The diagram below shows the floor plan of a public library 20 years ago and how it looks now

The given maps present area of central library from two different time: 20 years ago and now.
Overall, after 20 years the library have various change.There are more space, more convenient areas, put new and modern devices and a open space.
In the past, there were tables and seats in the middle and in front of the entrance with two adult books are in the right of the entrance there was adult fiction books and in the left side was non-fiction.Comparison with now,there no any tables or chairs in the middle because there is a clean path without seats.In the right of the library,they don’t separate adult fiction or non-fiction books type however they collaborate 2 types into 1 type with a information desk and self service machines,right side with all reference books.
CDs,videos,computer games was in left at the top of corner and children books in the other side.Reading room also in left at the bottom of corner and Enquiry desk for tickets,book returns,… in the opposite side.In the moment everything changed,central library today at the top of the corner in the left there are children’s fiction books and storytelling events with sofa.On the other side at the top,children’s book transformed to lecture room.The entrance is between cafe and computer room.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"area of central library" -> "area of the central library"
Explanation: Adding "the" specifies which central library is being referred to, improving clarity.
"from two different time" -> "from two different time periods"
Explanation: "Time periods" is more precise and formal than "time," enhancing the academic tone.
"the library have various change" -> "the library has undergone various changes"
Explanation: "Has undergone" indicates a completed action and corrects the subject-verb agreement, while "changes" is the plural form needed here.
"more space, more convenient areas, put new and modern devices and a open space" -> "increased space, more convenient areas, the addition of new and modern devices, and an open space"
Explanation: "Increased" is more formal than "more," and "the addition of" clarifies the action taken regarding devices. "An" is the correct article for "open space."
"there were tables and seats in the middle and in front of the entrance with two adult books are in the right of the entrance there was adult fiction books and in the left side was non-fiction" -> "there were tables and seats in the middle and in front of the entrance, with two adult bookshelves located to the right of the entrance: one for adult fiction and the other for non-fiction on the left side."
Explanation: This revision clarifies the location and organization of the bookshelves, improving coherence and grammatical structure.
"Comparison with now,there no any tables or chairs in the middle" -> "In comparison to the present, there are no tables or chairs in the middle"
Explanation: "In comparison to the present" is a more formal phrasing, and "there are" corrects the grammatical error.
"because there is a clean path without seats" -> "as there is a clear pathway devoid of seating"
Explanation: "As" is more formal than "because," and "clear pathway devoid of seating" enhances the precision and academic tone.
"they don’t separate adult fiction or non-fiction books type however they collaborate 2 types into 1 type with a information desk and self service machines,right side with all reference books" -> "the library does not separate adult fiction from non-fiction books; instead, it combines both categories into a single area featuring an information desk and self-service machines, with all reference books located on the right side."
Explanation: This revision improves clarity and formality, correcting grammatical issues and enhancing the flow of information.
"CDs,videos,computer games was in left at the top of corner and children books in the other side" -> "CDs, videos, and computer games were located in the upper left corner, while children’s books were situated on the opposite side."
Explanation: "Were located" corrects the verb form, and using "upper left corner" and "situated" enhances clarity and formality.
"Reading room also in left at the bottom of corner and Enquiry desk for tickets,book returns,… in the opposite side" -> "The reading room is also located in the lower left corner, while the enquiry desk for tickets and book returns is situated on the opposite side."
Explanation: Adding "is located" clarifies the sentence structure, and "lower left corner" is more precise.
"In the moment everything changed,central library today at the top of the corner in the left there are children’s fiction books and storytelling events with sofa" -> "At this moment, the central library has transformed; in the upper left corner, there are children’s fiction books and storytelling events featuring sofas."
Explanation: "At this moment" is more formal than "In the moment," and restructuring the sentence improves clarity and flow.
"On the other side at the top,children’s book transformed to lecture room" -> "On the opposite side at the top, the children’s book area has been transformed into a lecture room."
Explanation: "The children’s book area" specifies what is being referred to, and "has been transformed" adds clarity and formality.
"The entrance is between cafe and computer room" -> "The entrance is situated between the café and the computer room."
Explanation: Adding "the" specifies the nouns, and "situated" is more formal than "is."

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5

Explanation: The essay generally addresses the task, but the format is inappropriate in places. The essay does not provide a clear overview of the changes to the library. It simply recounts details mechanically, with no clear comparison between the two floor plans. The essay also presents some key features, but inadequately covers them. For example, the essay mentions that the library has more space, but it does not provide any specific details about how the space has been used.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clearer overview of the changes to the library. The essay should also provide more specific details about the changes, such as the location of new features and the removal of old features. The essay should also use more appropriate language to describe the changes. For example, instead of saying "everything changed," the essay could say "the library has undergone significant changes."

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, but there is a noticeable lack of overall progression. While it attempts to describe the changes in the library over the years, the connections between ideas are often unclear, leading to confusion. The use of cohesive devices is inadequate and at times inaccurate, which detracts from the clarity of the response. Additionally, the paragraphing is inconsistent, with some ideas not being clearly separated into distinct paragraphs, further affecting coherence.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on clearly organizing ideas and ensuring logical progression throughout the essay. This can be achieved by using a more structured approach, such as clearly defined paragraphs for each main point. Improving the use of cohesive devices, such as referencing and substitution, will help to clarify relationships between ideas. Additionally, proofreading for grammatical accuracy and clarity will contribute to a more coherent overall response.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While it attempts to describe the changes in the library over the past 20 years, the vocabulary used is basic and repetitive, with several noticeable errors in spelling and word formation (e.g., "have various change," "there no any tables," "collaborate 2 types into 1 type"). These errors can cause some difficulty for the reader in understanding the intended message. Additionally, the essay lacks the precision and variety expected at higher band levels, which would require a more sophisticated use of vocabulary and clearer expression of ideas.

How to improve: To enhance the Lexical Resource score, the writer should aim to expand their vocabulary by incorporating more varied and precise terms related to library features and functions. Practicing the use of less common lexical items and ensuring correct spelling and word formation would also be beneficial. Furthermore, structuring sentences more clearly and avoiding repetition will help convey ideas more effectively and improve overall coherence.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, primarily using simple sentences with some attempts at complex forms. However, the accuracy of these attempts is inconsistent, leading to frequent grammatical errors that can cause difficulty for the reader. For instance, phrases like "the library have various change" and "there no any tables or chairs" contain subject-verb agreement issues and incorrect negation, respectively. Additionally, punctuation errors, such as missing commas, further detract from clarity. While the essay conveys some information about the changes in the library, the grammatical inaccuracies hinder effective communication.

How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on the following areas:

Subject-Verb Agreement: Ensure that subjects and verbs agree in number (e.g., "the library has various changes").
Sentence Structure: Incorporate a wider variety of sentence structures, including more complex sentences, while ensuring they are grammatically correct.
Punctuation: Pay attention to punctuation rules, particularly the use of commas to separate clauses and items in lists.
Proofreading: Take time to review the essay for grammatical and punctuation errors before submission. This can help identify and correct mistakes that may obscure meaning.

Bài sửa mẫu

The given maps present the layout of the central library from two different time periods: 20 years ago and the present day. Overall, after 20 years, the library has undergone various changes. There is now more space, more convenient areas, the addition of new and modern devices, and an open area.

In the past, there were tables and seats in the middle and in front of the entrance, with two sections for adult books located to the right and left of the entrance. The right side housed adult fiction books, while the left side contained non-fiction books. In comparison to now, there are no tables or chairs in the middle, as there is a clear path without seating. On the right side of the library, adult fiction and non-fiction books are no longer separated; instead, they have been combined into one section featuring an information desk and self-service machines, with all reference books located on the right.

CDs, videos, and computer games were situated in the top left corner, while children’s books were on the opposite side. The reading room was also located in the bottom left corner, with the enquiry desk for tickets and book returns positioned on the opposite side. Currently, the central library has transformed significantly; in the top left corner, there are children’s fiction books and storytelling events with sofas. On the opposite side at the top, the children’s book area has been converted into a lecture room. The entrance is now situated between the café and the computer room.