The diagram below shows the life cycle of the honey bee. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The diagram below shows the life cycle of the honey bee.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The image illustrates how honey bees grow up and give birth in their life.
The life cycle will takes around 34 to 36 days for an egg to fully develop to an adult bee. The process consist of 6 steps with a lot of changes in the life of a bee.
At the first stage of process, 1 or 2 eggs will be laid by mature females every three days. After that, the eggs will take around 9 to 10 days to become nymphs. The new-born bees will go through a process of moults 3 times during their development time.
The first moult will be occured after 5 days from being gived birth. Then, young bees will become young adults after a total of 9days. The nearly mature ones will take around 4 more days to fully develop and at the final stage, the process will repeat with the adult female bees.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"will takes" -> "will take"
Explanation: "Will takes" is grammatically incorrect; "will take" is the correct future tense form.
"consist" -> "consists"
Explanation: "Consist" should agree in number with the subject "process," which is singular.
"a lot of changes" -> "numerous changes"
Explanation: "A lot of changes" is colloquial; "numerous changes" is more formal and precise.
"At the first stage of process" -> "In the initial stage of the process"
Explanation: "At the first stage of process" lacks clarity and precision; "In the initial stage of the process" provides a clearer and more formal expression.
"will be laid" -> "are laid"
Explanation: "Will be laid" implies a future action, while the present tense "are laid" is more appropriate for describing a general truth or habitual action.
"moults" -> "molts"
Explanation: "Moults" is the British English spelling, while "molts" is the preferred American English spelling.
"will be occured" -> "will occur"
Explanation: "Will be occurred" is grammatically incorrect; "will occur" is the correct future tense form.
"gived birth" -> "given birth"
Explanation: "Gived birth" is grammatically incorrect; "given birth" is the correct past participle form.
"young adults" -> "juvenile bees"
Explanation: "Young adults" is redundant; "juvenile bees" more accurately describes bees that have recently emerged but are not yet fully mature.
"the nearly mature ones" -> "the nearly mature individuals"
Explanation: "The nearly mature ones" is vague; "the nearly mature individuals" is more specific and formal.
"will repeat" -> "repeats"
Explanation: "Will repeat" is future tense, but the sentence describes a repeated action in general, so "repeats" is more appropriate.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5

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Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay provides a basic overview of the life cycle of honey bees, mentioning the stages involved in their development. However, there are several inaccuracies and inconsistencies in the information presented. For instance, the timeframes mentioned for various stages are not entirely accurate, and there are grammatical errors that impede clarity.
How to improve: To improve, the writer should ensure accurate representation of the information, paying attention to details such as the correct duration of each stage in the honey bee life cycle. Additionally, enhancing clarity and coherence through better organization and grammar would elevate the essay’s effectiveness in conveying the required information. Furthermore, providing comparisons between stages or highlighting key features would enhance the depth of the response. Additionally, maintaining a more formal tone and using appropriate terminology would improve the overall quality of the essay.
]

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay presents information about the life cycle of honey bees, outlining various stages of development. There is some attempt at organization, with a clear introduction and the progression of the life cycle described. However, the organization lacks overall coherence and progression, as the essay jumps between stages without clear sequencing. Additionally, there is a lack of cohesion due to the repetitive use of phrases like "the process" and "the first stage of process." There is also limited use of cohesive devices, leading to a somewhat disjointed flow of ideas. Paragraphing is attempted, but it is not consistently logical.

How to improve: To improve coherence and cohesion, focus on organizing the information more logically. Clearly sequence the stages of the life cycle and avoid repetition of phrases. Use a variety of cohesive devices such as pronouns, conjunctions, and transitional phrases to connect ideas smoothly. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that paragraphing follows a logical structure. Additionally, pay attention to sentence structure to enhance the overall flow of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a basic range of vocabulary with some attempts at using less common words and phrases (e.g., "moults," "nymphs," "gived birth"). However, there are noticeable errors in word choice and word formation throughout the essay (e.g., "will takes," "be occured," "being gived birth"). Additionally, some sentences are awkwardly phrased, which affects the overall clarity and fluency of the essay.

How to improve:
To improve the lexical resource, focus on using a wider range of vocabulary, especially more precise and contextually appropriate terms. Pay attention to word forms and use accurate collocations. Proofreading for grammatical accuracy and coherence can also enhance the overall clarity and sophistication of the language.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay attempts to use a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, incorporating various stages of the honey bee life cycle. However, there are frequent grammatical errors throughout the essay, such as incorrect verb tenses ("will takes," "will be occured," "being gived birth"), awkward phrasing ("the process consist," "with a lot of changes in the life of a bee"), and inconsistent subject-verb agreement ("the eggs will take," "the nearly mature ones will take"). Additionally, punctuation errors are present ("9days," "gived birth"), and some sentences lack clarity due to word choice ("moults," "mature ones").

How to improve: Focus on sentence structure and accuracy by ensuring proper verb tense usage, subject-verb agreement, and clear phrasing. Pay attention to punctuation rules for clarity. Use a wider range of sentence structures to demonstrate flexibility and complexity in writing. Review and revise for grammatical errors to enhance overall accuracy and coherence.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided diagram depicts the life cycle of the honey bee, illustrating various stages from birth to adulthood.

The life cycle spans approximately 34 to 36 days, encompassing six distinct stages. Initially, mature female bees lay one or two eggs every three days. These eggs then undergo a transformation period lasting approximately 9 to 10 days, during which they develop into nymphs. Notably, the newly hatched bees experience three molts throughout their development.

The first molt occurs around 5 days post-birth, marking the transition from nymph to young bee. Subsequently, after a total of 9 days, these young bees reach adulthood. Further maturation takes approximately 4 additional days, culminating in the emergence of fully developed adult female bees. This cycle repeats with each generation of bees, ensuring the perpetuation of the species.