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The diagram below shows how orange juice is produced.

The diagram below shows how orange juice is produced.

The graph illustrates the number of orange juice is produced. It is clear that beginning with collecting fresh oranges and ending with displaying orange juice in the store.

First of all, farmers collect fresh oranges and deliver them to the factory. These oranges are washed and transferred to the next step. In the fourth step, they are extracted to waste solid and fresh juice. With waste solids, they are a source of food for animals such as cows, while the juices are packed in paper boxes.

Moreover, fresh juices are also loaded in the refrigerator truck. In the next step, drivers transport to evaporation. In there, orange juices are dried and collected in concentrate juice. Next, the concentrate juices are filled in cans for workers to load in trucks. these cans are placed on the warehouse. Continuously, these are processed by putting water and are packed. Finally, they are delivered and displayed into shop.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "the number of orange juice is produced" -> "the quantity of orange juice produced"
    Explanation: "Number" is typically used for countable nouns, while "quantity" is more appropriate for uncountable nouns like "juice." The phrase also omits the verb "is," making it grammatically incomplete.

  2. "It is clear that beginning with collecting fresh oranges and ending with displaying orange juice in the store." -> "This process begins with the collection of fresh oranges and concludes with the display of orange juice in stores."
    Explanation: The revised version uses more formal language ("collection" instead of "collecting") and clarifies the sequence of actions with "begins" and "concludes," enhancing clarity and formality.

  3. "farmers collect fresh oranges and deliver them to the factory" -> "farmers harvest fresh oranges and transport them to the processing facility"
    Explanation: "Harvest" is a more precise term than "collect" in the context of agriculture, and "transport" is more formal than "deliver." "Processing facility" is a more accurate term than "factory," as it specifies the function of the location.

  4. "In the fourth step, they are extracted to waste solid and fresh juice." -> "In the fourth step, they are separated into solid waste and fresh juice."
    Explanation: "Separated" is more precise than "extracted," and "solid waste" is the correct term to describe the byproduct, improving clarity.

  5. "With waste solids, they are a source of food for animals such as cows" -> "The solid waste serves as a source of feed for livestock, including cows."
    Explanation: "Serves as" is a more formal expression than "are," and "feed for livestock" is a more precise and formal term than "food for animals."

  6. "fresh juices are also loaded in the refrigerator truck" -> "fresh juice is also loaded onto refrigerated trucks."
    Explanation: "Fresh juice" is uncountable, so it should not be pluralized. "Onto" is the correct preposition for indicating movement towards a vehicle, and "refrigerated trucks" is the more accurate term.

  7. "In the next step, drivers transport to evaporation." -> "In the subsequent step, drivers transport the juice to the evaporation facility."
    Explanation: "Subsequent" is more formal than "next," and specifying "the juice" clarifies what is being transported. "Evaporation facility" is more precise than just "evaporation."

  8. "In there, orange juices are dried and collected in concentrate juice." -> "At this facility, the orange juice is evaporated and collected as concentrated juice."
    Explanation: "At this facility" is clearer than "In there," and "evaporated" is a more precise term than "dried." "Collected as concentrated juice" clarifies the process.

  9. "the concentrate juices are filled in cans for workers to load in trucks." -> "The concentrated juice is packaged in cans for workers to load onto trucks."
    Explanation: "Concentrated juice" is the correct term, and "packaged" is more formal than "filled." "Onto" is the correct preposition for indicating movement.

  10. "these cans are placed on the warehouse." -> "These cans are stored in the warehouse."
    Explanation: "Stored" is more precise than "placed," and "in the warehouse" is the correct preposition to indicate location.

  11. "Continuously, these are processed by putting water and are packed." -> "Subsequently, these are processed by adding water and then packaged."
    Explanation: "Subsequently" is more formal than "continuously," and "adding" is clearer than "putting." "Packaged" is a more formal term than "packed."

  12. "Finally, they are delivered and displayed into shop." -> "Finally, they are delivered and displayed in stores."
    Explanation: "In stores" is the correct preposition, improving grammatical accuracy and clarity.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5

Explanation: The essay generally addresses the task by describing the process of orange juice production. However, the essay lacks a clear overview of the process and focuses too much on details. For example, the essay mentions that "fresh juices are also loaded in the refrigerator truck" but does not explain why this is necessary or how it contributes to the overall process. Additionally, the essay does not provide any data to support the description, which makes it difficult for the reader to understand the scale or significance of the process.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clearer overview of the process, highlighting the key stages and explaining the purpose of each stage. The essay could also be improved by providing some data to support the description, such as the amount of oranges used or the volume of orange juice produced.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, but there are notable issues with overall progression. While the steps of orange juice production are mentioned, the logical flow between them is often unclear. The use of cohesive devices is inadequate and at times inaccurate, leading to confusion. For example, phrases like "In there" and "these are processed" lack clarity and proper referencing. Additionally, the paragraphing is not effectively utilized, as the essay does not clearly separate different stages of the process, which could enhance coherence.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the essay should focus on improving the logical flow of ideas. This can be done by clearly outlining each step of the process in distinct paragraphs, ensuring that each paragraph has a clear central topic. The use of cohesive devices should be varied and appropriate, avoiding repetition and ensuring that they effectively link ideas. Additionally, refining sentence structures and eliminating vague references will enhance clarity and coherence.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While it attempts to describe the process of orange juice production, the vocabulary used is basic and repetitive, with phrases like "fresh oranges" and "orange juices" appearing multiple times. There are noticeable errors in word choice and sentence structure, such as "the number of orange juice is produced" and "drivers transport to evaporation," which can cause confusion for the reader. Additionally, there are spelling and grammatical errors, such as "these cans are placed on the warehouse" and "in there," which further detract from clarity.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should aim to use a wider range of vocabulary and more precise terms related to the topic. Incorporating less common lexical items and ensuring correct collocations would improve the overall quality of the essay. Additionally, reducing grammatical errors and improving sentence structure will aid in clearer communication. Practicing with synonyms and varying sentence beginnings can also help to avoid repetition and enhance fluency.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, primarily using simple sentences with some attempts at complex forms. While there are some accurate structures, frequent grammatical errors and awkward phrasing are present, which can cause difficulty for the reader. For example, phrases like "the number of orange juice is produced" and "drivers transport to evaporation" are grammatically incorrect and unclear. Additionally, punctuation errors, such as the lowercase "these" at the beginning of a sentence, detract from the overall clarity.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on the following areas:

  1. Expand Sentence Variety: Incorporate a wider range of complex sentence structures to demonstrate grammatical flexibility.
  2. Minimize Errors: Proofread for grammatical and punctuation errors, ensuring that sentences are clear and correctly structured.
  3. Clarify Ideas: Use precise language to convey ideas clearly, avoiding vague phrases that may confuse the reader.
  4. Practice Cohesion: Improve the flow of ideas by using linking words and phrases effectively to connect sentences and paragraphs.

Bài sửa mẫu

The diagram illustrates the process of orange juice production. It is clear that the process begins with collecting fresh oranges and ends with displaying orange juice in stores.

First of all, farmers collect fresh oranges and deliver them to the factory. These oranges are washed and then transferred to the next step. In the fourth step, they are processed to separate waste solids from fresh juice. The waste solids serve as a source of food for animals such as cows, while the juice is packed in paper boxes.

Moreover, fresh juice is also loaded into refrigerated trucks. In the next step, drivers transport it to the evaporation facility. There, the orange juice is dried and collected as concentrated juice. Next, the concentrated juice is filled into cans for workers to load onto trucks. These cans are placed in the warehouse. Subsequently, they are processed by adding water and then packed. Finally, they are delivered and displayed in shops.

Bài viết liên quan

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more accessible. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more…

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