance readability and clarity.

Bài sửa mẫu

The image illustrates the steps involved in the production of a biofuel known as ethanol. Overall, this is a cyclical process that can be broken down into three main stages. The process begins with the growth of plants and trees and concludes with the release of carbon dioxide into the atmosphere.

In the first stage, plants and trees grow by utilizing energy from sunlight and absorbing carbon dioxide from the environment. Once they have matured sufficiently, these plants and trees are harvested and transported for initial processing. Cellulose, which is obtained by grinding the wood, serves as the primary ingredient in the subsequent stage.

In the next stage, a chemical process is conducted using various chemical substances to treat the cellulose and convert it into sugars before proceeding to a biological treatment phase. In this step, specific microbes are introduced to facilitate the production of ethanol.

In the final stage, ethanol is utilized as biofuel for various modes of transportation, including cars, trucks, and even airplanes. Eventually, carbon dioxide gas is emitted into the atmosphere through these vehicles, and this entire cycle is repeated as carbon dioxide is reabsorbed during the photosynthesis process.