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The diagram below shows one way of manufacturing ceramic pots.

The diagram below shows one way of manufacturing ceramic pots.

The diagram illustrates the manufacturing of wine from corn.
Corn ethanol production includes nine stages, beginning with gathering the corn and ending at the transfer stage.
In the first step of producing the wine, after the corn is harvested, it is placed in safe places to prepare for the next step, which is grinding. During the grinding process, corn is ground into powder and then mixed with water to form a mixture, which will be cooked for 4 hours.
The mixture formed after cooking is left to ferment for 2 days. During this time ethanol will be produced. Next, the liquid ethanol is separated from the fermentation mixture, and the solid byproduct is removed. It will take about 5 hours for the resulting ethanol to be purified, which will remove all other impurities. Finally, this ethanol will be stored for a certain period before being transported to the destination to be sold.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "safe places" -> "designated containers"
    Explanation: "Safe places" is vague and informal. "Designated containers" provides a clearer and more precise description of where the corn is stored.

  2. "which is grinding" -> "which involves grinding"
    Explanation: "Which is grinding" is awkward and lacks clarity. "Which involves grinding" more accurately conveys that grinding is a necessary part of the process.

  3. "the mixture formed after cooking" -> "the mixture obtained after cooking"
    Explanation: "Formed" is less precise than "obtained." The latter emphasizes the result of the cooking process more clearly.

  4. "During this time ethanol will be produced" -> "During this period, ethanol is produced"
    Explanation: Changing "will be produced" to "is produced" shifts the tense to present, which is more appropriate for describing a process that occurs regularly or predictably.

  5. "the solid byproduct is removed" -> "the solid byproduct is subsequently removed"
    Explanation: Adding "subsequently" clarifies the sequence of events, indicating that this step follows the separation of liquid ethanol.

  6. "It will take about 5 hours for the resulting ethanol to be purified" -> "Approximately 5 hours are required for the resulting ethanol to undergo purification"
    Explanation: This revision uses a more formal structure and precise language, enhancing the academic tone of the sentence.

  7. "which will remove all other impurities" -> "which removes any remaining impurities"
    Explanation: "Will remove" is less direct than "removes." The latter is more assertive and fits better in an academic context.

  8. "to be sold" -> "for commercial distribution"
    Explanation: "To be sold" is informal and vague. "For commercial distribution" is more precise and aligns with academic language standards.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 3

Band Score: 3

Explanation: The essay fails to address the task, which has been completely misunderstood. The essay describes the process of making wine from corn, not ceramic pots. The essay also presents limited ideas which are largely irrelevant and repetitive.

How to improve: The essay needs to be completely rewritten to accurately describe the process of making ceramic pots as shown in the diagram. The essay should focus on the key features of the process, such as the use of raw materials, moulds, mixing, crushing, drying, colour firing, and oven firing. The essay should also be written in a clear and concise style, using appropriate vocabulary and grammar.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4.0

Explanation: The essay presents information about the manufacturing process of wine from corn, but it does not do so coherently. There is a lack of clear progression in the response, as the stages of production are mentioned but not logically connected. The use of cohesive devices is basic and often inaccurate, leading to confusion about the relationships between different stages. Additionally, the essay does not effectively use paragraphing; it reads as a single block of text without clear divisions that would help the reader follow the process.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on organizing the information into clear paragraphs, each dedicated to a specific stage of the process. Using appropriate cohesive devices, such as linking words and phrases, can help clarify the relationships between ideas and improve the overall flow of the essay. Additionally, ensuring that the content accurately reflects the prompt (in this case, the manufacturing of ceramic pots) is crucial, as the current essay discusses a different topic entirely.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a basic understanding of vocabulary related to the process described, but it contains significant inaccuracies regarding the task. The prompt asks for a description of the manufacturing of ceramic pots, yet the essay discusses the production of wine from corn, which indicates a fundamental misunderstanding of the task. The vocabulary used is repetitive and lacks variety, with basic terms employed throughout. Additionally, there are errors in word formation and phrasing that may cause strain for the reader, such as "it is placed in safe places" and "the resulting ethanol will be purified." Overall, the limited range and inappropriate use of vocabulary significantly hinder effective communication.

How to improve: To enhance the Lexical Resource score, the writer should ensure they fully understand the task prompt and respond accurately. Expanding vocabulary by incorporating more varied and precise terms related to the specific topic (in this case, ceramic pot manufacturing) would also help. Additionally, practicing the correct formation of words and phrases, along with avoiding repetition, can improve clarity and engagement in the writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, primarily relying on simple sentences. While there are attempts at complex sentences, they are not consistently accurate, leading to frequent grammatical errors. For instance, the phrase "it is placed in safe places to prepare for the next step" lacks clarity and precision. Additionally, there are issues with punctuation, such as missing commas, which can hinder readability. Overall, while the essay conveys the main ideas, the grammatical inaccuracies and limited variety in sentence structures result in a score of 5.

How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on incorporating a wider variety of sentence structures, including more complex sentences with subordinate clauses. Additionally, careful proofreading to identify and correct grammatical and punctuation errors will improve clarity. Practicing with varied sentence forms and ensuring that each sentence is grammatically sound will also contribute to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

The diagram illustrates the manufacturing of wine from corn. Corn ethanol production includes nine stages, beginning with the gathering of corn and concluding with the transfer stage.

In the first step of producing the wine, after the corn is harvested, it is stored in safe locations to prepare for the next step, which is grinding. During the grinding process, the corn is ground into a fine powder and then mixed with water to form a mixture, which is subsequently cooked for 4 hours.

The mixture formed after cooking is left to ferment for 2 days. During this time, ethanol is produced. Next, the liquid ethanol is separated from the fermentation mixture, and the solid byproduct is removed. The resulting ethanol undergoes a purification process that takes about 5 hours, effectively removing all other impurities. Finally, this purified ethanol is stored for a certain period before being transported to its destination for sale.

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